Confessions of a grumpy Druid

I write a lot about tolerance, inclusion, giving everyone the space to walk their own path in their own way. These are ideas that I believe in and value. Some of it is more aspirational than actual. Patience, for me, is very much a work in progress. The person I am least patient with is invariably myself but I certainly do get very grumpy about other people. Politicians and fundamentalists tend to top my list. Where I encounter narrow-mindedness, cruelty, bigotry, my capacity for any kind of compassion is sorely taxed. And I shall be honest, I am not beautifully tolerant of idiots either. Not people who lack intelligence – genuine shortage of brain power is not a thing to mock anyone for. Deliberate ignorance and refusal to think, is a whole other matter.

The trouble with grumpiness, is how easy it makes it to sit round being smug, self important, holier than thou and not actually get off my bottom and try to do anything. I know folk who do use their grumpiness as a spur to action, and I respect that tremendously. But it can so easily become an excuse in its own right, or a justification.

I’ve become ever more conscious over the last few years that people tend to have underlying motives for what they do, which aren’t always apparent from a casual look at the surface. What seems like laziness, may in fact be a person who is crippled by low self esteem. What seems like self importance or pride may be the defences of someone who is monstrously insecure. Fear, anxiety, lack of self confidence, these things all manifest in quite odd ways, and seldom self announce. They are, after all, the things anyone would prefer to hide.

How I respond to other people doing things I think are less than perfectly clever or useful, can be very much ‘in the moment’. One of the things I’ve been trying to do is work on how I think about other people, and the time I’m willing to put in on trying to see things from other angles. I ask ‘why?’ a lot, and the more I do it, the more helpful I’m finding it. Making sense of odd experiences in my history can be cathartic. Sometimes just having a best guess as to why, makes it easier to let go and move on. There was a person, years back, who went from seeming very pro and friendly, to becoming decidedly hostile. I spent a lot of time examining my own behaviour – if I could have found something of my making to correct, I would have gladly done so. Then it finally struck me, only yesterday… the change happened when said chap started relinquishing dreams and aspirations, and I did not. Was it as simple as that? Did he just resent me for not quitting as well? I won’t know if that was it, but it casts so many things in a subtly different light.

I’ve found repeatedly that being gentle and reassuring towards hostile and domineering people can have a surprising effect. If the hostility is defensive, then working to seem less threatening, less spiky myself, make things easier. It is realistically a lot easier to change myself and see how others change accordingly, than it is to expect change.

I have also learned to treasure my grumpiness. I don’t air it in public much, but it is like a smoke detector, going off now and then. Sure, sometimes it’s more of a burned toast scenario than a house in flames one, but it doesn’t hurt to be alert. I spent too much of my life trying to suppress my own frustration and unhappiness, a path that does not lead to anything good. If something irritates me, I’ll give it a good, hard look these days. I may go as far as a bit of satire (boil inducing or otherwise!) I do vent my grumpiness. It’s not, after all, my aim in life to try and attain whatever the pagan equivalent of sainthood might be. Just to do the best I can with what I’ve got. And to bitch about politicians, idiots, journalists, bigots and irredeemable assholes.