The Case of The Missing Hamster: Chapter Nine

The Ninth Bit:  A touch of Gratuitous violence.

 

 

The fire ball hit me square in the chest, totally ruining one of my favourite shirts.  And I’d never be able to wear that tie again.  Still, it was entertaining watching the ball bounce off my chest and slam into the bread bin, melting it within a second.

“I just bought that.”  Clare snapped, hitting Pete on the back of the head.  “How did you do that?”

“Dated enough witches to know that you always go amuleted up.”  I slapped Pete around the back of the head as it hurts less than hitting a wall while you’re in pain.  “Amulets.  Better than a gun and always chucks the spell back at them threefold.”

There was a brief blur of fur from behind the molten bin, and an overwhelming smell of toast.  Hammy The Hamster had made a break for it.  Straight behind the microwave.

“Be careful with my stuff.”  Clare snapped hitting Pete about the neck.

“Very careful.”  I hit him harder.  After all, he’s my partner.  I get to hit him first.

“Pete.” I said in a stage whisper and clipping him around the ear for emphasis.  “I’ll move the microwave, you punch the hamster.”

“Oh, I don’t think I should do that in public.  I don’t even do that in private.  I wear boxing gloves at night, just in case.”

“What?”  Clare was getting the idea.  My business partner is a moron.

“Well.  I’m not about to intercourse myself while there is a young Lady around.  You’ll not catch me ‘Having a Humphrey’.  Why are you all staring at me like that?”

“Pete.  I actually want you to Punch The Hamster.”  I clocked him on the back of the head.  “Hit it with your fist.”

“And be careful of the wall.”  Clare just had to but in and clip his ear.

“Oh.”  He did have the decency to blush a little.  “I thought you were talking about masturbation.  I suspect that all of the ”

Clare and I took turns in hitting Pete on the back of the head.

“Excuse me.”  The Hamster had stepped out from behind the microwave and was up on its hind legs. Little hands resting on its hips.  “You do know that it is bad form to start a fight and then veer off part way through for a little chat, don’t you?  I happen to be a bloody professional here.  We should be into chucking fireballs all over this kitchen by now.  I should at least have incinerated the jammy little Homunculus, or at least toasted him into toffee.  So if you four would be good enough to start, I would much appreciate it.”  With that the Hamster stopped its little feet off behind the microwave again, muttering about the ‘Unprofessionalism of The British’.

Bloody foreign psychotic Mad Hamsters coming over here and stealing our Psychotic Mad Hamsters work.

 

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