Birthing the I AM: Contractions

Last week I was very honored to witness and hold the space with a Beloved Facebook friend in a full blown contraction as she expressed her anguish, outrage and feelings of abandonment as she endured the Crucifixion of the Ego.  She was not unique.  The same day, another dear friend also was having a rough time.  Both women had been been in the fire for many months and were expressing acute exhaustion, ego desperately playing its final hands. 

As ego burns in the fire of purification with the permanent expansion of Awareness, the suffering can be intense when identified with.  Yet the goal is not to make ego disappear, but rather to dis-identify with it as the author of content, to see it in its right place - as a tool for perception so that the I AM presence, through "personal" experience, can know that it exists.  Without relationship, nothing can exist!

I warn you this conversation is heartfelt and raw, edited only slightly for spelling and relevant content.  I asked my friend if she would be willing to share her heart with all of you who are also experiencing the complete opposite of what you ever expected your life to be on the path of bliss.  She agreed and I am humbled.  Thank you, Beloved, for your courage!

Giving birth to Life Itself, to Love Itself, is the "task" of Humanity as metaphorically illustrated in the "labor of love" of a Father and Mother giving birth to a child.  It is Creation Making Love and you ARE that Love.  Oh, what a beautiful thing!  Even ego, when seen for its purposeful role!

December 27, 2011:

Friend:  I FUCKING HATE THIS ;)))

Christine: You hate what is appearing in the story?

Friend:  I still can't do mental gymnastics with you, so I'll say - how this letting go feels.

Christine:  Let's speak from the heart. No mental gymnastics required.

I understand.

Letting go of everything has been forced upon me for I never would have chosen it, to say the least. Learning that my humanitarian work was not my happiness, my clothes are not my happiness, a boyfriend is not my happiness, a home is not my happiness, my children are not even my happiness, my looks are not my happiness. None of these things are my happiness. Being stripped of everything, one thing at a time. I wouldn't have wished it on my worst enemy.

This is my "story" and yet it I feel it in my bones, it is nothing to do with who I AM. Lisa Cairns still has bits rising in the story. She is basically homeless and then her boss won't have the money to pay her. Yet, it doesn't affect her happiness and she now lives from a place of "knowing". I'm feeling this rise in me, too. Instead of panic of not knowing what is coming next - during the spaces between the "action", I just allow it and then when the "action" comes, I know I am to act... rather than flailing around in panic the whole time. Do you understand? Are you feeling this a bit? This is when your karma becomes dharma as you are living AS LIFE, rather than living a personal life and its roller coaster.

I love you. Thank you for sharing how you are feeling with me. I KNOW how you feel. All arises in your life to be looked at and loved. This, too, shall pass.

Friend:  Better Morning

Thank you.

I'm not meaning to be difficult and mean no disrespect when I speak of ...

I am where I am, no doubt about that. Haven't felt like this in a rather long time. I can't even describe it because the thoughts unravel even as I attempt it. I am clear that it's a story pointing me both here and to what caused it, and it's not even a particularly interesting story. As absolutely and utterly willing as I am...I wish it would let the fuck go already!!!

That, and because we ARE able to create with our thoughts, how can that not be part of who we are, part of the whole, part of the Infinite? Why does it appear and work so well (when it does) and feel so good if it isn't part of who we are in this moment and meant to be used and experienced? Isn't it, or why isn't it presence AND expansion of consciousness? It all makes sense: presence, Abraham, Bashar, M.E., so why is it illusion? I can't even find the right/best fucking question to ask to cut through the bullshit.

If we are peace and meant to be peace and we are willing to know and be peace, then why isn't it any easier than this? What is it that won't let go? What if ALL of this is simply stories we are telling and it IS easy to be peace and have money and stuff? What if we are awake telling stories about waking up instead of just BEING fucking awake?

Christine: Ha! I've asked every single one of those questions! And guess who is asking? Yep, ego!

Bashar, Abe Hicks... serving mostly ego. They were wonderful openers of consciousness that you are more than your body. But many are now moving beyond these thought groups as you see how well it's working out for most people manifesting the life they desire - not.  I won't bore you with lengthy stories on my thoughts on the whole subject. It's nothing but stories - ALL of it.

Why must I go through Crucifixion of the Ego to find Peace? This is really the question you are asking and the question answers itself. Buddha went through it, Jesus went through it, Maharshi...

At some point in your life, you said "yes, God, I'm all in". Do you remember that point? I do. And I even foolishly said, "bring it on!"

Friend:  I've been "all in" for about 16 yrs, I guess, and took a "detour" through "creating" and now find myself here.  Again. I am both: not miserable and miserable. I "get it." I "want it." I have nothing BUT stories left to give up and I want to give them up. I'm not interested in doing THIS, anymore. I'm just not. I don't care to live, if you can call it living, like THIS anymore, even if THAT is a story. Oh, there's more, but who cares? I'm so over all of this nonsense. And I really hate the word, notion, concept of ego. Are we not ALL SOURCE? Why would Source create such a thing to have to be overcome/recognized/realized??? No matter how you slice that one, that will never come out smelling loving or benevolent or blissful.

Listening to Lisa's talk now...

Christine:  Yes, my Love. I arrived "there", too. And it is such a wonderful place to be. You truly are ready to let go of the stories - ALL of them. You had to arrive at this point, do you see that now?

Now, you truly begin to LIVE.

Now, the Phoenix (I AM) rises from the ashes. And it will - even if you feel you are death itself. Let this metaphoric death hang upon you like a heavy cloth as long as you need to.

Allow Grace pour over you, ask for it if you can muster up the strength and even if you cannot, it pours over you, dissolving away the heavy cloth, the stories, the beliefs...

I am with you. You are not alone in this. You've never been alone.

Friend:  And why are there all of these "things," this "stuff," if not for us to have and enjoy during this imprisonment in physicality? Why do some get it and others not? Why dangle carrots before horses? Is having to go through this torture, self-created or not, not having any of physicality's pleasures what LIFE is all about? If so, Source can have it ALL back and cancel my fucking ticket for THAT ride.

Seems I'm experiencing a bit of anger at/about all of this...I have never felt MORE alone in my life. I appreciate the opportunity to get this out and let it go. Thank you.

Christine:  Oh, be good and angry! Let it rip!

Who is alone? Who is dangling carrots? Who is imprisoning you?

Not God. Ego!

I hope you don't mind me mentioning Jesus again for I was raised a Christian and am most familiar with him.

Remember the 40 days wandering the desert after he was baptized, being tempted by the devil? The devil is ego. Ego dangled all kinds of carrots in front of him, saying he could use his power for himself, have all kinds of material wealth. Ego will even try to tell you, you are all alone and if you give up identification, you will always be alone and then forgotten.

Yet, it is ego that is truly alone, separate from all things.

You are going through the trial, the temptation. This is when ego tries to finish you off, even offering you the sweetness of relief through physical death.

Once you recognize this and it settles into your awareness, a smile will spread across your lips. I told Jesus, I've got him beat, wandering out in the desert for longer than 40 days! I still find myself back in the desert sometimes.

Lisa's desert was the woods for three years. It takes as long as it takes until every temptation has come before you and you see it for what it is and it neither pulls you in nor repels you - neutrality - no power over you.

Adyashanti said that the way out of where you think you are stuck is through the bottom of it. By diving into it, giving way to it, allow it to BE. This, too, shall pass.

I honor, love and appreciate you, beautiful friend!

Friend:  I fell back to sleep. I've hardly been out of bed in a long while. At least in sleep there is peace. A shower sounds like a good idea, as does going out into the Sun as long as it's shining, as does finding a way to make some money so I can leave this place. Seriously! Why can't this shit happen in a fuckin' 5 star hotel or a mansion or even a nice RV, for fuck's sake??? Now I'm just sayin' it to say it, not even out of anger anymore. I'm tired and bored of it all. It's exhausting. I might take whoever up on the death offer. Sounds like a winner.

Yeah, when anyone starts in with the "Who is" crap, that's the nonsense I call mental gymnastics. That, and metaphors and stories to describe stories and poetry about how fuckin' sweet it is in non-identification...

Yes. I was raised a Methodist. Don't relate or think about it much anymore. This whole thing doesn't seem like love or a gift. It seems cruel and painful and pointless and I feel whiney about it all right now. Less so after sleep, but whiney all the same.

Perhaps more chatting later. I am actually feeling a bit of relief and that a shower is actually the thing to do. It would be nice if there was some water pressure or a nice soaking tub, but water is always very soothing, so I best hit it while the Inspiration is here.

Yes. They say we teach what we have to learn. I'm glad you are finding it helpful. I have always found it helpful when I was sharing with someone. Now, I have no idea WHAT I would share, so I took down all of those posts. None of this that I've shared sounds too awakened or enlightened, does it? And yet, I am one of THE MOST awakened and enlightened people I know and I don't say that out of arrogance. It just feels like you know where you are at the stages of "the game," is all.

I do appreciate you being willing to lend an "ear" when everyone else runs out of vibrational range in judgment that I am wrongly focused and need to pick it back up again so that I can feel better and get all of the stuff that's in my vortex. Oh God, does THAT sound stupid at this moment as I write it... :O))) There. That's my first non-emoticon. Something is shifting. Back in a bit. I appreciate your sticking with me. I actually deactivated my pages the other day, for about a day, but alone, here, was a non-starter. I have no "stream" cause everyone is posting all of the happy, cheery crap, so I took 'em all out ;))) Ok...rambling now. Back in a bit. I'm going to take the devily ego up on it's offer of a few mindless distracty internet tv programs...I realize probably not today, but holler if I can ever help you, too, K?

Christine:  You aren't feeling grounded right now. Yep, it's all about letting go and you are scared shitless there will be nothing left when you let go of it ALL.

The non-identification stuff isn't what I meant with the "who is dangling carrots". I was referring to God or ego. Yes, the non-identification is pretty meaningless in the throws of suffering. When everything is fine, it starts to click in and make sense.

Got any woods or even sidewalk you could go walking in nearby? Walking clears the mind like crazy! Hang in there, friend. Just when you think you can't take anymore, the Universe will at least give you a couple of hours break from it.

xoxo

Friend:  Clear(ER) sky today as you can see from my posts. Good for now. Much occurred after we spoke. Thank you. I AM happy to return the favor.  After our conversations, Xxxx contacted me and said, "WTF???" So, I stepped into my fancy red sparkled Christine shoes, waved my verbally wand, clicked my heels and had her hunker down and click hers, too. Seems to be goin' 'round...

Christine:  Thank you. The beauty is we are not contracted at the same time so we can help each other through each contraction. After the worst of it, the contractions do start to spread out.  Sounds like you are bottoming out!

transfiguration

It is when we unconditionally love all that is in the present moment, despite apparent circumstances, that Love transmutes "what is" into its most beautiful expression.  When you said you were "all in", it was because you were ready to go home - to BE home.  Come home to yourself - Heaven on Earth.  You are already here!

I love you.

~ Namaste