The Story of Josh Part Forty Nine: The Finale
I have been using these series of journal essays as a therapy session of sorts. When I decided to attempt and get a handle on my depression and my massive sense of inferiority and self loathing I needed the pretense of therapy in order to be truthful. I started in May of this year and have cranked out dozens of stories that delved into my past as I attempted to reach the roots of my issues. I have covered things that have been done to me that were wrong, things that I have done that are wrong, and the world that I have inhabited for thirty six years.
It has been a journey that has been worth the consequences. And my friends and haters there have been consequences.
My parents are mad at me and one of them has not spoken to me since May. A sibling that will not be named, but I will tell you it was not the youngest, threatened to sue me for slander over something I had written (yeah think about that for a minute). And I have disconnected from many family members who I honestly believe do not want anything to do with me now that I have emptied the secrets from my closet. But my wife supported me through ever step, my children still love me, and my grandparents stand behind me. I feel better, I sleep better, and my self-respect has never been this high. Someone I will not name told me that one day I would regret being so candid and telling things from my point of view. Whose fucking point of view am I supposed to use, the homeless guy that throws rocks at cars near the interstate? Well here is my take on it. If I get it all out there, empty the closets and drag the secrets out from under the bed, then there is nothing that can be used as a weapon against me.
So fuck’em … it was all worth it in the end.
But now it is time for this leg of the journey to come to an end. My life has changed more over the summer of 2012 than at any other time since the turn of the century … by the old ones that makes me feel old. I will continue to tell my story o this blog, the story never ends and it will need to be narrated but it will be under a new heading. “The Story of Josh” has finished the first volume and the second one is still being woven in the vast factories and artistic havens of my mind and memory.
The feedback and support that I have received from so many of you has been overwhelming. I love you all and it is because of you that I have been able for the first time in my adult to pull myself out of the darkness of the pit and into the bright light of the day.
Josh
It has been a journey that has been worth the consequences. And my friends and haters there have been consequences.
My parents are mad at me and one of them has not spoken to me since May. A sibling that will not be named, but I will tell you it was not the youngest, threatened to sue me for slander over something I had written (yeah think about that for a minute). And I have disconnected from many family members who I honestly believe do not want anything to do with me now that I have emptied the secrets from my closet. But my wife supported me through ever step, my children still love me, and my grandparents stand behind me. I feel better, I sleep better, and my self-respect has never been this high. Someone I will not name told me that one day I would regret being so candid and telling things from my point of view. Whose fucking point of view am I supposed to use, the homeless guy that throws rocks at cars near the interstate? Well here is my take on it. If I get it all out there, empty the closets and drag the secrets out from under the bed, then there is nothing that can be used as a weapon against me.
So fuck’em … it was all worth it in the end.
But now it is time for this leg of the journey to come to an end. My life has changed more over the summer of 2012 than at any other time since the turn of the century … by the old ones that makes me feel old. I will continue to tell my story o this blog, the story never ends and it will need to be narrated but it will be under a new heading. “The Story of Josh” has finished the first volume and the second one is still being woven in the vast factories and artistic havens of my mind and memory.
The feedback and support that I have received from so many of you has been overwhelming. I love you all and it is because of you that I have been able for the first time in my adult to pull myself out of the darkness of the pit and into the bright light of the day.
Josh
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