The Fear of Commitment – Fact or Fiction?

 

I hear this phrase get tossed around a lot. It’s usually by a friend of mine who just went out on a date with some douche she met on Plenty of Fish. “Yeah, he’s a totally awesome guy. He’s just not ready for a relationship right now. He went through a lot with his ex (wife, girlfriend, sheepherder, whatever). For now, we’re going to take it slow and just let what happens happen. Oh, also, we’re totally sleeping together.”

Heartfelt sigh and hefty eye roll.

Let me explain something right now. There really is no such thing as a fear of commitment. There is a fear of committing to you, that’s for damn sure. But the fear of commitment thing is a fucking myth, perpetrated by the entire male gender so they could fuck you and have an excuse for trading up when something better comes along.

Because ask yourself this; If a 22 year old, supermodel, nymphomaniac billionaire virgin dropped into his lap, do you really think he’d still have a fear of commitment?

I can’t blame dudes for trying this one all the damn time, because chicks fall for it again and again. The whole broken, damaged, “maybe I can fix him” thing. Sometimes, my friends will even have the balls to say “well, at least he was honest.”

Um yeah, honesty ain’t everything. What if he honestly told you his trunk was full of dead hookers? Would that make the hooker killing ok? I didn’t think so.

I love it when a dude drops the ‘fear of commitment’ thing thirty minutes into our first conversation. It’s his way of telling me I’m good enough for one night, but not good enough for a weekend trip. Thanks for the validation douche bag. I’ll stick to being hot and you stick to going home alone.

I just find the ‘fear of commitment’ so damn arrogant. How do you even know anyone wanted to commit to you in the first place? Trust me, if you’re a 41 year old, overweight, out of work software engineer living in you moms basement, your fear of commitment is about as valid as your fear of zombies. Both zombie apocalypse and you getting a woman who actually wants you for something beside a drunken accident are equally as likely to happen, so put your fears aside. I’m pretty sure you’re safe.

In all honesty, I have no desire for a committed relationship. If it happens, cool. If not, my life is full enough to keep me from getting depressed. My biological clock ain’t ticking, I already had a kid. I have a mirror to remind me how hot I am, gardeners who mow my lawn, and a neighbor with just enough of a crush on me to fix my transmission for free.

But some guy disqualifying me for something I haven’t even asked for just gets my dander up. And that’s pretty hard to do, because I don’t even know what dander is! I think it might be an adult male goose named Dan?

Anyway, what I’m trying to say to the men out there is the fear of commitment thing is played out. Time to let it go. Because while a fear of commitment might be sexy when you’re thirty, by the time your 60, it just screams ‘trunk full of dead hookers’.

Don’t be that guy.