Josh Hilden's Blog
September 20, 2025
This Is Me Now!
Essay 21 (2025)
This Is Me Now!
It has come to my attention that despite following/friending me on social media for years, some people are shocked or disturbed by my views and beliefs. So, for the first time in years, here we go. Sadly (sort of?), a lot of these people have abandoned me. You know that this has crushed my heart. Or has it? Good riddance to MAGAt rubbish.
- Taxes should be at the pre-1980 rates. Hell, I'd be happy as a pig in shit if they were at the Eisenhower levels.
- Pass a version of the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) guaranteeing equal rights for all people in America. No matter the sex, gender, religion, race, sexuality, or citizenship.
- As long as the fetus hasn't reached viability, I am pro-choice. Period.
- All people are entitled to a living wage that is adjusted regularly upwards.
- Universal Healthcare (Medical/Optical/Dental/Psychiatric care) is a human right.
- Clean water and air are a human right.
- We must end the use of fossil fuels and turn to green energy.
- Voting must be made as easy and universal as possible.
- ALL MONEY (Donations/Gifts/Stock Trading/Lobbyists) must be removed from the government.
- I believe in an absolute freedom of speech.
- I believe in the right to bear arms. I also believe there has to be mandatory licensing, training, and insurance.
- No retired person should pay taxes on retirement income, including Social Security.
- Nobody on disability should have to pay taxes.
- The environment must be protected and encouraged to flourish.
- We must do everything we can to abrogate climate change.
- There must be a Federal mandate of at least six months of paid maternity/paternity leave for all parents.
- Any undocumented person entering this country has the right to an asylum hearing. Or a hearing for other dispensations. No camps, no roundups, and no warrantless activities by masked, unidentified ICE Agents.
- Housing, food, and water are a human right.
I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of them at the moment. I suppose these will stand for all of the others.
- Josh (09-20-2025)
This Is Me Now!
It has come to my attention that despite following/friending me on social media for years, some people are shocked or disturbed by my views and beliefs. So, for the first time in years, here we go. Sadly (sort of?), a lot of these people have abandoned me. You know that this has crushed my heart. Or has it? Good riddance to MAGAt rubbish.
- Taxes should be at the pre-1980 rates. Hell, I'd be happy as a pig in shit if they were at the Eisenhower levels.
- Pass a version of the ERA (Equal Rights Amendment) guaranteeing equal rights for all people in America. No matter the sex, gender, religion, race, sexuality, or citizenship.
- As long as the fetus hasn't reached viability, I am pro-choice. Period.
- All people are entitled to a living wage that is adjusted regularly upwards.
- Universal Healthcare (Medical/Optical/Dental/Psychiatric care) is a human right.
- Clean water and air are a human right.
- We must end the use of fossil fuels and turn to green energy.
- Voting must be made as easy and universal as possible.
- ALL MONEY (Donations/Gifts/Stock Trading/Lobbyists) must be removed from the government.
- I believe in an absolute freedom of speech.
- I believe in the right to bear arms. I also believe there has to be mandatory licensing, training, and insurance.
- No retired person should pay taxes on retirement income, including Social Security.
- Nobody on disability should have to pay taxes.
- The environment must be protected and encouraged to flourish.
- We must do everything we can to abrogate climate change.
- There must be a Federal mandate of at least six months of paid maternity/paternity leave for all parents.
- Any undocumented person entering this country has the right to an asylum hearing. Or a hearing for other dispensations. No camps, no roundups, and no warrantless activities by masked, unidentified ICE Agents.
- Housing, food, and water are a human right.
I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of them at the moment. I suppose these will stand for all of the others.
- Josh (09-20-2025)
July 18, 2025
A Republic...
"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
-The American Pledge Of Allegiance (1924 – 1954)
.
“A republic… If you can keep it”
- Benjamin Franklin
.
Future history books in other countries may well mark July 3 and 4, 2025, as the days democracy died in the United States of America. These are days that the world will never forget.
I wish I could say I was being overly dramatic, but the evets since July 4, when the bill was signed, have done absolutely nothing to even begin to assuage my fears. Between the complete subservience of the media, the rubber stamp on the Supreme Court, and the complete fecklessness of the Republican Party. Trump has a blank check to do whatever he wants.
Despite the chaos in the world today, we celebrated Independence Day a few weeks ago. We all knew it could be the last Independence Day that would mean anything for a long time, or maybe it would be the last ever.
All the kids and grandkids showed up, and we had a great time.
I wish I could say we didn’t talk about politics and that we just enjoy each other's company, but we did. We all agree that everything right now is screwed, but some of us are hoping for brighter days ahead.
I’ve been accused of being the most depressed optimist in the world. I would say that was on full display yesterday. So, here’s to the 249th birthday of the United States of America. I hope there’s a 250th.
What happened to all of those proud and loud Americans screaming, "The tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure" for the last fifty years? I would've thought, from their own words, they'd be on this like stink on shit.
I said it before, and I’ll say it again, this is bad. This is really bad. And I don’t know if we can ever come back from it. This might be the end of America. It’s definitely the end of our leadership across the world.
It took me a considerable amount of time to write this brief message.
It was painful to write.
It was scary to write.
But it had to be written.
- Josh (07-18-2025)
-The American Pledge Of Allegiance (1924 – 1954)
.
“A republic… If you can keep it”
- Benjamin Franklin
.
Future history books in other countries may well mark July 3 and 4, 2025, as the days democracy died in the United States of America. These are days that the world will never forget.
I wish I could say I was being overly dramatic, but the evets since July 4, when the bill was signed, have done absolutely nothing to even begin to assuage my fears. Between the complete subservience of the media, the rubber stamp on the Supreme Court, and the complete fecklessness of the Republican Party. Trump has a blank check to do whatever he wants.
Despite the chaos in the world today, we celebrated Independence Day a few weeks ago. We all knew it could be the last Independence Day that would mean anything for a long time, or maybe it would be the last ever.
All the kids and grandkids showed up, and we had a great time.
I wish I could say we didn’t talk about politics and that we just enjoy each other's company, but we did. We all agree that everything right now is screwed, but some of us are hoping for brighter days ahead.
I’ve been accused of being the most depressed optimist in the world. I would say that was on full display yesterday. So, here’s to the 249th birthday of the United States of America. I hope there’s a 250th.
What happened to all of those proud and loud Americans screaming, "The tree of Liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure" for the last fifty years? I would've thought, from their own words, they'd be on this like stink on shit.
I said it before, and I’ll say it again, this is bad. This is really bad. And I don’t know if we can ever come back from it. This might be the end of America. It’s definitely the end of our leadership across the world.
It took me a considerable amount of time to write this brief message.
It was painful to write.
It was scary to write.
But it had to be written.
- Josh (07-18-2025)
July 7, 2025
State Of Race In America
Unlike when I was young and racist people low-key attempted to keep their racist bend “In the family,’ today it has become almost chic to flaunt you’re hatred and/or disdain for non white and non-Christian residents and citizens of the United States.
Of course, that’s not where most Americans claim to stand on the issue of race.
Right?
Well, maybe not.
I do have my own perspective on the issue.
It might not be very different from yours.
I grew up in a family that was very racist and very Christian nationalist. Of course, there are exceptions to that generalization. My grandmother, my mother, and my father, to some degree, have been on the right side of the racial issue. So, I had some good influences, but people like my grandfather, a lot of my uncles, my aunts, and my cousins were blatantly just out there racists. Of course, they didn’t and don’t believe they are. They see themselves as fair people who have no problem with “The right kind of minority.”
In other words, the ones who know their place and stay there.
Almost the entire side of my mom’s family were Appalachian Hillbillies or straight from the Ozarks. Sadly, stereotypes often contain some or a lot of truth.
So, it’s safe to say I had some racist or at least ignorant tendencies in me when I was younger.
Tell the truth and shame the Devil.
In 5th grade, we finally reached the section in American history about the Civil War.
I believe they don’t delve into the war in-depth until high school these days.
It was eye-opening. I was always taught that it was about states' rights or the North trying to dominate the South. In fact, we were all low-key encouraged to take pride in our Confederate heritage.
At that time, I thought that a lot of the northern point of view was made-up bullshit. But I had this friend named Milton who was black, and he set me straight.
Yeah, I know every white (there I go generalizing again) who has had a “seen the light” moment claims to have had a black friend who helped them through it. But with me, it’s true,
I asked if all this was true. He told me about his many times great-grandfather, who’d been a slave in Virginia during the war and escaped to the North and the chaos of the war. He also told me everything he’d been told about how sla ves were treated in the South.
I was gobsmacked. I never realized just how bad things had been for black people in America before the war. When he explained to me the living conditions of slaves that he’d learned from his family, I was shocked. Knowing someone, and liking them a lot, who is descended from people who’d been owned by people who look like me, made me sick even when I was in 5th grade.
Milton and I lost touch due to my mom’s rabbit hopping all over southeast Michigan and eventually Dayton, Ohio. Even though I never saw him again, I will always be grateful to him for slapping some real-world knowledge on me.
In the years that followed, other events showed me how wrong I’d been. Two prominent examples are my paternal grandmother telling me about what the Detroit riots were really like and why they started. And a friend I had while working at McDonald’s, named Koran, explained to me the history of Malcolm X.
But it seems that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Or, get much worse.
In the last six months, the Donald Trump administration has seemingly done its best to shatter the American views on race. Between masked ICE agents (Gestapo) scooping people up off the street and sending them to be deported, about due process, Soldiers and Marines on the city streets of Los Angeles and Miami, and the actual establishment of a concentration camp in America, Things seem as dark as they’ve ever been. Nobody knows just how bad it’s going to get. People say there’ll never be another Holocaust, but this is the way things started in Germany. It’s almost as if they are using Hitler’s own textbook to proceed with their agenda.
Oh, wait, that’s called Project 2025.
The current situation and combined historical systemic general racism also impact my own immediate family. We are not a family of one race or religion. I want to think that we’re very open-minded. But I suppose we won’t know till we put it to the test.
Several years ago. My oldest son married a black woman He’d been living with for a decade, and I got to know her family very intimately. The idea that people I know and love are treated like this is horrifying. I know I should say that how black people are treated should have always been obvious and always at the forefront of my mind. But it wasn’t.
Not until I was once more schooled by a person who knew better than I.
My eternal thanks to my daughter-in-law. You smacked some wisdom into an old man who should’ve known better, but had lost his way.
I love you like you’re my own daughter.
Additionally, but no less critical to the family, my eldest daughter married a man from Jordan who is a progressive Muslim. My granddaughter is half Jordanian. He is a citizen, and his parents have green cards and are prepared to move here at the end of the year, but given the current situation, I’m unsure if they will even be allowed into the country. For that matter, with the Trump administration looking to strip naturalized citizens of their citizenship and deport them, I don’t know what’s going to happen with him.
I am terrified for my family.
If I were a praying man and not an atheist, I would be begging God to show us a sign.
On a side note.
Dealing with the reality that other non-white people, mainly black and brown Americans, are being treated like second or third-class citizens. Based on all of the available evidence, a significant portion of the general public is turning against the Republican Party.
But I fear not enough of them.
I wonder what’s going to happen? Who’s gonna break first? Will MAGA and the GOP continue to help Trump due to their personal point of view? Or will some of them finally abandon him? Will any of them realize that actual human beings are being hurt in this conflagration? Won’t any of them remember where an American is supposed to be, and remember that kindness is a virtue?
I wish I could say things are going to get better. But I think it’s going to get a lot worse because that’s what MAGA and the Trump regime want.
I feel powerless. There’s not much I can do other than speak out. I don’t have a lot of money. I’m. Partially disabled. And let’s face it, other people on the left don’t want to hear progressive rhetoric anymore.
They want action.
I fear the action is coming soon, and we’ll be changed forever. I hope it’s for the better.
What would I say to anybody who is going to visit the United States right now?
Welcome to the Occupied States of America. I'd go home if I were you.
- Josh (07-07-2025)
Of course, that’s not where most Americans claim to stand on the issue of race.
Right?
Well, maybe not.
I do have my own perspective on the issue.
It might not be very different from yours.
I grew up in a family that was very racist and very Christian nationalist. Of course, there are exceptions to that generalization. My grandmother, my mother, and my father, to some degree, have been on the right side of the racial issue. So, I had some good influences, but people like my grandfather, a lot of my uncles, my aunts, and my cousins were blatantly just out there racists. Of course, they didn’t and don’t believe they are. They see themselves as fair people who have no problem with “The right kind of minority.”
In other words, the ones who know their place and stay there.
Almost the entire side of my mom’s family were Appalachian Hillbillies or straight from the Ozarks. Sadly, stereotypes often contain some or a lot of truth.
So, it’s safe to say I had some racist or at least ignorant tendencies in me when I was younger.
Tell the truth and shame the Devil.
In 5th grade, we finally reached the section in American history about the Civil War.
I believe they don’t delve into the war in-depth until high school these days.
It was eye-opening. I was always taught that it was about states' rights or the North trying to dominate the South. In fact, we were all low-key encouraged to take pride in our Confederate heritage.
At that time, I thought that a lot of the northern point of view was made-up bullshit. But I had this friend named Milton who was black, and he set me straight.
Yeah, I know every white (there I go generalizing again) who has had a “seen the light” moment claims to have had a black friend who helped them through it. But with me, it’s true,
I asked if all this was true. He told me about his many times great-grandfather, who’d been a slave in Virginia during the war and escaped to the North and the chaos of the war. He also told me everything he’d been told about how sla ves were treated in the South.
I was gobsmacked. I never realized just how bad things had been for black people in America before the war. When he explained to me the living conditions of slaves that he’d learned from his family, I was shocked. Knowing someone, and liking them a lot, who is descended from people who’d been owned by people who look like me, made me sick even when I was in 5th grade.
Milton and I lost touch due to my mom’s rabbit hopping all over southeast Michigan and eventually Dayton, Ohio. Even though I never saw him again, I will always be grateful to him for slapping some real-world knowledge on me.
In the years that followed, other events showed me how wrong I’d been. Two prominent examples are my paternal grandmother telling me about what the Detroit riots were really like and why they started. And a friend I had while working at McDonald’s, named Koran, explained to me the history of Malcolm X.
But it seems that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Or, get much worse.
In the last six months, the Donald Trump administration has seemingly done its best to shatter the American views on race. Between masked ICE agents (Gestapo) scooping people up off the street and sending them to be deported, about due process, Soldiers and Marines on the city streets of Los Angeles and Miami, and the actual establishment of a concentration camp in America, Things seem as dark as they’ve ever been. Nobody knows just how bad it’s going to get. People say there’ll never be another Holocaust, but this is the way things started in Germany. It’s almost as if they are using Hitler’s own textbook to proceed with their agenda.
Oh, wait, that’s called Project 2025.
The current situation and combined historical systemic general racism also impact my own immediate family. We are not a family of one race or religion. I want to think that we’re very open-minded. But I suppose we won’t know till we put it to the test.
Several years ago. My oldest son married a black woman He’d been living with for a decade, and I got to know her family very intimately. The idea that people I know and love are treated like this is horrifying. I know I should say that how black people are treated should have always been obvious and always at the forefront of my mind. But it wasn’t.
Not until I was once more schooled by a person who knew better than I.
My eternal thanks to my daughter-in-law. You smacked some wisdom into an old man who should’ve known better, but had lost his way.
I love you like you’re my own daughter.
Additionally, but no less critical to the family, my eldest daughter married a man from Jordan who is a progressive Muslim. My granddaughter is half Jordanian. He is a citizen, and his parents have green cards and are prepared to move here at the end of the year, but given the current situation, I’m unsure if they will even be allowed into the country. For that matter, with the Trump administration looking to strip naturalized citizens of their citizenship and deport them, I don’t know what’s going to happen with him.
I am terrified for my family.
If I were a praying man and not an atheist, I would be begging God to show us a sign.
On a side note.
Dealing with the reality that other non-white people, mainly black and brown Americans, are being treated like second or third-class citizens. Based on all of the available evidence, a significant portion of the general public is turning against the Republican Party.
But I fear not enough of them.
I wonder what’s going to happen? Who’s gonna break first? Will MAGA and the GOP continue to help Trump due to their personal point of view? Or will some of them finally abandon him? Will any of them realize that actual human beings are being hurt in this conflagration? Won’t any of them remember where an American is supposed to be, and remember that kindness is a virtue?
I wish I could say things are going to get better. But I think it’s going to get a lot worse because that’s what MAGA and the Trump regime want.
I feel powerless. There’s not much I can do other than speak out. I don’t have a lot of money. I’m. Partially disabled. And let’s face it, other people on the left don’t want to hear progressive rhetoric anymore.
They want action.
I fear the action is coming soon, and we’ll be changed forever. I hope it’s for the better.
What would I say to anybody who is going to visit the United States right now?
Welcome to the Occupied States of America. I'd go home if I were you.
- Josh (07-07-2025)
May 10, 2025
The End Of The Road?
I know sometimes I sound like a doom crier, but I think we’ve reached the point where we can feel that noose tightening around our necks.
Across America, judges, mayors, and citizens are being arrested, and sometimes assaulted, for doing nothing more than standing up for the rights of Americans and residents of the United States.
They are standing up for the Constitution and are ending up behind bars.
In Washington, DC, a president and a slimy little Jack-booted lap dog are telling us that they’re walking to suspend the constitutional right to habeas corpus. In effect, we will no longer have the right to due process.
Without it, we can be locked up for any reason and for any amount of time. We can be convinced with no evidence and deported to concentration camps around the world. Or hell, even concentration camps in our own country.
On top of all that, it appears we will have a $1 trillion military budget.
I can only think of two things they will do with that budget. One, give the money to the military-industrial complex. And two, use the expanded military to put a boot right on our throats.
So instead of universal healthcare, universal education paid for by our own tax money, we get to fund the evil empire against the resistance. We get to finance Darth Vader and the emperor as opposed to Princess Leia and the rebellion.
What have we done, America?
What? Have we allowed to happen?
We are one hair away from living in 1930s-1940s Germany.
I’m scared and I’m not afraid to admit it.
I’m getting old. I’m a white man. I’m married to a woman. I’m not as worried about what’s going to happen to me. I have the privilege.
But I have children. I have grandchildren. I have friends. And frankly, I have the fucking human decency to worry about people that I’m not related to.
We live in dark days.
If we don’t stand up, if we don’t say something, if we don’t do something, we may be living in the final days of the Republic.
I’m scared to say that we may need to take up arms.
I’m a pacifist, and the idea sickens me. However, I’m again concerned for our people and our nation. If we don’t take action now, we will, most definitely, be the last generation of Americans who are truly American. Everything that comes after will be a pale, sad imitation.
It’s a fact that all civilizations and societies fall to the forces of time.
But this is too soon.
.
-Josh (05-10-2025)
Across America, judges, mayors, and citizens are being arrested, and sometimes assaulted, for doing nothing more than standing up for the rights of Americans and residents of the United States.
They are standing up for the Constitution and are ending up behind bars.
In Washington, DC, a president and a slimy little Jack-booted lap dog are telling us that they’re walking to suspend the constitutional right to habeas corpus. In effect, we will no longer have the right to due process.
Without it, we can be locked up for any reason and for any amount of time. We can be convinced with no evidence and deported to concentration camps around the world. Or hell, even concentration camps in our own country.
On top of all that, it appears we will have a $1 trillion military budget.
I can only think of two things they will do with that budget. One, give the money to the military-industrial complex. And two, use the expanded military to put a boot right on our throats.
So instead of universal healthcare, universal education paid for by our own tax money, we get to fund the evil empire against the resistance. We get to finance Darth Vader and the emperor as opposed to Princess Leia and the rebellion.
What have we done, America?
What? Have we allowed to happen?
We are one hair away from living in 1930s-1940s Germany.
I’m scared and I’m not afraid to admit it.
I’m getting old. I’m a white man. I’m married to a woman. I’m not as worried about what’s going to happen to me. I have the privilege.
But I have children. I have grandchildren. I have friends. And frankly, I have the fucking human decency to worry about people that I’m not related to.
We live in dark days.
If we don’t stand up, if we don’t say something, if we don’t do something, we may be living in the final days of the Republic.
I’m scared to say that we may need to take up arms.
I’m a pacifist, and the idea sickens me. However, I’m again concerned for our people and our nation. If we don’t take action now, we will, most definitely, be the last generation of Americans who are truly American. Everything that comes after will be a pale, sad imitation.
It’s a fact that all civilizations and societies fall to the forces of time.
But this is too soon.
.
-Josh (05-10-2025)
April 27, 2025
I Had A Bad Day
Five years ago today, I experienced the worst day of my life. It was just after noon when the police knocked on my front door. Sad to say, I wasn’t surprised to see a police officer.
I had been waiting for this day for years, dreading it really.
The police officer told me my son was dead.
They told me he’d killed himself. I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t.
I felt like I’d been stabbed in the gut.
I felt like a small child who’d lost their parents in a mall.
I asked him what I was supposed to do. It was the time of COVID. And there were no funerals. He said he was really sorry, but he didn’t know.
I got all the information from him. As soon as he left, I drove to my wife’s work to tell her the bad news. Of course, she was devastated. Hearing the grief in my wife’s voice and seeing the despair on her face was more than I could handle.
We spent the evening making phone calls, letting people know, and generally ruining the lives of many people who love us and loved him.
Because he wasn’t married anymore, his next of kin were his mother and his biological father. The funeral home needed their releases to collect the body and do what needed to be done. I ended up having to pay to track down his birth father so that he could sign the paperwork to get the ball rolling.
The man never called, showed up, or sent flowers. He completely abdicated his responsibility and rights as a father. I don’t hate many people in this world. In fact, I try not to hate anybody, but I hate him.
A couple of days later, a bunch of his friends from his sober living days before he went off the wagon. Had a wake for him. I couldn’t go. The idea made me want to vomit. I sat in the house crying while my wife and my children went to say goodbye to my son.
A couple of days after that, the funeral home said we could come in and see him before he was cremated. The experience was awful. I entered the white room to see him and say my own goodbye, and I didn’t see a person. I just saw a thing that looked like my son. I saw nothing more than an empty shell.
My son really was gone.
The last five years have been hard. My sleep schedule. My eating, my blood sugar, my ability to create have all been destroyed by my depression over the Loss of my son.
I’m hoping now that I’ve been able to get a lot of it out through therapy and writing my short story about losing him, that I can finally move forward.
I’ll never move on. You never move on to something like this. You never get over it. Hopefully eventually. I’ll be able to move forward.
Maybe I can finally say goodbye.
I am proud that I got to be your father.
I love you, boy, and I miss you more than you can possibly know.
I had been waiting for this day for years, dreading it really.
The police officer told me my son was dead.
They told me he’d killed himself. I thought I was ready, but I wasn’t.
I felt like I’d been stabbed in the gut.
I felt like a small child who’d lost their parents in a mall.
I asked him what I was supposed to do. It was the time of COVID. And there were no funerals. He said he was really sorry, but he didn’t know.
I got all the information from him. As soon as he left, I drove to my wife’s work to tell her the bad news. Of course, she was devastated. Hearing the grief in my wife’s voice and seeing the despair on her face was more than I could handle.
We spent the evening making phone calls, letting people know, and generally ruining the lives of many people who love us and loved him.
Because he wasn’t married anymore, his next of kin were his mother and his biological father. The funeral home needed their releases to collect the body and do what needed to be done. I ended up having to pay to track down his birth father so that he could sign the paperwork to get the ball rolling.
The man never called, showed up, or sent flowers. He completely abdicated his responsibility and rights as a father. I don’t hate many people in this world. In fact, I try not to hate anybody, but I hate him.
A couple of days later, a bunch of his friends from his sober living days before he went off the wagon. Had a wake for him. I couldn’t go. The idea made me want to vomit. I sat in the house crying while my wife and my children went to say goodbye to my son.
A couple of days after that, the funeral home said we could come in and see him before he was cremated. The experience was awful. I entered the white room to see him and say my own goodbye, and I didn’t see a person. I just saw a thing that looked like my son. I saw nothing more than an empty shell.
My son really was gone.
The last five years have been hard. My sleep schedule. My eating, my blood sugar, my ability to create have all been destroyed by my depression over the Loss of my son.
I’m hoping now that I’ve been able to get a lot of it out through therapy and writing my short story about losing him, that I can finally move forward.
I’ll never move on. You never move on to something like this. You never get over it. Hopefully eventually. I’ll be able to move forward.
Maybe I can finally say goodbye.
I am proud that I got to be your father.
I love you, boy, and I miss you more than you can possibly know.
April 19, 2025
Words Unsaid
Therapy was rough today. We tore into some serious shit, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
I do know that right now, I feel personally wrung out, drained, flattened, run over, and exhausted.
This may be one of the toughest sessions I've ever had, and apparently, we're just getting started.
Today in therapy, we talked about my son.
More specifically, we talked about my single grace guilt regarding my son. You see, after we kicked him out of the house, I told him I wouldn't speak to him again until he'd been sober for a year. Time passed, and he went in and out of sobriety. But finally, it looked like he was staying that way.
He did a stint in rehab and met a woman whom he came to love. They say you should only get sober for yourself and not place your self-worth on another person. But this woman seemed to give him a reason to go on and a reason to stay clean.
About eight months into that one year. He came over to my grandparents' house for Easter dinner. He brought her, and they seemed very happy together.
He was his old self again. Telling jokes, making people laugh. He brought food. It was like we had my son back for a brief moment. Everybody was giving him another chance, talking to him, laughing with him.
I refused to say a word.
When we left that night, he said, "Goodbye, Big Josh (he'd always called me that since he was 7 years old), I love you."
I said nothing.
Several days later, he was dead.
The last thing my son ever said to me before he died was I love you.
The last thing I ever did was ignore him.
Is it any surprise there are days I want to die?
If you have children, I beg you, no matter what they've done, always tell them you still love them. I wish I'd lived that advice.
.
- Josh (04-19i-2025)
I do know that right now, I feel personally wrung out, drained, flattened, run over, and exhausted.
This may be one of the toughest sessions I've ever had, and apparently, we're just getting started.
Today in therapy, we talked about my son.
More specifically, we talked about my single grace guilt regarding my son. You see, after we kicked him out of the house, I told him I wouldn't speak to him again until he'd been sober for a year. Time passed, and he went in and out of sobriety. But finally, it looked like he was staying that way.
He did a stint in rehab and met a woman whom he came to love. They say you should only get sober for yourself and not place your self-worth on another person. But this woman seemed to give him a reason to go on and a reason to stay clean.
About eight months into that one year. He came over to my grandparents' house for Easter dinner. He brought her, and they seemed very happy together.
He was his old self again. Telling jokes, making people laugh. He brought food. It was like we had my son back for a brief moment. Everybody was giving him another chance, talking to him, laughing with him.
I refused to say a word.
When we left that night, he said, "Goodbye, Big Josh (he'd always called me that since he was 7 years old), I love you."
I said nothing.
Several days later, he was dead.
The last thing my son ever said to me before he died was I love you.
The last thing I ever did was ignore him.
Is it any surprise there are days I want to die?
If you have children, I beg you, no matter what they've done, always tell them you still love them. I wish I'd lived that advice.
.
- Josh (04-19i-2025)
April 3, 2025
On Your Left
Yesterday, April 3rd, 2025, President Donald J Trump announced “Liberation Day” and then. proceeded to slam the entire world's more tariffs than the United States has ever levied against another nation.
Today, April 4th, 2025, the stock markets plunged at the opening Bell and didn't stop. And the layoffs of American workers. began. I don't see much hope in the near future.
If you're old enough, you remember when we all knew America had serious problems. Racism, sexism, homophobia, income inequality, and the power of the billionaire class plagued us all. Yes, things weren't great. But we were moving in the right direction. Things were looking brighter every day. There was a sense of hope and optimism in the American people, even in the most downtrodden. We all knew it was going to get better. It was soon going to be our time to live the good life. Things would be good for everybody and just who we metered. it out equally.
Then 9-11 happened, and it broke our nation and our people.
Maybe forever.
After that, rabid racism and irrational, often hysterical, fear ruled the day. We became a nation of terrified children looking for someone to blame and a strong man to lead us. Eventually, the fearful and the hate-filled got their wish. They were willing to relinquish freedom and democratic rule of law for the illusion of safety and security. And that's what they got.
In the last 100 days, Donald Trump and his true paymaster, Elon Musk, have broken the United States government. They've dismantled whole departments and shut down agencies. They've wiped out rules that protected people and imposed new ones that do nothing but hurt others. At this moment, tens of thousands of American government employees have been. laid off or directly fired. As crazy as that sounds, it looks like it's only the beginning. And there are 10s, maybe hundreds of thousands more to come. There is talk of martial law if protesting Americans give them the opportunity, or more realistically, the excuse, to impose it. And more talk of Trump running for a third term, even though he's constitutionally forbidden to do so. I can't believe I'm the only one that thinks military forces will be used to enforce a 3rd term.
Things no longer look brighter every day. They look darker and more evil Then the day since the Civil War, or the darkest hours of the civil rights movement. I don't know what will happen to America or what we'll be like in ten years. One thing I am sure of is that the terrorists won. If there's such a place as hell, the ghost of Osama bin Laden is looking up at us and laughing.
But...
I refuse to accept that our freedom is lost.
I refuse to believe that we are beyond the tipping point as a civilization.
I still have hope for the future.
I've said it several times. Now, things look dark for Americans. We've already been living under ten-plus years of this man's insanity and sociopathic behavior. It's no exaggeration to say he has wrecked us.
Right now, at the cusp of pour darkest hours, Americans need a friend that still believes we are worth saving.
We need someone to say, "Hey, Americans... on your left."
-Josh (04-04-2025)
Today, April 4th, 2025, the stock markets plunged at the opening Bell and didn't stop. And the layoffs of American workers. began. I don't see much hope in the near future.
If you're old enough, you remember when we all knew America had serious problems. Racism, sexism, homophobia, income inequality, and the power of the billionaire class plagued us all. Yes, things weren't great. But we were moving in the right direction. Things were looking brighter every day. There was a sense of hope and optimism in the American people, even in the most downtrodden. We all knew it was going to get better. It was soon going to be our time to live the good life. Things would be good for everybody and just who we metered. it out equally.
Then 9-11 happened, and it broke our nation and our people.
Maybe forever.
After that, rabid racism and irrational, often hysterical, fear ruled the day. We became a nation of terrified children looking for someone to blame and a strong man to lead us. Eventually, the fearful and the hate-filled got their wish. They were willing to relinquish freedom and democratic rule of law for the illusion of safety and security. And that's what they got.
In the last 100 days, Donald Trump and his true paymaster, Elon Musk, have broken the United States government. They've dismantled whole departments and shut down agencies. They've wiped out rules that protected people and imposed new ones that do nothing but hurt others. At this moment, tens of thousands of American government employees have been. laid off or directly fired. As crazy as that sounds, it looks like it's only the beginning. And there are 10s, maybe hundreds of thousands more to come. There is talk of martial law if protesting Americans give them the opportunity, or more realistically, the excuse, to impose it. And more talk of Trump running for a third term, even though he's constitutionally forbidden to do so. I can't believe I'm the only one that thinks military forces will be used to enforce a 3rd term.
Things no longer look brighter every day. They look darker and more evil Then the day since the Civil War, or the darkest hours of the civil rights movement. I don't know what will happen to America or what we'll be like in ten years. One thing I am sure of is that the terrorists won. If there's such a place as hell, the ghost of Osama bin Laden is looking up at us and laughing.
But...
I refuse to accept that our freedom is lost.
I refuse to believe that we are beyond the tipping point as a civilization.
I still have hope for the future.
I've said it several times. Now, things look dark for Americans. We've already been living under ten-plus years of this man's insanity and sociopathic behavior. It's no exaggeration to say he has wrecked us.
Right now, at the cusp of pour darkest hours, Americans need a friend that still believes we are worth saving.
We need someone to say, "Hey, Americans... on your left."
-Josh (04-04-2025)
November 1, 2024
Them Popo's!
So, what’s new in the world of Josh you ask?
Well, my truck is currently in impound, which the local police farm out to the private sector in order to suck more money out of us.
More on that in a bit.
I bet you’d like to know I’ve ended up in this predicament, wouldn’t you? I was driving home from the pharmacy when the “Reduced Engine Power” message came up on the dash. This was followed by immediate deceleration. I managed to coast into the corner entryway but stopped before I was one hundred percent on BP property.
This is important.
To me, it looked like maybe a foot, at the most, of the passenger back corner was past the curb. I believed there was no impediment to traffic, so I first called my insurance company and arranged a tow for the truck. Then, I got a ride home from my son-in-law.
I’d been home for less than an hour when the local police called me and informed me that I was obligated to have called them. I had zero idea that was a thing if you weren’t stopped in the middle of the road. So,
instead of calling me first, Officer Happy called for a tow and waited until it was there before calling me to tell me it was being impounded.
As it turned out, my tow arrived at the same time, and Sergeant Congenial sounded pissed about it. I asked him to let my tow take my truck and just ticket me, but he flat-out refused. If Lieutenant Friendly could’ve said, “Fuck you, fatty,” I’m sure he would’ve.
So tomorrow, we have to go to the police department and pay for the ticket. Then go to the impound lot, pay at least two hundred dollars to get it released, and arrange a NEW tow. But instead of a free tow from the insurance company, we done used that up, and have it towed to the mechanic, where we will still have to pay to have it fixed.
So, what have we learned from all of this, children?
We’ve learned that cops are all assholes who only care about raising money and that someone needs to punch Captain Jovial in the fizz.
Also, as NWA said, “Fuck the police!”
.
(And yes, I’m aware that my issues with the police are nothing more than miniscule compared to the REAL problems other people have with law enforcement)
Well, my truck is currently in impound, which the local police farm out to the private sector in order to suck more money out of us.
More on that in a bit.
I bet you’d like to know I’ve ended up in this predicament, wouldn’t you? I was driving home from the pharmacy when the “Reduced Engine Power” message came up on the dash. This was followed by immediate deceleration. I managed to coast into the corner entryway but stopped before I was one hundred percent on BP property.
This is important.
To me, it looked like maybe a foot, at the most, of the passenger back corner was past the curb. I believed there was no impediment to traffic, so I first called my insurance company and arranged a tow for the truck. Then, I got a ride home from my son-in-law.
I’d been home for less than an hour when the local police called me and informed me that I was obligated to have called them. I had zero idea that was a thing if you weren’t stopped in the middle of the road. So,
instead of calling me first, Officer Happy called for a tow and waited until it was there before calling me to tell me it was being impounded.
As it turned out, my tow arrived at the same time, and Sergeant Congenial sounded pissed about it. I asked him to let my tow take my truck and just ticket me, but he flat-out refused. If Lieutenant Friendly could’ve said, “Fuck you, fatty,” I’m sure he would’ve.
So tomorrow, we have to go to the police department and pay for the ticket. Then go to the impound lot, pay at least two hundred dollars to get it released, and arrange a NEW tow. But instead of a free tow from the insurance company, we done used that up, and have it towed to the mechanic, where we will still have to pay to have it fixed.
So, what have we learned from all of this, children?
We’ve learned that cops are all assholes who only care about raising money and that someone needs to punch Captain Jovial in the fizz.
Also, as NWA said, “Fuck the police!”
.
(And yes, I’m aware that my issues with the police are nothing more than miniscule compared to the REAL problems other people have with law enforcement)
October 28, 2024
The American Reich
"If George Washington were alive today, he would be friends with Adolf Hitler."
- James Wheeler-Hill, national secretary of the German American Bund (1939)
.
"The smartest one gets to the top. That didn't work so well recently in our country. But they ask me, 'Is Putin smart?' Yes, Putin was smart. And I actually thought he was going to be negotiating. I said, 'That's a hell of a way to negotiate, put 200,000 soldiers on the border.'"
- Donald J Trump, 45th President of the United States of America (2022)
.
Founded in 1936, the German American Bund was an American Nazi organization. The organization chose its name in order to emphasize its American status. Only Americans of German descent were allowed to join the Bund. Its main goal was to promote a positive view of Nazi Germany.
In comparison, the MAGA movement is a racist, homophobic, antisemitic, and xenophobic organization created by Donald Trump during the 2015 – 2016 Presidential election cycle. MAGA is less of an official organization as it is a movement centered on one person, Donald J Trump.
I am not ashamed to admit that I was scared by the similarities between Donald Trump's rally at Madison Square Garden and the 1939 German-American Bund rally, also at MSG. Both rallies espoused the beliefs of their godhead, Trump and Hitler.
The parallels between both rallies are terrifying.
Google them.
The man, Trump, and his cult are the greatest existential threat the United States in general and the world as a whole has faced since the Second World War. When another man, Hitler, and his cult threatened the entire world. At the end of that war, Germany only survived because the West needed it as a bulwark against the USSR.
Otherwise, it would've been nothing but ash.
The leaders of the MAGA movement have clearly stated and shown that their plan is to destroy America as we know it and turn it into a Christo-Fascist authoritarian dictatorship. They want all of the strings of power concentrated in the hands of very few individuals, and maybe just one.
They want America First.
If they win the election next week, they may very well have it.
We walk in dangerous times, America. Maybe we should pay attention to what they are doing just as much as we are paying attention to what they are saying… or maybe more.
The Germans were given a choice, and they turned toward fascism
.
Next week we have a similar choice.
For the love of whatever or whoever you believe in, vote for sanity!
.
10-28-2024
- James Wheeler-Hill, national secretary of the German American Bund (1939)
.
"The smartest one gets to the top. That didn't work so well recently in our country. But they ask me, 'Is Putin smart?' Yes, Putin was smart. And I actually thought he was going to be negotiating. I said, 'That's a hell of a way to negotiate, put 200,000 soldiers on the border.'"
- Donald J Trump, 45th President of the United States of America (2022)
.
Founded in 1936, the German American Bund was an American Nazi organization. The organization chose its name in order to emphasize its American status. Only Americans of German descent were allowed to join the Bund. Its main goal was to promote a positive view of Nazi Germany.
In comparison, the MAGA movement is a racist, homophobic, antisemitic, and xenophobic organization created by Donald Trump during the 2015 – 2016 Presidential election cycle. MAGA is less of an official organization as it is a movement centered on one person, Donald J Trump.
I am not ashamed to admit that I was scared by the similarities between Donald Trump's rally at Madison Square Garden and the 1939 German-American Bund rally, also at MSG. Both rallies espoused the beliefs of their godhead, Trump and Hitler.
The parallels between both rallies are terrifying.
Google them.
The man, Trump, and his cult are the greatest existential threat the United States in general and the world as a whole has faced since the Second World War. When another man, Hitler, and his cult threatened the entire world. At the end of that war, Germany only survived because the West needed it as a bulwark against the USSR.
Otherwise, it would've been nothing but ash.
The leaders of the MAGA movement have clearly stated and shown that their plan is to destroy America as we know it and turn it into a Christo-Fascist authoritarian dictatorship. They want all of the strings of power concentrated in the hands of very few individuals, and maybe just one.
They want America First.
If they win the election next week, they may very well have it.
We walk in dangerous times, America. Maybe we should pay attention to what they are doing just as much as we are paying attention to what they are saying… or maybe more.
The Germans were given a choice, and they turned toward fascism
.
Next week we have a similar choice.
For the love of whatever or whoever you believe in, vote for sanity!
.
10-28-2024
October 15, 2024
When The Family All Gets Together
Things have been dark for Clan Hilden. But Ol'Josh has been AFK (I'm bringing that one back) and hasn't had much screen time in the last couple of days. Or, at least, not my screen time by my standards. So, with only a modicum of snark, here's a quick rundown of the madness.
My maternal step-grandfather died a little over a week ago. As I said in my goodbye blog post, he was a great man and had a significant impact, for the better, on my life. Because of him, I like to think I'm a good grandfather.
That was the beginning of the mess.
Due to my Grandpa's funeral yesterday, I was mostly radio silent here on the World Wide Web. I'm bringing that term back, too, because everything old is new again.
Have you watched TV or a movie lately?
I mean, don't we all miss the days when a person had to specify they were going on the vaunted Information Superhighway?
There's one I haven't heard of in a while.
All things considered, things were nowhere near as bad as they could've been.
There was the expected chilliness between certain members of the family and extended friends of my Grandpa. It's not a surprise because, over the years, more than one feud has raged, several of them between my mother and my aunt.
I spent a significant portion of the day making sure mom was ok, and, for lack of a better word, I guarded her from the potential nastiness. Two of my sons and I spent time acting as her shield wall. As dumb as that sounds, there were none of the potential confrontations.
I spent so much time on defense that I couldn't grieve. Once we arrived back home, I broke down, and then I slept until it was almost dark. Then I was asleep for the night before 10pm.
The one unexpected thing that happened was I had an honest to Tesla conversation with my middle brother. We haven't talked since 2011.
It was a bizarre day, to say the least.
My maternal step-grandfather died a little over a week ago. As I said in my goodbye blog post, he was a great man and had a significant impact, for the better, on my life. Because of him, I like to think I'm a good grandfather.
That was the beginning of the mess.
Due to my Grandpa's funeral yesterday, I was mostly radio silent here on the World Wide Web. I'm bringing that term back, too, because everything old is new again.
Have you watched TV or a movie lately?
I mean, don't we all miss the days when a person had to specify they were going on the vaunted Information Superhighway?
There's one I haven't heard of in a while.
All things considered, things were nowhere near as bad as they could've been.
There was the expected chilliness between certain members of the family and extended friends of my Grandpa. It's not a surprise because, over the years, more than one feud has raged, several of them between my mother and my aunt.
I spent a significant portion of the day making sure mom was ok, and, for lack of a better word, I guarded her from the potential nastiness. Two of my sons and I spent time acting as her shield wall. As dumb as that sounds, there were none of the potential confrontations.
I spent so much time on defense that I couldn't grieve. Once we arrived back home, I broke down, and then I slept until it was almost dark. Then I was asleep for the night before 10pm.
The one unexpected thing that happened was I had an honest to Tesla conversation with my middle brother. We haven't talked since 2011.
It was a bizarre day, to say the least.
