Sense and Civility: An Announcement and an Open Letter

i will no longer be commenting or 'liking' one star reviews and/or ratings because the reviewers seem to really not like it and i want to respect that choice. why? because no matter how good my intentions are, going against someone's preferences is not a very nice thing to do. best case scenario, it's awkward. worse case scenario, it comes off as aggressive. so, won't be doing that anymore!

if you would like me to respond to your one-star review, please feel free to pm me or make a note of that in your review. i try to read all my reviews, both good and bad, so i will definitely see it. i am also quite amenable to criticism. i won't think any less of you if you have things to say about the content or the plot. in fact, i will probably apologize to YOU. don't be afraid of me!

the rest of you are still fair game. ;)

...of course, if you find me a truly loathsome excuse for a human being, please feel more than welcome to block me. really. nothing says gtfo quite as effectively as old mr. block button. plus, i won't be able to comment.

if blocking is too extreme, you could also say, "NENIA. I SEE YOU THERE A-CREEPING. DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT CLICKING THAT 'LIKE' BUTTON." (*resists temptation to click it*)

if there's one thing signing up as an author on goodreads has taught me, it is that you can't please everyone. at first, this made me really depressed and frustrated because i would really like to be everyone's friend. seriously.



(pusheen says it best.)

but this doesn't work in the real world, so why on earth would it be that way in the virtual one? not everyone can be your friend.
(literally AND figuratively - goodreads has a 4k friends cap.)

friendliness doesn't always work, anyway, in spite of what the "be nice" advocates might have you believe. if it isn't welcome, it can come across as false or aggressive. neither of which are good.

civility, empathy, and pragmatism are better - and more professional and useful, as well. this doesn't mean you should be a jerk. by all means, be friendly! be as friendly as you like. but also know when to back off or tone it down or switch gears if necessary.

you also can't let it embitter you, or make you lose faith in other people because that just isn't fair.

to anyone.

including yourself.

authors, be grateful for the friends and readers you have - and will undoubtedly encounter in the future. don't ever take them for granted, or assume their continued readership.

also, understand that it's far more difficult to deal with people you don't like than people whom you do like. liking people who like you is easy, and so is being civil. being civil to people who don't like you is a test of character.

if you absolutely disagree with someone, then it is good to be as civil as you can. and also to concede the argument if you are wrong. (and you will be wrong; you are, if nothing else, only human.)

if you cause offense, apologize, but don't expect forgiveness - if you receive it, be grateful. if you don't, take solace in the fact that you have done all you can and avoid similar trespasses in the future.

but if you can't, well, the block button is there for a reason.

do NOT go to "that site." (i feel like we should call it you-know-what, as if it were an internet voldemort.)

ever.

that is like bombing for peace. it just doesn't work, and will contaminate your work and your reputation for years to come.

don't do it.

also, remember that there is a person on the other side of that screen. think carefully before responding. would you say such a thing in a personal email, or in a conversation? if not, perhaps you should consider your words carefully before hitting the 'comment' button. or add a winky-face to show that you're being sarcastic and not out-and-out mean.

just because something is said on the virtual world doesn't mean it's exempt from being hurtful, bullying, or hostile.

i am still pretty young and foolish, so i am grateful to have friends on this site who are older and wiser, who give me good advice when i feel stupid or upset.

i have redacted some things i have said in the past, and i have apologized for missteps, but on the whole, i think i have left a more positive mark on this site than a negative one.

as always, i thank you, goodreadians, for helping me remember to keep the 'good' in goodreads.

happy reading!

xox nenia

<3