USADA Admits Wrongdoing In Armstrong Affair
The USADA today allegedly made an “admission of guilt” by refusing to co-operate with JTA-USADA-A (JT’s anti USADA assocation) proceedings. The proceedings were designed to probe rumors that the USADA had fabricated, destroyed, or ignored evidence concerning Lance Armstrong. The proceedings were also designed to get to the bottom of rumors that the USADA had improperly conducted hundreds of drug tests on Armstrong. The rationale for the proceedings included parody statements that “they must have destroyed evidence because everyone knows Armstrong is a doper” and “the tests must have been administered incorrectly or else Armstrong certainly would have failed at least one.”
Suspicions were initially raised when it was revealed that rumors allegedly existed that the USADA was purportedly in possession of both evidence fabricating and evidence destroying equipment. Agency officials point to unsubstantiated statements concerning the presence of printers, shredders, and garbage cans at the USADA office. One purported former USADA official was overhead admitting that “everyone copies, everyone prints, of course we copied and printed items concerning Armstrong. If you wanted to be competitive, you had to copy, you had to print, you had to shred.” Further critical evidence to be discussed at the arbitration included testimony from the wife of an individual rumored to be a former USADA official. The wife was rumored to have overhead a conversation that include the statement that “I know they’ve shredded things at the USADA, I know they’ve thrown things out, don’t ask me how, I just know it, okay, I feel it.”
Based on this overwhelming evidence, the JTA-USADA-A has concluded that the only possible explanation for the alleged presence of both evidence fabricating and evidence destroying apparatus was for fabricating and destroying evidence in the Armstrong Affair. One unnamed source potentially connected with someone somehow alleged to have visited the Agency was thought to have been overhead suggesting that “there’s no other possible explanation for why not just one, but at least four different pieces of equipment used to manufacture or destroy evidence are rumored to be located at the USADA offices. Therefore, the USADA must have been engaged in these activities.”
The JTA-USADA-A has consistently pointed to the fact that the computers that may or may not reside at the USADA must include delete keys, and backspace keys. ”We haven’t actually seen a delete key or backspace key, but they must be there,” one source close to the investigation was rumored to have repeated.
After the initial suspicions came to light, subsequent innuendo suggested that the USADA may have been rumored to have been at fault for improperly administering several hundred drug tests to Armstrong. The tests were carried out during a decade of competition. These drug tests were allegedly performed by USADA and other anti-doping agencies after every stage victory, after every overall victory, and randomly throughout the year, both in season and out of season. The JTA-USADA-A became convinced that the USADA was not following proper witch-hunt protocol because, as one unnamed source allegedly leaked, “it is impossible that they could have actually properly administered so many tests properly on Armstrong when these exact same tests caught, among others, Landis, Hamilton, Jones, Agassi, Almendinger, Andreu, Berard, Bergman, Bonds, Boston, Cameron, Caminiti, Conseco, Cushing, Frankling, Giambi, the other Giambi, Gooden, Grimsley, Hamm, Hardy, Harrison, Jones, Lawton, Leogrande, Lewis, Lo Duca, Mayo, Merriman, Monahan, Moninger, Mosely, Palmeiro, Papp, Pettite, Phelps, Randleman, Rios, Robbins, Roberts, Sbieh, Segui, Saurbrun, Shamrock, Sheffield, Stubblefield, Thomas, Toney, Vargis, Williams, and Woods (not Tiger).”
The JTA-USADA-A commenced its Salem-like proceedings against the USADA to determine (a) how the USADA could have been so incompetent to have administered so many tests on Armstrong without acquiring a single positive result and (b) what the USADA did with the evidence from the failed blood and urine tests.
USADA officials compounded their admission of guilt in the Armstrong affair by not being quoted by the JTA-USADA-A. The head of the agency was rumored to have been overhead saying “we are left with no choice but to strip the USADA of their title of most active and ridiculous medal-stripping agency.” The JTA-USADA-A will naturally take that title. One source purportedly close to the investigation might have been overhead whispering “I know a guy who might have worked with a guy at the USADA and when he was having his wisdom teeth pulled (and apparently his wisdom), he said they might have botched the Armstrong tests because they’d never found anything and how is that possible because in all those tests they must have found something.”
Federal officials likewise were not quoted by the JTA-USADA-A. Rumor has it that the Federal officials who failed to indict Armstrong on any charges after a two year investigation (the same officials who indicted Barry Bonds) were not involved in the USADA decision.
Agency officials appear unwilling to face scrutiny concerning how they failed to acquire a single positive test against Armstrong when they, or their international counterparts, were able to acquire positive tests, using allegedly identical techniques, on Schleck, Contador, << insert names of over 100 Tour de France Cyclists here>> and others.
One commentator mentioned that another commentator had heard that a blogger had repeated a rumor that “it was unlike the USADA to give up on something like the JTA-USADA-A proceedings since we know they will extrapolate the smallest mole hill into the biggest mountain.” This report is unconfirmed.
Bloggers may have heard that the JTA-USADA-A may be involved in a rumor and innuendo campaign concerning an investigation that the USADA will be alleged to return their budget of approximately $8.9M US.
The JTA-USADA-A is the self-proclaimed arbiter of USADA sanctioning. Accusations exist that the JTA-USADA-A (allegedly like the USADA) has no actual authority to conduct any investigation, has no connection to any government, is not recognized by any sports body of any type, and should not attempt parody.
