Lance Armstrong Admits To Using Performance Enhancing Drugs, I Admit To Using Performance Destroying Foods

In a rare coincidence, Lance Armstrong and JT Kalnay both gave heart-wrenching interviews to Oprah Winfrey today.  LA admitted to using performance enhancing drugs to win his 7 Tour de France titles.  JTK admitted to using performing destroying foods to lose his fitness, physique, and pride.  Armstrong had long been reputed to have lead the most sophisticated doping program in all of professional sports.  Kalnay had long been reputed to have lead the most sophisticated Pop-Tart, Hagen-Daz, and Klondike bar consumption program in all of obesity.  Winfrey at times appeared to have difficulty idenitying with Armstrong’s acts, but had no difficulty identifying with Kalnay’s.  In one particularly touching moment during the interview, Winfrey could be seen comforting Kalnay with a precious leftover twinkie.  Both Armstrong and Kalnay have promised to mend their ways.  And while observers believe Armstrong wil likely be able to avoid EPO, Testosterone, HGH, insulin, amphetamines, and other performance enhancing drugs that are pervasive in racing culture, due in part to the heightened scrutiny under which all cyclists now find themselves, those same observers say that it is unlikely that Kalnay will be able to completely avoid the sugar, high-fructose corn syrup, and other performance destroying foods that are even more pervasive in American Culture.  Both interviews are scheduled to air Thursday on OWN.  I wonder what tomorrow’s WOD will be….