Wow, That’s A lot of Penises
Every spring, I have a tradition. I reopen my Plenty of Fish account. I know my own personal spring festival is in full swing as soon as my inbox fills up with penises. It usually takes about 15 minutes.
One thing I love to do on the site is go to the forums and listen to all the dudes bitch about how girls never message them back. They love to talk about how they’re ‘a nice average guy’ but girls won’t talk to them because they all have ridiculous standards.
Eyeroll.
You’re right men. We all have impossible standards of wanting a decent looking guy, who is non-psychotic and has a checking account. What a bunch of snobby bitches we are!
Personally, I’m the kind of person who believes that you should have your shit relatively in order before you invite someone else into your life. Am I saying that you need to be a millionaire with a Mercedes? Nope. But you should have viable employment and not be living in your mom’s basement.
Simply stated, if your life is a train wreck, stop expecting chicks to want to jump on board. If I was on welfare, with six kids, living in subsidized housing, would you be so quick to message me? I didn’t think so. Stop contacting supermodels when you’re far from one yourself and getting pissed off that no one responds. I said it before and I’ll say it again; you are not going to be successful if you try to hook up with someone much more attractive than you. Stick to 1 to 2 levels above your own attractiveness.
As for the idiots that complain that they always have to make the first move, how do I put this politely? Welcome to the shit end of the stick. For centuries, women have been taught that approaching a man first is forward. By being the hunter in the relationship, a woman was taught she’d come off as masculine or even worse, easy. For a woman, being easy is just about the worst thing in the world. Easy women are dirty sluts. Easy men are fucking studs. Until I can fuck as many people as I want and be viewed as the pimp that I am, instead of a slut, you’re going to need to get over your fear of saying ‘hi’ first.
Also, as soon as you indicate that you’re afraid of making the first move; my vagina actually seals itself shut. It’s such a fucking pussy thing to be afraid of. You want to be treated like a man, act like one and not a 14 year old boy. I don’t fuck 14 year old boys. I’m a pretty blonde in my 30’s. Statistics indicate that the only way that I would be interested in 14 year old boys is if I was teaching one of their high school classes. So until I’m quoting you Chaucer as I slip my hand in your school uniform pocket, I’m going to need you all to man up.
Am I saying the girls are angels? No, but we do seem to take it a bit more seriously. We pick out good pictures. We think about what we’re writing in our profiles (mine is a two paragraph request to not be serial killed). We don’t put up an anonymous picture-less account, with the user name AssFister69, and one line of text that says ‘I hate filling these things out. If you want to know anything, message me.”
No joke, that profile exists way more than it should.
It’s a matter of statistics. The fact is, men outnumber women when it comes to online dating. They can’t put as little effort forward as they do in real life and get away with it. There is a reason that doesn’t work. Instead of bitching in the forums, most of these guys would be better served working on their profiles or closing their account until they become a person that a woman would want to be with.
