Swine Flu. I have it—do you?

I am a hypochondriac.  Every little weird ache or pain is a symptom of something much larger.  I have diagnosed myself with traveling brain tumors, adrenal gland failure, and yes, even bi-polar disorder.  So it’s only natural when a new villain comes to town, I start exhibiting symptoms. 

It really should be no joking matter, because the schools they have closed in Texas are only an hour south of me.  Mexico is a four hour trip down a flat road from me.  But still, I have to laugh because I get