Are Your Relationships In the Twilight Zone?
Most of us love a good romcom. Probably because we all know we’re heading for a happy ending. But when it comes to characters in popular films and TV shows, what do they have to teach us about relationships? The fact is, some of the examples we see have less to do with soul growth and love, and more to do with co-dependency, control, emotional unavailability and abuse. Our favourite characters in films and TV shows can be empowering examples of how to make lasting and meaningful connections – or just the reverse! The key is to step back and look at the characters and to understand what is really driving the on-screen relationship and then use this knowledge in our own lives.
The Twilight series may contain all the ingredients for romance – bad boy (vampire) just waiting to be tamed by the right woman. But it also contains all the ingredients for an abusive relationship and addictive as well. Bella has low self-esteem, she constantly refers to the fact she believes Edward is out of her league: “Why did he have to look like a runway model when I couldn’t?” Women who become victims of relationship abuse are often attracted to men who are forbidden and Bella also finds Edward’s violent nature attractive. She only begins to take notice of Jacob when she discovers he’s a werewolf – and therefore just as much of a ‘bad boy’ as Edward. Edward also displays all the personality traits of an abuser in that he attempts to control Bella and isolate her from others – a common tactic of abusers to ensure their victims have no way to escape. Looked at this way, Twilight is less about romance but more about domination, manipulation and control. Little wonder it provided the inspiration for the 50 Shades trilogy!
Mad Men’s Don Draper is a perfect example of the emotionally unavailable man which many women waste a great deal of time and energy pursuing in the faint hope this man will open up and commit. However, just like Don, this type of man is permanently closed off. How to spot if you’re seeing a Don Draper type? Does he never open up but keeps the conversation as superficial as his past relationships? Does he have a problem drinking or with any other addiction (and this includes computer games, pornography or even his work)? Does he distance when offered intimacy and closeness? This kind of man can drive you mad as you end up wondering what you are doing wrong!
But sometimes it’s not about the other person but it’s all about us instead. Every relationship we have offers an opportunity for soul growth and change – if we recognise it. But if we don’t – we’re doomed to repeat the lesson, getting involved with the same kind of person and getting the same result every time. Just watch the cast of shows like Jersey Shore to see this in action!
But films and TV shows also give us positive images and more are showing us an evolved and empowering view of relationships. In another Kristen Stewart vehicle, Snow White and the Huntsman we seen Snow White change from a victim to a warrior princess, and her relationship with Eric (the huntsman) evolve, but the romance between them is just hinted at in the end. One critic praised it as being influenced by ‘a lot of smart, feminist thinking’. In Avatar, Neytiri not only fights side-by-side with Jake but rescues him and accepts him in his human form at the end. But not until after Jake has proved himself worthy of her love.
Relationships offer us our biggest soul growth opportunities and the amazing love and joy that comes from connecting with the right person. When it comes to looking at examples of relationships in films and television it’s important to know which ones to treat purely as entertainment and which ones to use as inspiration in our lives.
Try this – If you wrote the movie script of your life what would your role be?
If you don’t like who you are rewrite it from now! What we believe we create. You are a powerful and unique soul who can create your reality and experience. Now is the moment that is important!
