A Completely Untrue Spoiler For Next Week’s “Game of Thrones” Episode
People were fairly stirred up about the recent Red Wedding episode of Game of Thrones. It’s kind of surprising, given that this stuff has been out there in the books for a while, though I guess some fans of the show are avoiding the books to not spoil plot points of the show. Regardless, people were freaking out because a slew of important characters were all offed at virtually the same time.
Anonymous (and likely imaginary) sources confirmed that this pleased George R. R. Martin. After all, he unsubstantiatedly reported that enjoys screwing with people like this. It was one of his biggest reasons for writing the series. However, he’s apparently become concerned that killing off characters who people didn’t expect to die is kind of becoming expected. He’s worried about losing that element of surprise and shock.
That’s why George R. R. Martin has arranged in next week’s show to start killing characters from shows other than Game of Thrones. “That’s right,” George R. R. Martin apparently commented, “I’ve always hated Sookie Stackhouse. I’m just going to go ahead and kill her.” (For those readers unaware, Sookie Stackhouse is the central character in True Blood, a show that has nothing to do with Game of Thrones.)
“And I’m just getting started. I’ll keep shocking viewers/readers however I have to. Don’t want me to kill Tyrion Lannister? Hell, I’ll just go ahead and kill Peter Dinklage! That’s right, the actor. Won’t that be a surprise? Going as far as actually offing the actors who play the characters instead of just the characters? Even that won’t be the end for me. I might go after viewers after that. You never know, I’M GEORGE R. R. MARTIN! I AM GOD!”
F.B.I officials (who probably don’t exist) commented that they are debating whether or not to profile George R. R. Martin as a serial killer. “Frankly,” they admitted, “enough people have died that we feel like some kind of crime must have been committed. We’re just kind of confused.” (Speaking of serial killing, have you checked out Michael Seidlinger’s My Pet Serial Killer yet?)
