A Review of Model Behavior and A Personal Story: Affirmations of Opportunity

This young woman wrote a Fan Story for me months back called A Slice of Life. It was so good we invited her to cover my Sacramento book signing campaign kick off. She is brave, beautiful, and honors me with her truth and courage!

-Naima

By Cassondra Hamm

Knock, knock. My life is calling. Fear and self doubt have conditioned me to push my shoulder, with all my weight behind it, up against that door, holding fast onto the doorknob while my head screams things such as, “You’re not good enough. You’re not smart enough. You’re not talented enough. You were never meant to shine that brightly.”

I have allowed this negative self-talk to keep me closed off from so many beautiful experiences. There have been so many times I have been presented with an opportunity to do exactly what it is I know I am meant to do, and yet, I shook my head with a resounding, “No!” because I was scared.

I am much more comfortable standing in the shadows of the greatness around me, than casting shadows of my own.

It wasn’t until I fully realized just how much I had to give, that I saw if I wanted to make some waves in this world, I needed to start saying, “Yes!” to the things that were in line with the spiritual path I was on. To heal the parts of myself that were broken, and in turn help others. I began to write.

I wrote about the scariest parts of myself. I was fully honest and raw. I told the truth about the parts about me that scared me the most. The parts that I kept hidden and secret in shame. I did it for me.

For so long I had kept things so close to my heart that they would eat me from the inside out. Once I began to put the words to paper, and push it out into the great big universe, my breath became deeper. My soul found peace. The screaming in my head quieted, somewhat, and I began to heal.

The kicker? People liked it! I was embraced by friends and family and even noticed by a few publishers. I had strangers stopping me and telling me how much they had connected with the things that I had written. People began saying, “Yes!” to me, because I had said, “Yes!” to healing and, “No!” to fear and doubt.

It was uncomfortable, sure. The most uncomfortable and in turn important thing I wrote was a story about self-mutilation. In a manic moment of complete desire to heal, I shared the piece with a friend who is a publisher, Tracy Saville. She encouraged me to submit it to a nationally read blog she was working on with America’s Next Top Model Naima Mora. I did a little research on Naima’s project and felt it was a safe avenue to share my story with, and slammed my story out for the world to see.

To be totally honest, six months after the fact, I had pretty much forgotten about the piece. It wasn’t until Tracy contacted me and asked if I would be willing and interested in covering Naima’s book signing party and writing an article about my experience that I began to understand the power of the words I had written. Knock knock? More like a battering ram. I had no choice but to stand back and let that door blow open and let this opportunity sweep me up, and my potential out into the real life literary world. I said, “Yes!”

True to my conditioned form of masks and appearances, the thing I focused the most on was what I was going to wear. This was a professional fashion model I was going to be writing about, after all. Even if I felt like I had no business being there, at least I could look like I did. Fake it until you make it, they tell me. Let’s do this.

It was the moment I was introduced to Naima, that I realized how silly the masks we all wear are. There she was, standing tall, long, and beautiful in some jeans and a hoodie pulled deeply over her head. Tracy introduced us and I reached out to shake her hand, she pulled off her hoodie and looked me deeply in the eyes, smiled, and said, “It is really lovely to meet you. I look forward to reading the things you write about this.” Whoa. I immediately knew that was where Naima’s true beauty lived. In her spirit, in her connection, in her ability to communicate with people. And If I wasn’t nervous before, I sure as hell was now.

I felt fully out of place following Naima up the stairs to sit in on her hair and makeup session. I felt so awkward, that I expressed to everyone including the very nice and fashionable stylists that asked me if they could get me anything, “Oh no. I’m fine. I’m just kind of going to be here. You know. Lurking around in the back round taking notes. I’m not even sure what I am doing here.”

I received a lot of uncomfortable giggles in response but that was my truth. Do you want to know a secret about me? I have always thought I wanted to be a forensic psychologist. There is something deep within my core that I find both fascinating and authentic about sitting back, observing people and being able to come up with theories and story lines based upon their words and behaviors.

As I was sitting in that chic hair and makeup studio watching, observing, and learning, I realized that it isn’t criminal justice that is my calling, it is my inherent ability to observe people and find truth and create a story that is relate able to the masses spoken from my voice. That is what I was doing there.

So I watched. I listened. I took notes and asked questions. I took pictures and sent them to my best friend who responded with exclamations of encouragement. I could do this! This is what I was put here for. This is my gift to the world.

I learned a lot about Naima that night. I learned that she is a twin, a Pisces, a singer and a girlfriend. When asked if she were a model or a rock star, she replied with “Do I have to choose? I’m going to do it all. Just like Grace Jones.”

When I finally got comfortable enough to ask her some questions directly, she was humble and honest. She was friendly and welcoming. She was oh so passionate about the work that she is doing to reach young women and change people’s lives.

I spoke with Naima about her book and I asked her why it was so important to her. She expressed to me that she had been given this platform of a reality television show fame to speak from, and that she wanted to give the people that looked up to her, especially young people, something tangible.

Naima has always known that she was meant to help inspire people to follow their dreams. What most struck me about speaking to Naima was how instead of asking herself how these opportunities could help her, her fame and her success, her wallet, she was asking herself how she could help other people. It reminded me of a daily affirmation I used to say to myself, “I am a recognized and respected writer helping others through my experiences.”

There is a common bond between butterflies with broken wings in that we all want to help each other fly. 

Naima’s book is unique in that it is filled with full color pictures and broken into seven short chapters of compact and powerful content. It is visually stunning and rich with inspiration. I asked Naima why she broke out of the box and presented the world with a book of such different format. She smiled an honest smile and without missing a beat replied, “We spend so much time on the internet. People would rather watch a video on YouTube than sit down and read something. The way people are learning has changed. I wanted to make something that was dispersing information in that way.”

Naima’s desire to deeply do things that change people’s lives knows no limitations, and like a true child of our generation, she is adapting to the technology that is available to her. Naima and I chatted briefly about her next project, “Model Citizen”.

She shared with me that it is going to be a compilation of fan stories, young women of influential stature, and her own stories tied together. I told her, with some I admit selfish hope that she would recognize my name, that I had submitted a story to her fan blog and that it had been published and she brightened right up and said, “Oh! Great! So you’ll be in the book!” Well, yeah! Isn’t that the goal here? Isn’t that the big, impossible dream that I have been chasing?

I learned a lot about myself and about the greater good during my journey with Naima. If you really look at the transgressions of events it’s pretty simple. I took a shot. One shot. I mean, granted it was a pretty big shot, but I took it. I knew deep down that my experiences could help other people and that holding them close to me like some kind of shameful secret, was doing a disservice to myself and everyone around me.

I knew that in order to stay true to who I am and what I feel like I am meant to accomplish in this life; I had to start somewhere. So I put myself out there and shared part of my story. Because of that, I got to meet one of the most honest and inspiring people out there, and become a part of her motion to help the young people of the world.

I have a voice that needs to be heard, and there are people out there who see the possibilities, who can help me with the megaphone. I’m really looking forward to finding out what else will come of my relationships with Naima Mora, Tracy Saville, and Possibility Books. I am excited and hopeful and albeit a little day-dreamy of all the things that could be. Could I be in Naima’s next book? Could I write a book of my own?

The possibilities are endless, and based upon the experience I just I had I know that if I do the footwork, the universe will take care of the rest and say yes. So here I am saying, “Yes!” And, hey. If nothing else happens, this silly little girl who used to practice pulling her face tight for pictures and stomped across college campuses with one foot directly in front of the other, got to meet Naima Mora. I watched every single episode of Cycle 4, and having Naima tell me I was beautiful was the adolescent thrill of a lifetime.

 

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