I Don’t Care if You Read This; Just Like Me

Ok, so I don’t know if there is an official name for this or anything, so I’m going to call it a ‘drive by like’.

We’ve all had this happen. You’ve just published a blog and 12 seconds later; have received your first like. You know for a fact that the person who just liked you has not had time to read your page and that they are just liking your post so you will go read theirs, maybe throw them a like or a follow in return.

For some reason, this practice really seems to chap people’s asses. They get uber pissed when they find out that someone has liked their page without reading their post. In fact, a few months ago, I saw a post seriously berating the hell out of people for doing it. I think it was called “I Don’t Need Your Likes and I Hope You All Get Cancer.”* The best part of this post was that it made it to Freshly Pressed, where you will get more drive by likes than ever. I think the dude who wrote it probably went on a shooting spree sometime after. Ah irony, you do brighten my day.

Anywho, I’m writing this today to let you know that this practice does not bother me at all. Not even a little bit. I really don’t care if people read a word I write, as long as they like me.

Isn’t that terrible? I know. I’m a horrible person with low self esteem. What can I say? I need your approval, and I’ll take it anyway I can, even if I know you don’t mean it.

I think we all know the above sentence is completely untrue. In all truth, I’m kind of a narcissist.

 

Here’s the thing. I write my blogs for me. I am the kind of person who laughs at my own jokes. Hysterically. Most of the time I can’t even get them out before I’m sputtering and gasping for air like I’m the love child of Richard Pryor and George Carlin. I think I’m hilarious and I know that if someone is even attempting to drive by like my page, they will get sucked into my vortex of humor and soon be urinating all over themselves from uncontrollable mirth. Believe it or not, I have had more than one drive by like turn into a regular reader. Because I’m just that awesome.

My blog page has bigger problems than drive by likes. As you all know, for some reason, I am a hot bed of child pornography activity. My SEO makes me more appealing to pedophiles than a windowless van filled with candy and puppies. Or maybe they’re just yanking it to my picture. I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is I’m never writing about Thailand again.

To me, someone liking my page without reading my work is like someone telling me they like my shoes when they are just being polite. Am I going to attack that person and say “do you really like my shoes, or are you just saying that? Because if you’re just saying that, I’m going to be super pissed and write an angry blog about you.” No. I do what any normal person would do. I say thank you…and then I have sex with them.

I really don’t care if someone is liking me something to get something in return from me. They might or they might not. If one of their posts appeals to me, I might read it. If all their posts are about Acia Berries or Home Loan Modifications, I’m going to roll my eyes and move on

Because in my short time here, I have found blogs mirror life. Just because someone likes you doesn’t mean you have to like them in return. So bring on your empty likes everyone, because I am just that much of a narcissist that I believe their true anyway.

Look at that, I already go my first one and I haven’t even published yet!

 

* I actually have no idea what it was called. I didn’t read it. I clicked like and moved on, just to be annoying.