[Perry] How to Create Mulled Apple Cider

The Very Perry Wednesday theater company proudly presents this Wednesday’s attempt at entertainment.

A snippet of an email conversation between our very own esteemed Lady Moore and myself.

*Curtains rise*

Perry: DO YOU KNOW WHAT I WANT TO MAKE BEFORE IT GETS WARM?

I want to try making some mulled apple cider.

Have you ever tried that?

Tami: I have never tried it but now I want to. How do you mull an apple? Do you stare at it pensively, mulling it over?

Perry: Honestly, Tami, my dear.

Sometimes one listens to the words you utter and can’t help but think that you are deliberately attempting to be a silly goose.

But being the soul of courtesy and wit, my dear, I shall try to answer the question in the spirit in which it was uttered.Of COURSE, one does not mull over an apple in order to turn it into cider.

What purpose would such an act serve?

If you were endeavoring to create a mulled TAMI apple cider, then yes, you would mull over the apple before some enterprising fellow (perhaps, one such as myself) would come along and pop you into the pot to simmer and boil, apple and all.

To create mulled APPLE cider, one must provide the curious circumstances required to let the APPLE mull over its fate.

To do this, one must take an apple and first treat it gently.

Provide it with a nice all around wash, being not ashamed to ensure that every bit of it has been completely cleaned.

Then, one must draw out a lean and utterly wicked looking knife and menace the apple for a period of greater than three minutes but no longer than five minutes.

This serves the purpose of getting said apple to work up a bit of a glucose-drive ‘sweat’ so to speak but too much will render the fruit sour due to fear.

Once this has been accomplished, you must use the knife to cut the apple into slices.

Be advised, one must approach the apple from behind when coming up with the blade. If the apple were to see you coming, it would defeat the entire purpose of the exercise and one must begin again from scratch.

Once slices have been removed from the (surprised) apple to expose its insides to the water, simply place the mutilated fellow into a pot of water and set it on a low heat.

This will give the apple time to ‘mull over’ its fate and hopefully, come to terms with its eventual demise but the acceptance of his fate is not completely necessary. So long as the apple mulls over its impending doom as the water heats up, it will have the desired effect of transforming the water around it to a mulled apple-y flavor but it is always a nice bonus if the apple accepts the inevitability of its own demise, is it not?

Continue to leave the water at a boil for a few minutes past the apple’s death and serve in tea mugs with a stick of cinnamon for flavor.

….Alternatively, one can follow this simple recipe, add a shot of brandy or rum for some heat and an added kick, and enjoy while cuddled up under a warm blanket and a fantastic book on a cold winters night as the snow falls thick and silent outside the window just to the left of the couch.<

…..Either way really *blandface*

*Red velvety curtains fwoooomp down onto the stage*

This has been a Very Perry Wednesday Production

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