Friday’s Featured Blogger – A.J. Goode of A Good One

Subject – A.J. Goode of A Good One

Location – some bushes outside a townhouse in London, England

 

I crouch down on the ground, being sure to stay out of sight as A.J. and I go through the inventory for tonight’s adventure. She picks up a carton of eggs and pops it open to make sure we have a full dozen.

“I have to say, I was skeptical when you wanted to come all the way to England to do my interview, but now, I’m pretty sure this is the best interview ever!”

I check my duffel bag and count out the rolls of toilet paper. Another even dozen. We are going to destroy this bitch’s house. “I know,” I peer up at a window on the second floor. “Now we just have to wait for her to go to sleep.”

A.J. snorts. “She’ll probably be up all night, stealing characters from other writer’s novels and turning them into pornographic caricatures for one of her alleged ‘books’.”

I can only hope she’s wrong. I didn’t come all the way to England just to crouch in E.L. James’ bushes. I have vandalism planned. Sure, it’s immature, but so am I. I let out a whoosh of air as the light in the upstairs room goes off. The half assed hack has finally gone to bed.

A.J. stands up, egg in hand, ready to launch her attack. Suddenly, I notice movement next to a Mercedes parked in the driveway. I grab A.J. by the wrist and yank her back down into the bushes.

“Shit, someone is here.” I focus on the car and try to see what’s going on. A figure, all in black, is squatted next to one of the rear tires. She looks oddly familiar.

A.J. recognizes her too. “Is that Stephenie Meyer?”

“Yeah, what the hell is she doing here?” I stand and walk over to her. “Stephenie Meyer?”

She spins around, looking guilty and I notice she has an air cap in her hand. “That’s me.”

“What are you doing here?” A.J. has joined us.

She looks down at the cap in her hand. “I come here once a week to let all the air out of E.L. James’ tires. What are you guys doing here?”

“We’re here to vandalize her house, and also to do a featured blogger interview.”  I tug on A.J.’s arm, “We’ll let you get back to work.”

A.J. and I return to the bushes and pick up our supplies. She takes an egg out of the carton and launches it in a beautiful overhand throw that splatters all over the front door. “Damn, that was satisfying.”

I nod in agreement and pull out my tape recorder.

***

Tell us about your site, A Good One. What inspired you to write it? What are your goals with it?

I started blogging as a way of getting into the habit of writing every day. It’s sort of a mixed bag of ideas and stories on topics that include parenting, writing, and dealing with ADHD, Depression, and chronic pain – without being a journal about self-pity and whining.   I’m trying to convey the idea that there is always hope, that things can always get better.

Initially, I was inspired by a horrible little troll who uses her blog here to slander some of my friends on another site.  When I saw how she hurt people by doing the wrong thing with her words, I felt inspired to start a blog that could do the right thing with mine.  I want to use my blog to lift others up, not tear them down.

I hope that writing this bog will help me hone my writing skills and habits.  I’d like to make a few people laugh or smile or at least relate to something I write.  Overall, it’s about accountability. If I’m going to call myself a writer, and blog about trying to be a writer, then I have to write.  I have to follow through.

What writing projects are you working on right now? 

I am working on a novel that is tentatively called “Her House Divided”.  It’s a romantic fiction about a woman rebuilding her life after a devastating injury, and a man who would do anything to preserve the historic waterfront property they have inherited together.   The opening chapters took third place in the Series Contemporary category of this year’s Launching a Star competition.

I also have a short story called “A Walk In The Woods” that may have to become a YA novel because it just keeps growing.  It has become one of those projects that I don’t even enjoy anymore but I can’t seem to walk away from it.  It’s about the disappearance of a child in a very small town, told from the point of view of a teen who is related to the main suspect.

How much booze does it take you to write a sex scene? What’s your drink of choice? 

I have a real weakness for hard cider and German wines, although there’s nothing like an ice-cold Coors on a hot day.  Whichever one I choose, I have to drink just enough to feel all warm and friendly, but not enough to get silly.  Otherwise, my characters end up doing inexplicable things that have nothing to do with sex, and I just have to sober up and rewrite everything.

Does the popularity of 50 Shade of Gray make you lose faith in humanity too? 

Ugh.  I don’t understand why people are gobbling up those books.  They are badly written, with poorly-defined and unbelievable characters, and the sex scenes aren’t the least bit of a turn-on.  Honestly, it feels like something that was written by a virgin with rape fantasies and lots of batteries.

You know, I actually remember it when it was a “Twilight” fanfiction called “Master of the Universe”.  It broke so many rules of Fanfiction.Net, but she was one of those arrogant butthurts who thought she was above the rules because she was just so damn special.  Because of her and the negative attention she brought down on the site, Fanfction.Net had to redefine their M and MA ratings and step up enforcement, which has led to the deletion of thousands of stories.

You were diagnosed with ADHD. Have you always had it, or was it adult onset. How do you deal with it?

I was diagnosed with ADHD shortly after the birth of my second child,   I’ve tried everything from Ritalin to Stratterra to Adderall, but now I’m just trying to manage it with life skills I’ve had to learn.  Lots of to-do-lists, lots of routines, lots of planning.   I’ve learned a lot from Martha Cilley’s book “Sink Reflections” and her website Flylady.Net.  She’s dangerously perky. But the organizational tips have been life-saving for me.

Although my house was MUCH cleaner when I had my Adderall.  Good stuff.

Same question, insert depression.  

The Depression diagnosis is fairly new, although I think I’ve probably had bouts of it my entire life.  I’m in therapy twice a month, and we’re still figuring out whether to go the medication route or not.  Right now, I pretty much deal with it by writing about it and trying to spend time with people who raise me up.

You can bring back one person from the dead to ask them one question. Who do you bring back and what do you ask?

Laura Ingalls Wilder.  “Who really wrote your books, you or your daughter?”

You used to work as a cosmetologist. Did you ever have a major screw up, like you shaved a bad spot into their head or waxed off an eyebrow. Tell us about it.

In beauty school, I gave a perm to a woman who had used Sun-In on her hair.  When the perm solution hit the Sun-In, the chemical reaction literally melted the hair.  I took off the processing cap and a bunch of perm rods hit the floor, with hair still wrapped around them.  Legally, it wasn’t my fault because the client had lied about the products in her hair, but I was so upset I threw up for days.

Lesson learned:  Never lie to your hairdresser.  Ever.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Brach’s Double-Dippers.  Those, and my unfortunate addiction to fanfiction and the early music of R.E.M.

The quote you want on your tombstone? 

The same one that’s on my father’s:  Humor is God’s Gift.

***

I put away my tape recorder as I appraise the damage A.J. and I have done. The rolls of toilet paper and eggs have been put to good use.

“Nicely done.” We both turn around as Stephenie Meyer comes to stand with us, admiring the absolute mess we have made. There is not a square inch that isn’t covered in egg or toilet paper.

“I thought you didn’t mind that E.L. James stole your characters to write her shitty books.”

Stephenie snorts. “My publicist made me say that. In reality, I hope her ‘inner goddess’ fucking chokes to death.”

A.J. and I smile. We couldn’t agree more.

If you want to check out A.J.’s site, she can be found at A Good One.