Five Stupid Things People Think About Cops
Street side lawyers piss me off. In case you didn’t know what a street side lawyer is (and you shouldn’t because I just made that term up), a street side lawyer is someone who thinks they know the law based on some shitty movie they’ve seen, or the one time they were arrested. These people rely on old wive’s tales and myths when sharing their advanced legal knowledge. But tonight, I’m going to clear those myths up.
Want my qualifications? OK, I worked for a police department for two years. During those two years working at that police department? I was working on getting a law degree. Trust me, I know my shit.
Myth #1; Cops have quotas for speeding tickets. No, they do not have quotas. They hand out tickets when people break the law and they are never required to hand out a certain amount of tickets per month. Most cops have their own internal ‘cut off’ on handing out speeding tickets. I’ve heard cops say they hand out tickets for people going five miles over the speed limit. I’ve heard cops say they won’t hand out a ticket until someone is going 20 mph over the speed limit. Regardless, they are not required by any entity to write a certain amount of tickets per month. There might be an increased period of tickets, like during a holiday weekend. But rest assured, when you’re getting pulled over, you’re not getting pulled over because someone has a quota. You’re getting pulled over because you broke the law and got caught.
Myth #2: If a cop sits in a ditch waiting for speeders to come by, with their headlights off, that’s entrapment. Nope. I really can’t believe people believe this. Let me explain what entrapment is. Entrapment is forcing you to break a law. Strictly stated, the legal definition of entrapment is “inducing persons not disposed to commit crimes to engage in criminal activity”. I.e. A cop sitting in a ditch with his headlights off is not ‘tricking you” because you were going to speed regardless of whether he was there or not. A cop who gets behind you on a single lane road and steps on the gas, forcing you to speed, is guilty of entrapment. They actually have to take part in the crime you commit for it to qualify as entrapment.
Myth #3. If I ask a cop if he’s a cop, he has to tell me. Who the fuck do you think you’re getting arrested by? Rumpelstiltskin? No, an undercover cop does not have to identify himself as a police officer and they are free to lie about their identity as much as they want. Why? Because lying about your name or job isn’t illegal. If you’re at a drug deal and you ask the guy if he’s a cop, he says no, and you get busted, that’s not entrapment. If the cop pulls a gun on you and forces you to sell him drugs, that’s entrapment. Entrapment only applies if the cop somehow ‘induces’ you to commit a crime that you would not have committed otherwise. If this idiotic defense actually worked, we would never see another drug dealer go to jail. Undercover cops are permitted to lie to a certain extent, and even in some cases, commit a crime. They are not required to identify themselves as cops.
Myth #4. Pretty girls never get tickets. Bullshit. Whether you’re getting a ticket that day generally depends on an officer’s mood. Your looks will never play a part. If you’re an asshole, you’re getting a ticket. If you’re some pretty white chick who tosses out a “do you know who my father is?” you’re getting a ticket. If you’re cool when they pull you over, apologize, and promise not to do it again, you might get away with it. Most cops I know are married, in the process of getting married, or in the process of getting a divorce. Regardless of the case, they are generally at a point in their lives where they hate women. The reason women get less tickets for real? Because they are more cautious drivers overall. This I’m taking from handing insurance for 10 years. Trust me, women are just more cautious drivers.
Myth #5 I got pulled over because of my race. Do you know why stories of racial prejudice in police departments make the news? Because they are unusual. They don’t happen every day. No, not every cop you meet is a racist. Sometimes, they pull you over because your driving a car at 30 miles an hour over the speed limit, in a 1998 BMW with no muffler, with 90% tinted glass on the windows. Sometimes, they pull you over because you are a known drug dealer driving out of a neighborhood where a drive by shooting just happened. You’re not being racially profiled. You’re being criminally profiled based on your history. Get it right.
You might be wondering ‘where the hell did Essa go?” Where the hell is my favorite liberal, opinionated, pot smoking, hard parting girl? She’s right here. And she knows cops. She knows a lot of cops. Most of the cops she knows got into the law enforcement industry because they believed they could make the world a better place. They got there because they wanted to help people. I’m all for helping people and I am 100% against anarchy. The cops out there keep us safe. They protect us all from the endless list of crazies in this world, who get their jollies by hurting and killing people. I, for one, am grateful that they are there. But most of the time, even though they make the same sacrifice, they don’t get the same respect as someone in the armed forced does.
In 2012, 127 police officers died in the line of duty. Those 127 had families. They had friends and they died trying to make the world a better place. In 2012, 176 Army soldiers were killed in action. It fucking amazes me that those 176 are somehow better that the 127 who were fighting our own wars here at home. Apparently, if you leave the country and apprehend people for committing crimes, you’re a hero. If you stay here and do it, you’re a ‘racist pig’.
I’m not stupid. The police officers we have out there are all that keep us from anarchy. You know who wins in an anarchist’s war? Strong people. Dumb, strong, idiots. I don’t want a nation run by people who can take the most steroids. I want a nation run by people who care about what the fuck happens.
I might be a rule breaker. I probably always will be. But I will never say ‘fuck the police’. They are doing a job most of use couldn’t handle, and most of them put their lives on the line for less than $40k per year. Show them the same damn respect that you would show any American soldier.
Because they are soldiers. They fight the battle from the inside, they receive nothing but criticism, but they keep on keeping on. Because they love this country as much as you do. But unlike you, they are actually trying to make it better. Try giving them credit when they do something right, rather than attacking them when the minority does something wrong.
On this Memorial Day, I say thank you fallen soldiers. But I also say thank you domestic soldiers. Thank you to those who chose to make the sacrifice to get into law enforcement. You knew it would never make you rich. You knew that you would probably be attacked. You did it knowing that you could die in the line of duty. And you did it knowing that there are idiots out there that call you pigs. There are idiots who think they’re making some kind of statement when they say ‘fuck the police’.
Know that there are people like me who respect what you do. Know that I am glad that you are there. Know that I am a little annoyed that there is no memorial day for those fallen officers who have sacrificed their lives to keep this country safe from the inside.
And know that I will never bitch you out for giving me a speeding ticket.
