Rhythm...or Finding a Good Fit

My husband and I are a good fit. It’s taken a few years, and a lot of readjustment. I used to think love was romance, sex, and dates. But being married changed all that, no pun intended. Lasting love has rhythm. It’s being in sync with another being so well that you start to know them as well as you know yourself.

When you first come together, you might feel like pieces of a puzzle, because you seem to fit so well. But most of the time the reason you fit so well then is because you are just dating. You only need to fit together for a few hours at a time, so if it’s a tight fit, or a bad fit, it’s not so noticeable. It's a whole different puzzle if you're married. Then the other person never goes away, at least not for very long. You find out real fast if your pieces don't fit well together. Admittedly, there are always a few sharp corners that end up poking the other person. But if you try hard and long enough, you find a life rhythm with your spouse that gives your life an ease of movement that it never had before. You each have talents, faults, and ornery periods. You learn with trial and error what is best to say and do when your partner needs help, and what thoughts to keep to yourself when you are mad. Those hard sharp edges can and do start to wear off with a lot of time and effort. In places where the fit is too loose, you add experiences and shared emotions to fill in the spaces. Before you know it, you're a good fit together.

Being a good fit helps you to take the bumps of the world in stride, without falling into pieces. You don't let go of each other when you fall, and having someone holding on to you tends to soften life’s hard blows. You have something to cling to that is bigger than yourself. Not being alone, but an integral piece of a bigger whole, makes a difference in how you view the world, and the way you adapt to and handle the problems of life.

Still, there may come a time when the rhythm falters, and the good fit a couple has isn't so good anymore. Maybe we're no longer holding as tightly to each other as we should. Maybe one of us is holding too tightly. Maybe some of the edges we've built erode with time, or a sharp edge emerges when we look to connect in a slightly different way. Any or all of these happen to most couples sooner or later. But it doesn't have to lead to breakup . Keep listening, even when you're tired. Keep loving, even when you feel grumpy. And keep trying, because sometimes it’s the smallest bit you give of yourself that makes the difference between being with the one you love, and being alone.