Brand Disloyalty

If you’re an entrepreneur—say, you set up your own shop on
Etsy, or you just opened a food truck, or you’re an artist, food blogger, musician,
comedian, or author—you’ve probably heard that you should be “branding”
yourself.






*slips iron branding poker into fire. To
stick in my eye because I just used the word “brand” as a jargon-y verb*
Anyway. If you hold a gun to my head and force me to
identify my brand, it’s this: commercial women’s fiction that cracks a towel on
your behind. That is to say, funny with bite. But what people find funny is
very subjective. Two years ago I was approached to ghostwrite a novel for a
celebrity—it was to be sweet, cozy, warm, “funny,” maybe with an element of
light mystery or magic, and recipes.






After I stopped panicking and throwing up, I sat back and
considered this. I can do cozy and warm in real life. In college, a bunch of
guys actually nicknamed me “America’s Sweetheart.” I garden, I bake cookies, I
rescue bumblebees from spider webs, I never forget a birthday, and I would
adopt every unwanted animal within a hundred mile radius if my husband would
let me. BUT:  if I actually tried to
write something warm and fuzzy, every molecule in my being would mutiny. I’d snap.
I’d start out writing about a sweet, hapless woman who dreamed of opening a cupcake bakery
and finding Mr. Right, but instead she’d chuck it all to join a gluten-free, transgender biker gang, and
there would be way more jokes about skin tags and athletic supporters than should
exist in print, period. I just find sarcastic anti-heroes and their journeys to
redemption that much more FUN to write.
In other words, I like Jim Gaffigan a lot, but I like Louis
C.K. a lot more.






(Speaking of comedy, oh, do I have a great book to tell you
about in a few weeks!)
So I guess I’ve got my “brand,” and my next two novels--one
complete, one underway--enforce this. However, there is a book I am DYING to
write that goes way off my reservation. This is in keeping with a running theme
in my life: things going smoothly? Complicate the hell out of them! Anyway,
more on that later.






Next week: my favorite Brussels sprouts recipe, and let’s
help my friend December Gephart celebrate the release of her debut novel! 
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