Friday’s Featured Blogger – Mark Sackler of The Millennium Conjectures
Subject: Mark Sackler of The Millennium Conjectures; A Blog of the Ridiculous and Sublime
Location: A veterinary office in Connecticut
I arrive at my veterinarian’s home with my 9 pound dog in my purse. I normally wouldn’t show up at my vet’s house, but this is an emergency.
A woman comes to the door. “May I help you?”
I tug my dog out of my purse and thrust her into the vets arms. “She ate all my birth control pills.”
Dr. Sackler takes Sophia. “I’ll take a look, but I doubt she’ll have any serious problems.”
“Actually, I was just hoping to get a new birth control prescription?”
The doctor rolls her eyes. “I can’t do that…but I will happily spay you.”
“I’ll pass.” I push my way into the house. “Can I wait in here?”
“Sure, just don’t touch anything.” I take a seat on the couch as I wait for the doctor to look at Sophia. Then, I hear muttering. I look around and notice a door, slightly open. The doctor said not to touch anything, but she didn’t say I couldn’t wander.
I stand and open the door. A man is hunched over a desk working on something as he mutters to himself. I can’t help but notice that it’s glowing.
I step into the room. “What are you making?”
He doesn’t look up. “Cold fusion.”
“Why?”
“Because I can.” He continues to work as though I’m not there.
I start to look around the room. It’s filled with stuff, from floor to ceiling. Baseballs, photographs, beakers and telescopes. I’ve never seen a more eclectic collection. I reach out a hand to touch a small wooden mask.
“Don’t touch anything!”
“Sorry.” I turn to look at him again.
“It’s ok. It’s just the room is packed to capacity. If you knock anything over, there is a good chance my head will explode.”
I raise an eyebrow. This is an opportunity too good to pass up. “Can I interview you?”
He sighs. “Fine, as long as you can manage not to touch anything.”
I sit in the chair across from him and pull out my tape recorder.
***
Tell us about your site, The Millennium Conjectures.
I subtitled it “A Blog of the Ridiculous and Sublime.” I got this idea in part because I share the same birthday with Gandhi and Groucho Marx—about as ridiculous and sublime a pair as you could possibly think of. I figured my content would be a mix of both—some serious ponderings on my views of science and the universe, and silly satire. But as I consider myself and absurdist after Camus, it quickly deteriorated to almost all ridiculous.
How did you get started in writing? Where do you get the inspiration for your ideas?
I have written for business—PR, advertising, marketing—for nearly 40 years. I finally decided to write for myself when I started this blog last May. I realized that I was probably never going to have the discipline to write a book despite having many ideas over the years—ADHD you know. The short nature of my posts should make that last point evident. How do I get ideas? They float around in the air and once in a while one of them alights on my noggin.
Same question, insert photography.
I first became interested in photography in my 20’s when I realized I had a great sense of visual composition but couldn’t draw to save my life. However, I have never bothered to learn enough of the technical stuff to ever become more than an occasional dilatant. (See ADHD comment above)
Do you hate Ansel Adams calendars as much as I do?
I hate anyone who is that much better than me at anything.
Fuck, marry or kill. Your choice of any of the four Golden Girls. You must use at least three.
Kill Betty White. The other three are already dead and I’m not into necrophilia.
If your thoughts could kill any celebrity, who would it be and why? Feel free to do a mass slaying.
See my blog posts on inane celebrity memes. Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Charlie Sheen. But then again, if I killed those celebrities, I’d be depriving myself of great satirical source material, so let’s go to plan B. I’m a Yankee fan, so:A-ROD, and as painfully as possible.
Where’s the weirdest place you’ve traveled?
It’s a tossup between Sioux City, Iowa (hey, the airport code is SUX) and Wuxi, China. At the latter location, we visited a 300 foot tall Buddha. I asked my host what dynasty it was from. Wrong question. It dated to the second Clinton administration, C. 1997. They built it to be a modern tourist attraction. I guess the labor was cheap.
What’s the most offensive thing you’ve done in a foreign country?
On the aforementioned China trip I refused to eat just about every bizarre looking delicacy that my gracious hosts ordered for us. I went with the attitude that my culinary philosophy would be “don’t ask; don’t tell.” Within the first 48 hours it became, “don’t look; don’t eat.” They eat all the parts we westerners throw away. Really.
How do you feel about string theory?
I certainly prefer it to string cheese. Although as theories go, I am more into M-Theory, if only because I share my first initial with it. Maybe I’ll write a future conjecture on this.
The quote you want on your tombstone. Keep in mind you will be in a cemetery with very little censorship and there is no word count limit.
X [I’m a minimalist].
