Fuck Me … I Guess I Can Cope!
What is this?
A new Blog?
But we thought that your fat ass had died and been left for the coyotes!
Nope Boils and Ghouls, I have just been really busy. Old Josh has published a novel, a novella, and a short story since my last Blog Post. I have been neglectful but productive. I have also been working on a really big project for Fat Goblin Games that I cannot talk about yet but that I am really excited about.
But I am not writing this to talk about the work I have been doing, I am writing about how I have been coping from the major changes that I made in my life at the beginning of the summer. As you may remember in early May my doctor put me on a regime of antidepressants and mood stabilizers she also told me that I if I was not going to see a therapist I should start journaling and allow people to read what I write. What resulted was over sixty thousand words and the complete alienation and in some cases out right hatred of a sizeable segment of my family. I have been shunned, I have been verbally assaulted, and I have been threatened with lawsuits by people that do not know their asshole from a hole in the ground. But then the most important person in my life (who is not my wife or one of my children) told me that they were proud of me.
Fuck everyone else if they can’t handle it.
Except for a few tugs of sadness I have been handling it and feeling a 100 times better about myself. In the last few weeks there have been trials, the ceiling in my kitchen collapsed due to leaks and we were without a toilet for three days, my car broke down in Michigan and I will not be able to fix it till tax returns at this point, my cell phone is turned off, and we have little money for Christmas and no presents bought.
I am not freaking out.
I am not happy about any of this but I a handling it. I am seeing the perspective and recognizing the good things in my life. The ceiling and toilet are fixed, my car is at my Brother Bill’s house, my wife and kids still have phone service, and we do have some money for Christmas. I have in no way lost my Christmas spirit and am looking forward to our annual get together with my kids and baby brother.
That’s right, Josh has learned to fucking cope.
But … there is one thing.
Christmas was always me and my dad’s holiday. As a teenager my favorite thing was going out on Christmas Eve Morning and shopping with my dad. Dad always had the Christmas spirit there was always Christmas music and a lot of fucking cheer in the house despite the presence of the Step Monster. Dad knew how to do Christmas and understood that stopping to enjoy the lights before we opened the presents was important.
I have not talked to Dad since the unpleasantness began. I am not sure why he is mad or what he is mad about, oh I have my suspicions but when the only person that has spoken to me is my angry mom I tend to reserve speculation. I called him on Father’s Day and he dodged my call, he sent me a birthday card but did not call. I have just mailed him a card today for Christmas but I won’t be calling him on Christmas Day. I have no desire to have a fight on Christmas Day when I am with MY kids.
I have no idea how long this will continue, like I said I have an idea what it’s about and if I am right it may be years. But I truly do miss my dad.
But I am coping and I will never apologize just to make things easier and grease the squeaky wheels.
A new Blog?
But we thought that your fat ass had died and been left for the coyotes!
Nope Boils and Ghouls, I have just been really busy. Old Josh has published a novel, a novella, and a short story since my last Blog Post. I have been neglectful but productive. I have also been working on a really big project for Fat Goblin Games that I cannot talk about yet but that I am really excited about.
But I am not writing this to talk about the work I have been doing, I am writing about how I have been coping from the major changes that I made in my life at the beginning of the summer. As you may remember in early May my doctor put me on a regime of antidepressants and mood stabilizers she also told me that I if I was not going to see a therapist I should start journaling and allow people to read what I write. What resulted was over sixty thousand words and the complete alienation and in some cases out right hatred of a sizeable segment of my family. I have been shunned, I have been verbally assaulted, and I have been threatened with lawsuits by people that do not know their asshole from a hole in the ground. But then the most important person in my life (who is not my wife or one of my children) told me that they were proud of me.
Fuck everyone else if they can’t handle it.
Except for a few tugs of sadness I have been handling it and feeling a 100 times better about myself. In the last few weeks there have been trials, the ceiling in my kitchen collapsed due to leaks and we were without a toilet for three days, my car broke down in Michigan and I will not be able to fix it till tax returns at this point, my cell phone is turned off, and we have little money for Christmas and no presents bought.
I am not freaking out.
I am not happy about any of this but I a handling it. I am seeing the perspective and recognizing the good things in my life. The ceiling and toilet are fixed, my car is at my Brother Bill’s house, my wife and kids still have phone service, and we do have some money for Christmas. I have in no way lost my Christmas spirit and am looking forward to our annual get together with my kids and baby brother.
That’s right, Josh has learned to fucking cope.
But … there is one thing.
Christmas was always me and my dad’s holiday. As a teenager my favorite thing was going out on Christmas Eve Morning and shopping with my dad. Dad always had the Christmas spirit there was always Christmas music and a lot of fucking cheer in the house despite the presence of the Step Monster. Dad knew how to do Christmas and understood that stopping to enjoy the lights before we opened the presents was important.
I have not talked to Dad since the unpleasantness began. I am not sure why he is mad or what he is mad about, oh I have my suspicions but when the only person that has spoken to me is my angry mom I tend to reserve speculation. I called him on Father’s Day and he dodged my call, he sent me a birthday card but did not call. I have just mailed him a card today for Christmas but I won’t be calling him on Christmas Day. I have no desire to have a fight on Christmas Day when I am with MY kids.
I have no idea how long this will continue, like I said I have an idea what it’s about and if I am right it may be years. But I truly do miss my dad.
But I am coping and I will never apologize just to make things easier and grease the squeaky wheels.
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