The Littlest War

(North Korea’s latest threat: Death by Photoshop)

December 2025. A third-grade classroom, somewhere in flyover America. The first-period teacher waits a few more moments, mentally calculating the lag time before her students’ sedative-laced half-pints of milk kick in. Finally, she rhythmically taps her NEA-issue smart-board-pointer-slash-emergency-Taser against the rim of her ‘Genders R 4 Haters’ mug.

“Okay, class: settle down. I know you’re all excited about getting a few days off for the Whol...