2012: The Year I Got Everything

A month or two ago my horoscope included a rather strange comment. "Very soon," it said. "You will need to set new goals for yourself because you will have accomplished everything you wanted to."

"Not hardly!" I thought. But then a few weeks later I realized it was kind of true. Sure I'm not ridiculously rich or famous ... but did I ever really want to be either of those things? I had reached the level of income where money-to-happiness ratio peaks, more money would be nice in a rose colored glasses fantasy world, but in the words of the immortal BIG: Mo' money, mo' problems.

I have reached a level of "fame" professionally that gives me a sense of security. Enough people know me and admire my work for me to find a new situation if (God forbid) my current job disappears.

I have also, in my mind, reached that "just right" level with writing fame. I'm no big shot, but then I've never wanted to be either. I had the privilege of being a big-fucking-deal in microcosm ages ago. I hate it. It was isolating, the mindless praise of fangirls made me more insecure instead of less, my prone-to-hyperbole-and-snark style made me a target of constant criticism, under the pressure I behaved like a miserable brat because I was miserable. I hated being the big shot. I have no desire to do it again.

Right now my status is perfect: I have a core group of fans who are extremely supportive yet also opinionated. They have no problems telling me when they don't like what I've put out ... and while sometimes that does hurt it makes their praise all the more enjoyable. I don't actually want any more fame (although I probably won't have a choice in this either way ... thrown a snowball down the mountain here ^_^;;;)

As the new year approaches I've been thinking about accomplishment. We define success based on the maximum level achievable. We expect people to aim for the top. People aren't supposed to set goals for the midlist, even if the midlist is what would make most of us the happiest.

When I read that horoscope it was already true-- I already had achieved everything I wanted to-- but it took time to see it because I was too busy looking ahead instead of stopping and checking out where I was now. We tend to visualize advancement as a mountain ... but what if what's at the top is not what we assume? We think we're going one step further by being just a little more successful, making just a little more money ... but maybe we're just gradually taking steps down, further away from the things we wanted to achieve in the first place.

Food for thought. Happy New Year everyone :D