ink-and-paper-pursuit:
Splitting the Difference: A...
Splitting the Difference: A Heart-Shaped Memoir
By Tré Miller Rodríguez
Reviewed By: Lili
The Set Up:
Tré Miller Rodríguez became a widow at thirty-four. I’m not spoiling anything from the book here - it’s on the book jacket, for goodness’ sake - and it’s important to know going in that this is a memoir of loss and mourning. That being said, it’s not a Sad Book: think Nicholas Sparks or those lovely Lurlene McDaniel books I devoured in middle school about kids with cancer. After telling us about Alberto’s sudden death in March of 2009, following a whirlwind courtship and three-year marriage, Tré’s story is about her past triumphs, her present grief, and her future in a world immeasurably shaped by, but no longer physically including, Alberto.
Tré has a very popular Tumblr, and I devoured her blog in my early Tumblin’ days, so I’ll admit that I was concerned that I’d read it all before. I hadn’t. Tré has lived the kind of life that you WANT to read about - especially me, living in the East Coast ‘burbs incredibly far from the action movie that was her teens and twenties. (There weren’t many bonfires with acid trips in small town New Jersey. I suddenly feel like I missed out on something.) But beyond all that, Tré delves into the nitty gritty of her life: the loss of her brother Phil to a car accident, the surrender of her daughter for adoption at nineteen, the boyfriends and hook-ups and funerals and parties that led her to Alberto and a cross-country move. And of course, what happens next, including a beautiful reunion with her daughter that I won’t spoil for you. But grab some tissues. I needed them.
This book is moving without being cloying, optimistic without having a Disney ending, artistically woven without a forced artsy feeling. It’s fascinating to me how immediate the book felt: she writes about posting to Twitter the morning she finds Alberto and leaving him Facebook messages after he’s gone, things I never really considered but are obviously a part of loss in our social media-soaked world. I lost the thread of the narration sometimes - Tré intersperses stories from her youth into the present, and I’m incredibly literal when I read - but it was always easy to pick up again. Her words feel like poetry, and even when she’s in the worst of her despair, there’s something beautiful about reading her words.
When I finished, I wasn’t depressed. Similarly to how her daughter feels, I felt like I’d just read about an amazingly literary, well-lived, well-loved life. I felt like I’d gotten to know Alberto and had just experienced a beautiful tribute to his life and the impact it’s had even after it ended. And overall, I wanted to give Tré a huge hug. Which is not something I normally say about memoir writers. I don’t usually like memoirs. I loved this one. It made me want to love harder and live a little crazier and appreciate everyone in my life a little more. THAT is the sign of a good book.
Trigger Warnings: As mentioned on the jacket and in this review, Tré’s husband dies of a heart attack. She finds him that morning, and the first chapter of this book deals with the day of his death in vivid detail. If that’s a thing that freaks you out, brace yourself - it’s not worth skipping the book over, but it is a thing you should know before starting.
Read This If: You’ve ever lost someone you loved, or you’ve ever loved someone at all. I hugged my boyfriend A a little tighter after reading this, and called my mom, and sent a prayer up to my nana in heaven - who died of a heart attack at age 56. It’s a fitting tribute to anyone you’ve lost to read this book and think of them.
Rating:
Kept waiting for the “but…” or “the book failed to…” yet it somehow never came. Fingers/eyes/toes crossed that the other impending reviews are half as kind.
