Pointless New Year’s Resolutions I Could Make
It’s probably a bit early to think about New Year’s resolutions, but I’ve been thinking about some pointless ones I could make. I have a problem with New Year’s resolutions in general, but especially with doing them timely. If I wait, I’ll end up waiting until halfway through the year or later. However, if I make real ones then someone might actually expect me to keep them.
The whole idea of New Year’s resolutions seems kind of weird anyway. Years are just arbitrary structures we’ve decided to use to mark time. There is nothing special about them and no reason to have resolutions going into a new one. Still, people seem to have fun with this and sometimes I toss around a few.
However, real ones are dangerous. If you tell people, then someone might care enough to harp that you aren’t following them. That won’t do.
As such, I’m considering making ones no one will care about. That way I could make them, but no one would follow-up. Here are a few samples:
- Learn to unicycle. This one seems pretty safe. I know very few people who would care about this. Even better, the few people I know who would care would probably be enthused that they were still better at it than me. Thus, little enforcement.
- Become fluent in Esperanto. To my knowledge, absolutely no one I know understands a lick of this language. I’m not even sure it is a full language. Really, no one I know would have any ability to judge how I am coming with this. I could fake it the whole year.
- Win the powerball. This is a total win situation. Most likely, everyone would give me credit for continuing to try. If by some miraculous accident I actually kept this one, I wouldn’t cry about it.
- Become a better person. This one is gold, totally subjective. If anyone challenged me on it then I could just challenge their definitions. I could decide that better meant better at being stubborn, in which case refusing to work on it would totally be working toward it. There’s almost no way to lose.
- Convert oxygen to CO2. Pretty sure I’ll be doing this in the new year, if all goes well. Might as well make it a resolution and get double credit.
Mind you, those are just a few ideas. Also keep in mind, I am not committing to these. Don’t try to hold me to them because I’ll just say I never actually made them as resolutions. You’ll have no proof.
