Be Assertive, Not Aggressive

Being assertive is requesting or asking for the things that you like. This isn’t an easy thing to do for many women – too often, we fear crossing the line between assertion and aggression. But if you want to get what you need in the workplace, you must learn how to speak up. 

The next time you are unsure if you have the right to assert your needs, think of the situation like a see-saw: you need to keep both sides balanced. Your boss has rights, and you have yours, too. If you feel that he has been asking too much of you, all you need to do is state how you feel about it and offer alternatives. 

Let’s take a look at the most common office complaint – being asked to work overtime. If you aren’t always requested to work more hours, chances are you’re understanding and willing to do it. But if you’re repeatedly asked to stay late, the see-saw will lose its balance. This is the time to be assertive. 

To make sure you don’t sound aggressive, you have to:

Avoid using words or language that is aggressive. The use of “YOU” language is aggressive. It doesn’t sound right to use “you” because it makes the complaint seem like a personal attack. For example, “You are so unfair for asking me to work overtime so often,” or, “You are not being considerate.” Chances are, your boss doesn’t enjoy working late, either, but is unable to find a different solution. 

Choose assertive language. Use “I” instead of “You.” You need to explain your point of view by stating facts. You become reasonable only if there are facts to support your claims. It is important also that you suggest alternatives just so you won’t make your boss feel helpless and left without any viable options. 

If asked to work late, your response could be, “I have been made to work longer hours a couple of times already, and I didn’t mind because I knew we were down a few people to do the job. But I will have to leave on time starting next week because I have to drive my son to little league.” 

 

–Cecile Peterkin is a certified career and retirement coach and a registered member of the Career Professionals of Canada and the International Coach Federation. She is also the founder and Senior Career Strategist at Cosmic Coaching Center, provider of career and life management services across Canada, the United States, and Europe.