Gratuitous and Unnecessary

In 1947, a little known sitcom called Mary Kay and Johnny shocked the nation when they showed a married couple sharing a bed, as opposed to sleeping in twin beds, like prior television couples had done. When Lucille Ball was pregnant on I Love Lucy, the actors and writers were told they were not allowed to say the word ‘pregnant’ on television. The ‘Lucy gives birth’ episode was considered scandalous and came very close to getting the highly rated show cancelled.

Last night, while watching one of my favorite shows, I saw a man perform oral sex on a fully naked woman. Later in that same episode, the again fully nude woman masturbated in the bath using a shower head. I was not watching pornography. I was watching a new series on Cinemax called Banshee.

My, how the times have changed.

I think we can all agree that I’m not a prude. I’ve done posts about my pubic hair. I’ve done in depth interviews on BDSM.  I once game my phone number to an entire Brazilian soccer team. There are a lot of words people could use to describe me. Prude is definitely not one of them.

But if I wanted to watch porn, I would just watch porn.

So many shows seem to be incorporating graphic sex scenes just for the purpose of incorporating graphic sex scenes. By graphic, I don’t mean showing flashes of skin and a couple rolling around in bed. By graphic, I mean you’re actually watching the episode and wondering if the actors involved really were doing it, of if they were just acting.

Honestly, its getting a little annoying.

Dear Hollywood movie and television writers, if a sex scene does absolutely nothing to advance the plot, then it is gratuitous and unnecessary.

Let me use another example, in case you haven’t seen Banshee. Game of Thrones. I watch the show, and I’ve read all the books. I have participated in the hate on for George R.R. Martin when he forced everyone to wait 10 years for a sequel. In the books and the show, the sex is graphic.

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Tyrion Lannister, putting the ‘Imp” into ‘Pimp” since 2011.

In the books, it’s necessary. The sex scenes are used to show how Tyrion is easily manipulated by the women he sleeps with, despite being an intelligent man. They show how Jamie is able to finally break free of Cersei’s hold (whoops, spoiler alert) by being with another woman. They show how Daenerys develops as a character through the use of seduction.

Then, they filmed the scenes for TV and it turned into pointless smut instead. They decided to toss in a few additional characters, just for the purpose of filming some serious girl on girl action. Really?

I’m sick of watching girls finger each other and perform oral sex, then having someone tell me its necessary for the ‘integrity’ and ‘realism’ of the roll. Yes, I know, in reality, that my neighbors fuck, but there’s a reason I shut the window when I hear the moans start. Because it’s private. I don’t run outside and press my face to the glass.

How much further is this going to go? Going to the bathroom is gritty and realistic as well. Am I going to be forced to watch Marshall take a dump on the next episode of How I Met Your Mother?

I really don’t understand the purpose and I think the whole ‘sex sells’ philosophy has taken things a little too far. These scenes don’t help a show, and the perverts who watch the show just for the scenes are going to have their masturbation session interrupted when the action begins again.

Because the scenes are too short to jerk off to, but too long to ignore. What the hell is the point?

Dear Banshee, when you start filming again, may I suggest you look into something called the ‘cut-away’? This is where you start a sex scene, and then you cut away before it gets heavy, thereby leaving a little to the watchers imagination. That way, I don’t have to cringe in embarrassment and leave the room because I’m watching the show with my brother. I mean Jesus Christ, come on guys…

Until that time, I’ll have my fast forward button at the ready.