Boston AWP 2013 Scandal Report Day 2: Not Even Writers Read Anymore

On only the first full actual day of AWP 2013 in Boston, the event is again rocked by scandal. This time it was discovered that the entire writing world has pretty much stopped reading anything. Though railing frequently about literacy and shrinking audiences for their work, apparently the entire AWP convention finally admitted that they didn’t read anymore either.

The shocking revelation came to light during a talk by Professor Lighthearted Englebottom of the English and Literature Department of DeVri Online University. The professor had asked the audience for an example in Steinbeck’s work of religious aestheticism. When no one could come up with one, the professor offhandedly demanded: “What, don’t you people read?” Perhaps most amazingly of all, the audience admitted that this was actually the case. The professor then was forced to admit that he didn’t read either, particularly the works on which his lecture was based.

“I mean,” one conference attendee reportedly commented, “I always wanted to be a writer. I never wanted to READ anything. I guess I just always thought someone else was doing that. Turns out, no one is.”

AWP officials are still scrambling to determine how this will affect the conference, both for the current time and for later years. Technically, AWP is a writing conference as opposed to a reading one, so perhaps nothing will happen. In any event, the entire conference was pretty surprised.