The Writer’s Predicament

Guess what? We did it.

I received an email from my lawyer Tuesday. Mighty Penguin has finally agreed to give me the rights back to my first three books. It only took a year. As soon as I got the email, I went into the kitchen and told Kristy. We held hands and jumped up and down like children. I called the kids. I called my mother. I called my brothers and sister. I told the dogs about it. When Kristy got home that night, she brought me a fifth of Ketel One vodka. I love Ketel One. Martinis, olives, all that. It was cool.

I thought about how David must have felt when the stone hit Goliath between the eyes and Goliath fell. He must have said to himself, “Whoa… did I just do that?” Yeah, he did. AND SO DID I! Yuk yuk.

My predicament now? What the heck do I do with the books now that I have them back? I’m going to try to sell them, of course, primarily because Kristy really wants a jet ski. Since I have them back, I now have a series of four books with a fifth in the pipeline — it’ll be done soon, I promise — plus a stand-alone thriller and two “literary fiction” novellas. I’m excited because I get to go back and take a look at those first three novels and turn them into better books. I plan to take some of the profanity out of them. Not all, but some. The world of criminal justice is often a profane world, and when I was writing the books I thought I needed to convey that to readers. But thinking back, I think I could have told the story I was trying to tell just as effectively without excess profanity, especially the “goddamnits.” I haven’t received much negative feedback on those books, but the limited negative feedback I’ve received has been from folks who were offended by the language, and in particular the “goddamnit” thing. Since I received the feedback, I’ve asked myself this question: “Is it all that important to be profane? Is it all that important to use the term ‘goddamnit’ when you know it offends some of your readers, especially those who are Christians?” And the only reasonable answer is no.

In my defense, I grew up hearing the term “goddamnit.” My grandfathers used the term, my uncles, my father. I didn’t really attach any religious connotation to it because I wasn’t raised “in the church.” My parents claimed to be Methodists but they never went to church, so neither did I. “Goddamnit” meant the same as “shit” and “fuck” and “good god” and “motherfuck” and “fuck me.” It was a term of frustration or anger. When I moved into the world of criminal defense, it was a common term used by cops and lawyers and defendants. Even a few judges used the term, although I will admit that the wearers of the unsightly black frocks restrained themselves when it came to taking the Lord’s name in vain. So when I put it into the books, I thought I was giving readers a real taste of what it was like to be in that world.

Bottom line, I’m going to clean those books up a bit so the lady in Tazewell can enjoy the story without being offended by the taking of her Lord’s name in vain. I might take a few of the fucks out of the books. I might take some of the phrases like “he was fantasizing about his balls slapping off of her ass” out. I don’t want to soften the stories, because ultimately they’re stories about a profane and evil world, but I think I can tell the same stories without alienating a significant part of my target market. Is that a sellout? Maybe, but John Grisham writes similar stories and he uses ZERO profanity. I can’t go to zero, but I can certainly cut it back.

I won’t change the plots at all, but I’ll get help developing consistent books covers for the series. I’ve enlisted a marketing guy who is going to help me and I’ll pay him the same 15 percent I paid the agents who did nothing but read the manuscripts, download them, and send them to editors. He’s all about branding Joe Dillard, and I think ol’ Joe is worth branding as long as they don’t press a hot iron onto one of his butt cheeks and produce an ugly scar which Caroline might find unattractive.

Finally, there are several guys and girls out there who are making anywhere from $20,000 to $70,000 a month with indie publishing, and that is exactly where I intend to go. I’ll keep writing, this marketing guy will keep advising me on how to do it right, and maybe, just maybe, after all these years of busting my butt, I’ll become an overnight success.

If it happens, I’m going to have a big party out at the lake. You’ll all be invited. In the meantime, if you’re happy for us, grab your wife or your husband’s hand and just jump up and down for a minute. It’ll be great fun.