Tj Hector: No Regrets

This is the story of TJ Hector, and what it was like to be born into poverty, to parents with substance abuse problems, and with the strength to find a passion, like music, to heal yourself and find your way with no regrets.

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TJ Hector

I grew up in a very small town in the American south, to proud parents who worked their whole lives to provide for their kids.

Sounds pretty typical of most families, you know? My mom worked in a yarn factory and my father in a furniture factory. Me and my sister (now 23) had everything we needed. What we didn’t realize was that we were quite impoverished. Yet there was always food on the table, even if it were ramen noodles or something we ate each night.

My parents were always wondering if there would be enough coming in to keep things afloat. They hid it from us, and for that, I thank them. I did have both parents in my life, but I’ve really noticed recently how much I am like my mother. She and my father split in 2005, and ever since she has headed into a downward spiral. He is seemingly doing well, while she drank him away… or has been trying to.

Both of my parents have turned out to be quite the alcoholics, something else that was hidden from us. My mom loves my father and would do anything to be with him again, but he just does not want her, so she drinks and cries.

Having to see her so down, so often has really put me on her side with most things. From my father, I get masculinity and his humor. However, from my mother, I get what’s most important and also most self-destructive–heart and emotion. I wanted to be nothing like my mother; I would never let another person become what my father was to her. I would never love anyone that much.

I told myself these things, but that isn’t exactly what happened. I fell in love and as all great things come, there is a date at which they must depart. The same practices, the same thing that happened to my mother, happened to me. I fell into nearly a year-long depression, starting in September 2010 and into late 2011.

I do not like to cry, but I would cry in private. Almost every night I would sit in my room and cry until I finally went to bed. I became more reclusive than I already am naturally; I did not want to hang out with friends, I did not want to enjoy life.

I had always loved my time alone, but now more than ever I needed people…and they were not around. The nights were the worst, because that’s when I had most time to think. I wanted to sleep for as long as I possibly could, so that there were no hours available. What really brought me out of those difficult times was the music of  Amy Winehouse. These songs in particular “He can only hold her for so long,” or “Just Friends,” and the emotion within her cover of “Will you still love me tomorrow?”

I felt like no one really understood pain or how troubled I felt until I was truly introduced to her music. I had always liked her voice, but when I discovered her discography in depth, I began to do better. As cliche as it sounds, music healed everything. I finally found full-time work and saw that with being productive, you truly do feel like you’re needed.

Whenever I listen to Amy’s music, I felt something that no one else has ever had the opportunity to do for me. Each song, we are one in the same. So with her passing, I took it pretty hard. As for love, I hold no regrets. Even though I felt so heartbroken, the situation allowed me to see that I do feel something. I am capable of giving myself to someone.

Next time, it will be a bit different.  In my life, I plan to continue my ever growing love for travel and culture, design as a hobby and I am currently attending University in South Florida.

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What musician or musical experience changed your life?

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