Leaked Apple Patent Shows iPhone 5 “SMT” (Sloth-Multi-Touch) Display

According to Apple Insider, a new patent has been filed by Apple, outlining multiple ways that layers of the display can be combined (liquid crystal, touch sensing elements, etc.) to create an ultra-thin display, and thus and ultra-thin iPhone 5. Here’s an image and description from the patent filing:

By integrating the layered structure of an LCD and a touch sensor, a variety of benefits can be achieved…[the rest is so boring I've taken the liberty of editing it out]

But here’s what they DIDN’T WANT TO SHOW YOU…

[image error]According to mysterious, unnamed sources, an ADDITIONAL, SECRET FILE clearly shows Apple hard at work making the life of a sloth even easier (Is that possible?) with SMT (Sloth-Multi-Touch). The new technology would allow a sloth to find food more easily, search for other sloths in the area, play Fantasy Football, and finally Shazam that song they’ve been hearing all summer.

This alternative version of the iPhone will likely be called the iPhone 5S (S for Sloth, or Slow, or just because it looks cool to have an S after the number), and be available in the jungles of South America as soon as they construct cell towers there.

NOTE: This post is a parody, completely fabricated as part of the larger parody book that is Unleash the Sloth! 75 Ways to Reach Your Maximum Potential By Doing Less. (Which you can buy right here.)