And now for something completely silly…
From Letters to the Journal of Transcircumstantial Linguistics
Implications of New Evidence on the History of Late Cretaceous Languages
A.B. Dunwitte, W.B. van Beek, R. Akutagawa
There have been many attempts to find, one would hesitate to say forge, links between the so-called “Cretaceous Languages” (K-Ls) and those of our home timeline. The curious reader may find arguments for relationships between one or more K-Ls and Algic, Sino-tibetan, and Turkic to name only the most popular. However, unambiguous evidence has yet to present itself for any genetic relationship other than that between the K-Ls (all K-Ls) and the Germanic branch of the Indo-European language family, specifically English.
A case study of the value of this interpretation is presented in the reconstructed origins of the city of Megga. Stories of this paradisiac city or garden are wide-spread in many K-L mythologies, including Ethlek Meggha, Fesh Ma’ash, and Kacharan Me’eye. In addition, the archaic toponym for the forests north of the Hell Creek Floodplain (The Thalassian province of Pinea), Nuwa is well attested from Nwa and Thalassian sources, as is Spek Nmo for the Floodplain, itself (The Ethlek lands, the Face of God). The cognate nature of these two sets of terms is widely accepted, reconstructed at proto-Ethlek *Mega and proto-Nwa *Nuam.
The genetic relationship between these two groups of words did not come to light until recently, when a single tax document on a 1st dynasty Senerian merchant vessel was found to preserve the intriguing ethnonym “Nu Amaga people” to describe “barbarians dwelling along the lanes of the Seaway.” Thus it seems likely that Me’eye, Meggha, Megga, Nwa, and possibly nwirga (“pirate” in most K-North American languages) are all derivatives of a phrase reconstructable as *nu ameega.
The temptation to name the first Maastrichtian human settlement “New America” is great indeed.
But what sort of language did the “Meggans” speak? We can make surprisingly specific educated guesses.
The most conservative K-Ls are to be found in the jjii, or etching plates, of the Orthodox Memorialist churches of Seneria (the largest state on the southeastern coast of the K-Asian continent). There, may be seen a language that, like “Meggan” preserved analytic morphology and lacked vowel harmony.
However we can already see the elision of unstressed vowels, (see Old Memorialist pejis, Orthodox Memorialist pjis, and modern Senarian jjii). If we are the reconstruct the English word “pages,” we must also assume a very early “Meggan” shift of preferred emphasis from the first to the second syllable of nouns. This shift in turn must have occurred after the voicing of intervocalic consonants (Orthodox Memorialist dar, Old Memorialist ada’r from “Meggan” *a’der, Eng. “water”). A later tendency to turn intervocalic voiced consonants into flaps or burrs is present only in K-North American languages such as Eethlek (ni-rrar), and Nwa (arra). Accusative morphology is common among K-Ls, leading to the assumption that the reconstructed form *do it eat food (for unagentive direct objects) versus *do him eat father (agentive direct object) was already commonplace by time of the Fall of Megga.
The implications of this monogenic theory of K-L evolution extend far beyond the reconstruction of the “Meggan” language. If all K-Ls can be assumed to have derived from 21st century American English, then the K-world itself becomes an in incalculably valuable natural laboratory of linguistic evolution. For example, the fact that no K-L has been found to be tonal or pitch-determined gives credence to the proposed relationship between the ASPM mutation (present in most European-Americans and all examined K-people) and atonality. In addition, the multiple unrelated instances of head-final languages in what must have once been a solely head-initial world adds another brick to the Chomskian citadel of universal grammar.
