Dialogue with the Professor

Dear Everyone,



A couple of weeks ago, I posted a dialogue with the Professor, on Facebook and Twitter. In case you missed it, here it is in its entirety:

















So
the Professor stopped by my flat and without introduction strode into my living
room. He sat in a chair, crossed his legs, and glared at me.




(This
was not uncommon.)




“SR.”  He nodded.




“Gabriel.”





I
glanced in the direction of the kitchen. 
“Would you like a drink?”




The
Professor’s lips visibly thinned.




“This
isn’t really a social call.”




“So
you aren’t here to borrow milk, then?”




“No,
I am not.”




“Can
I offer you a towel?”




“I’ll
get to that in a minute. First, I want to talk to you.”




“No
need to wait. I have plenty in a variety of colours.”  I gestured to the hallway. “I’ll just run and get one.”




“As
I said, I want to talk to you.”




I opened
my mouth to protest, but realized that in his current mood, such protestations
were futile.




Averting
my eyes from the spectacle that was the naked professor seated on my very nice
leather chair, I sat far away from him, feeling very uncomfortable.




Clearly
he was agitated and sadly for me, Julia had not accompanied him.




(I
pondered the possibility of fetching the Snarky Narrator in order to deal with
him, but alas, he was out shopping for a new set of parentheticals.)




“This
isn’t an art gallery,” I grumbled. 
“Or a photo shoot. I’m going to have to have that chair cleaned now.”




“Have
you forgotten something?”  The
Professor’s eyes flared in my direction.




I
looked away from him pointedly.  “I
might have asked you the same question.




“No,
I don’t think I’ve forgotten anything, apart from a plastic cover for my
leather furniture.”




He
leaned forward. “Perhaps my appearance might jog your memory?”




I
continued inspecting the fascinating sight that was the bare wall of my
condominium.




“I
can hardly see what your appearance has to do with me, although you might want
to rethink your wardrobe choices. 
The police aren’t likely to look favourably on a naked professor
sauntering down Bloor Street.”




“Allow
me to refresh your memory.  On June
third, you released Chapter One of Gabriel’s
Redemption. Then the story stopped. Does this ring any bells?”




“Well,
you and Julianne were in the orchard at the end of the chapter, and …”




The
proverbial light went on in my head. “Oh.”




“Exactly.  Oh.
Although in this case, it would be better to say ouch.




“Do
you have any idea what it’s like to lie naked in an orchard day and night for
weeks on end?”




I
blinked as I scanned my memory banks.




There was that one time in Barcelona …




I
shook my head.




“Sadly,
no.”




The
Professor sniffed primly.  “Well,
it’s damned cold. We only have one blanket.  I’m afraid Julianne is going to catch pneumonia.”




“And
die,” I muttered.




“Excuse
me?” The Professor gave me a look that was so scathing, it could have peeled
the paint from my walls.




“Uh,
nothing.”  I scratched my head
thoughtfully. “I could rewrite the scene and add a few more blankets.”




“You’re
obfuscating.”




I
straightened in my chair.  “I most
certainly am not. And may I remind you, you stole my thesaurus the last time
you were over. I want it back.”




The
Professor waved a dismissive hand in the air, as if he were swatting a gnat.




“Forget
about the thesaurus.  What’s this about
Gabriel’s Redemption being released
in December?”




Oh, here we go, I thought. 




“Et
tu, Brute?”




The
Professor merely scowled.




I
cleared my throat.




“As
you know, I hadn’t planned to write a sequel to Gabriel’s Rapture.  Readers
changed my mind.  So the gap
between the release of books two and three is wider than between books one and
two.”  I pushed my glasses up, as
they’d begun slipping down my nose. 





“Regrettably,”
I added.




The
Professor gazed at me coldly.




“I’ll
say this slowly so that I’m sure you can keep up.




“We’re
in limbo, naked, in the orchard until you release Chapter Two or publish the
entire book.  How do you think that
feels?”




I
pondered this idea for a moment, since his wife was very beautiful.




“SR?”
he prompted.




“What’s
that?” I had momentarily forgotten he was there.




His
eyes narrowed, as if he were reading my mind.




I
looked away.




“I’m
sure it’s extremely uncomfortable. 
Somewhat like having one of your characters show up during lunch
unannounced, naked, and truculent.




“And
don’t even think about borrowing my Oxford English Dictionary in order to look
up ‘truculent.’”




“I
don’t need your damned dictionary. I know what it means,” he spat.




Muttering
to myself, I wandered down the hall to fetch him a towel, which I dumped
unceremoniously in his lap.




“Please
give my apologies to Julianne. I’m sorry for the inconvenience and I will go
back and write in a few more blankets and maybe a cashmere robe.”




“Thank
you. 




“Being
stuck in limbo until December third is damned inconvenient for both of us.  And I’ll have you know that Professor
Picton is not pleased about your delay, either.”




At
this, I closed my eyes.




Not Katherine, too.




I
opened my eyes.




“As
I recall, Professor Picton appears in the novel fully clothed.”




The
Professor glared at me once again.




I
shifted my weight awkwardly. “Not that she isn’t attractive. Um, should I
expect a visit from her as well?”




“No,
she’s in Oxford, where you left her.”




“Oxford
is a bit like limbo. Although perhaps the food is better. I’m not sure.”




Gabriel
snapped his fingers.  “Try to stay
focused, will you?  You have the
attention span of a fruit fly.”




I
straightened myself to my full height.




“I
beg your pardon. I am completely focused. And you might want to rethink your
attitude given the fact that your destiny rests in these hands.”




I
crackled my knuckles in what I hoped would be a menacing fashion.




The
Professor snorted like a horse.




“I
think my destiny rests more in the hands of readers, but carry on, oh God-like
third-person author.”




I
narrowed my eyes at his sarcasm.




“Allow
me to explain how this works.  Readers
can pre-order our novel, which means they’ll receive it immediately on its
release. In some cases, it’s delivered to their Kindle at the stroke of
midnight.  So pre-orders will
certainly hasten your freedom.




“And
because Julianne is – ah – cold, I’ll release Chapter Two. But after I’ve given
her a bathrobe.”




I
gazed into the distance, as I began thinking aloud.




“And
maybe one of those things … you know… with lace and straps.  And some …”




“Watch
it,” he growled.




My
attention immediately returned to the Professor.




I
gulped.




“Right.
Just a robe. But a nice one. Cashmere. 
Very warm.”




The
Professor checked his watch.  “I
should leave so you can get on with it. We’ve waited long enough.”




He
stood to his feet, affixing the very large black bath sheet around his waist.




“I
don’t like to be kept waiting, especially with this book. You know what’s at
stake.”  He gave me a significant
look.




I nodded,
keeping a safe, respectful distance. 
“I promise to do my best.”




“Is
this to be the last book?”




I scratched
my head.  “I think so.”




“You
think so?”  he repeated.  “You don‘t know?”




“Well,
you know what happened the last time I said ‘this is the final book in the
series’…” 




He
shook his head.




“For
an omniscient author, you know precious little.”




I
sighed deeply.  “I get that a lot.”




“I’ll
see myself out.  Enjoy your lunch.
And SR…”




“Yes?”




“Put
on some clothes, for God’s sake.”




He
grimaced at the sight of my Superman pyjamas (of dubious origin) and quickly
withdrew, leaving me to my solitude and my writing.




I’m going to have to burn that chair, I thought.




Or perhaps I can sell it on Ebay…




Fin.




As mentioned above, I posted Chapters One and Two of Gabriel's Redemption on my website. If you preorder the book, the Professor has a gift for you. You can learn more here.




The Professor, Paul, and the Snarky Narrator were recently interviewed by the Sub Club Books site. You can read the interview here.  They'll also be posting a transcript of July 13th's Twitter chat with the Professor, #Lust102.



Finally, UK readers can see the cover design for Gabriel's Redemption and preorder it here.




In order to pass the time between now and December 3rd, (when Gabriel's Redemption releases), I have a number of extras and surprises for you. Please stay tuned and thank you for reading, SR




www.sylvainreynard.com