Attendance is just 90% showing up

I see things as they aren’t…so this testicle that ate Europe is irritating, I’m going back to see my buds at the hospital on Monday and I fully expect to have it ‘aspirated’ i.e. get a needle…

I’ve also discovered the angle of the ‘Nutri-bullet’  a stupid TV thing that is going to make me positively  Darfurian in a few months.

Yesterday I was finishing off the sundae swirl of a gym workout with a little elevated treadmill action…. when out of the blue, a slamming hot Chick in boy shorts that were two sizes too right, went on the machine next to me. This putting a slight crimp in my shorts, so I couldn’t lecherously leer at her with any proper perversion…This was quite disconcerting to have a level of hotness that is so completely stupid next to me, and not being able to make a lewd inappropriate remark and make a clean get away…. let alone the prospect of picking up where we left off  tomorrow

So imagine my joy at the realization of the revenge of the psyllium warning label…sure I can man up with the bloating, but the flatulence was singularly stunning- it was pure standing ‘O’ …into another room…which in my studio apartment meant the bathroom or hallway…I mean it was toxshockingly bad…so it was evasive action time..

At first, I figured the years of not looking at ‘buns of steel’ videos would probably not have any bearing on this situation … but something was knocking at heavens door and I seriously didn’t know what the environmental impact assessment would be and you only have one chance to make an impression that you have irritable Bowel Syndrome or some reasonable facsimile….

So not having the patience or nerves of steel to beg it off…I looked at her with my eyes bugged and jaw jutted out, and then suddenly hopped off the treadmill as it was smoking and spitting from red line overheating on the highest setting…and then I fled the scene without changing… out into the minus 3 fahrenheit balmy weather

But who cares, as she has a dorky boyfriend