Chainsaw Massacre 3D

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This deep into a franchise—really, I’ve lost count of the Texas Chainsaw Massacres—most horror series are  limping along, putting a movie out just to keep the brand in-house, that kind of stuff. Not here. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D is every single thing I want from a horror movie. And the story actually surprises me. Worse, I almost missed the whole thing. Because I accidentally read a review or two, and it’s so easy to pan the sequel to a remake, or however this one’s stacked. Really, I’d guess a lot of the bad reviews were pretty much written before the reviewer even saw the movie. The movie just confirmed what the reviewer thought going in. And, I understand the impulse: hating the new version is a way of showing allegiance to the old version. It’s a way of resisting the studios grubbing for remake dollars. And it’s low-hanging fruit: no, this Leatherface isn’t quite as scary as Gunnar Hansen’s. Yes, the grittiness of the original is gone, never to be done again. And no, we shouldn’t ever compromise, but TCM3D isn’t remotely a compromise. TCM3D knows exactly what it needs to do, knows that the audience is expecting certain things—a van of kids, a hitchhiker, ‘Texas,’ those red shorts, somebody getting hung on a meat hook; Leatherface—and so it rigs the story such that all of that starts unfolding as quickly as possible. No, as efficiently as possible. And in a completely fun way, and out at an All the Boys Love Mandy Lane kind  . . . → → →