No, I’m Not Part of the Feminist Agenda…I’m Just a Tramp

I was driving this morning, listening to talk radio because I was chain smoking and couldn’t hit the ‘scan’ button. As I was listening, one of those radio psychologists came on and she started talking about feminism. Specifically, she started talking about the ‘feminist agenda’ and how women are ‘giving up their power’.

How are women giving up their power? Why, by being sexually liberated. According to the radio shrink, the reason women dress provocatively and have one night hook ups is because they are on a mistaken quest to ‘assert their sexual power’.

At that point, I had to pull over so I could vomit.

I am sick of every personal decision I make in my life being turning into some kind of male/female power struggle. Can’t be a stay-at-home mom, because I’m giving up my independence. Can’t go to work because I’m being a bad mother. I can’t be promiscuous, because apparently, that means I have low self esteem. But if I never get laid, I’m not embracing my sexuality.

Hey radio shrink, you know what takes away a woman’s power? Letting a radio shrink, with an Associate’s Degree from Bill and Tony’s Upstairs Hollywood College, tell them who to be.

The only decision I make in my life, based on the fact that I have a vagina, is what type of tampons to buy. Every other decision I make, I’m making as a person. Not a woman. Not an ‘empowered lady embracing her femininity’. Nope, just as a person who has to make choices.

And I’m not going to apologize to anyone for them, least of all someone who accuses me of having an ‘agenda’.

When I go to a bar, and I decided to pick up an anonymous dude, so I can attempt to knock him unconscious with my headboard, I’m not doing it because I have low self esteem. I’m not doing it to feel empowered. I’m doing it because I want to get laid, but my life is too fucking complicated for a boyfriend.

I don’t have daddy issues. I’m not part of ‘the hook up culture’. I’m a busy motherfucker. I work 18 hours a day. I have a kid to take care of. I’m writing three new novels simultaneously. I don’t have the time or the attention to dedicate to a man. But that doesn’t mean I should never get laid again…and I don’t want to do it on battery power.

Here’s the deal. Women have been having random hookups for centuries. From the ancient bathhouses in Rome, to the peasant girls in Victorian England, right up to the 60’s and the ‘sexual liberation’. The only reason hook ups get so much attention now is because we actually talk about them.

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Bacchanal anybody? Loosely translated “wild, drunken, orgy party”

Women need to stop trashing other women for the sake of psychology and the ‘feminist agenda’. If some 19 year old girl wants to flash her tits at a ‘Girls Gone Wild’ camera, who the hell are you to tell her she can’t? Her actions reflect on her and not her gender as a whole.

Until we stop drawing gender lines, and acting like there is a different set of requirements for women that there is for men, there is always going to be a war between the sexes. Why? Because we created a war between the sexes.

As far as I’m concerned, for this war, you can consider me Switzerland…neutral and uninterested. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a naked unconscious man I need to drag out to the curb.