Please Welcome John Miles!!!

Okay, first and foremost, let me issue my most abject and humble apologies to one Mr. John Miles (Oh dear, I hope that that's his real name and not a pen name or I might've just called a girl "John"). I've been prohibitively busy these last months and though I know that's not an excuse to let some of the marketing go, I think he deserves to know that I didn't just forget, but that I was out in the real world having more adventure than I want to EVER have again.



And now on to more fun things...Like Mr. Miles' book! Judging by the things that I've seen on Amazon and Smashwords, the book Assula is a bit of a vampire comedy but I'll let John take the wheel and explain it a bit better. Shall we, fellow wingnuts?



RJ Palmer:

Tell us a little about the book, won't you?



John Miles:

Assula is the story of a young man named Smierfarts Necula who really wasn’t cut out for the life of a vampire. But when he was bitten by a powerful vampire---possibly Dracula himself-- he finds himself not only a vampire, but a vampire with some very poor luck indeed.



Soon he sets out on a series of sometimes funny, sometimes poignant misadventures that will keep you laughing and guessing all the way.



After becoming a butt biting vampire Assula is forced to leave his village---a butt biting vampire is just too embarrassing. He moves to New York and moves in with his Uncle Vlad, who is also a vampire and his Aunt Helga who is not.



There he lives for ten years before taking a trip to North Dakota with his aunt where he soon finds himself in George Custer’s army and finally the sole, albeit unofficial survivor of Custer’s last stand—or at least of those with Custer rather than Benteen or Reno.



Soon after that he finds himself in Deadwood where he marries and heads west to California to mine gold, but soon his wife betrays him and tries to kill him not knowing that he’s a vampire, and so he kills her instead---accidentally, he never did know his own strength—and then heads back to New York where he is soon identified as the probable killer of his wife and several others back in the California gold fields.



Assula is saddened to learn that because he can’t share with the police the fact that he is a vampire, he can not adequately explain what happened, and so he soon flees to England where he lives with Hannah, a colorful non-vampire ex-girlfriend of his uncle Vlad.



While in England, Assula meets a lovely young lady named Jeanette.



During the course of events he also meets with a Gypsy fortune teller who explains to him why he became what he is and how he can end his curse. It turns out that when people are bitten by vampires only those with evil in their hearts become vampires, the rest just die.



However, because he was bitten by a very powerful vampire, possibly even Dracula himself—for whom his uncle used to work, Smierfarts did find himself a vampire, but with the unusual proclivity of biting, but not really feeding on butts.



The gypsy woman also informs him that a woman who is close to him will soon be in danger by a werewolf. She can not see who for sure, only that it’s a woman with large breast and whose first name begins with the initial H, leaving him unsure if it is his aunt Helga or Hannah, the lady with whom he resides who’ll be in danger.



While at the gypsy camp Smierfarts gets his name, Assula. He can not fight the compulsion to bite a butt and so he picks out an old man whom he thinks will make a quiet victim. The man screams loudly, but Smierfarts finds cover before others arrive.

The others soon learn that the old man has been drinking and they disbelieve his story, which rather saddens Smierfarts who knows very well how that feels. Soon there are jokes about some old guy going around biting asses, but the old man says no, the man who bit me was young which causes someone to say that it must have been the son of the ass bitter---or Assula, and thus the legend, such as it is, was born.



Soon after meeting with the fortune teller he learns that his aunt Helga intends to visit from New York. When she arrives she soon becomes suspicious of Jeanette and decides to pay he father a visit, but Jeanette overhears their discussion and takes her captive, tying her up so that she can feed on here that very night. Only Assula can save her, but will he be in time?



RJ Palmer:

Now tell us a little bit about yourself, if you'd be so kind?



John Miles:

My name is John Miles and I am from Washington state in the USA. I am a us army veteran and former History teacher who has written articles---mostly political for various publications.



RJ Palmer:

Is there a work of your own of which you are particularly fond? Why?



John Miles:

I once wrote a short story called "A coward" which I seem to have lost track of, I guess I tossed it out out by accident. In any case it was fairly well received at the time. The story was about a young man in the Vietnam war era who intended to flee to Canada, not because he was opposed, but because he was afraid to fight in a war. His biggest fear was having to face his war hero father with the news. However, his father surprised him by telling him that he too was a coward because he had left the family out of fear that he would not make a good husband and father, but that he had always thought that he had seen in his son the makings of a good father that he did not possess. I guess what I liked about the story is that it showed that we all have insecurities and that fear and courage can take many forms.



RJ Palmer:

What is your favorite part of the writing process? Your least favorite?



John Miles:

My favorite part of the writing process is creating something that moves me, whether it makes me laugh or even sad to the point that I have to remind myself that hey, this is a character that I created. My least favorite part is when you stare at a blank page or computer screen and it just states back, unblinkingly like the bad guy in an old western, daring you to draw first.



RJ Palmer:

Describe in your own words (for there can be no other way) what direction it is to which you aspire when it comes to your work. Where do you want your work to take you?



John Miles:

I must say that this type of self reflection is very hard for me. I am reminded of the words of a stand up comedian whose name I have, sadly, forgotten." Yesterday, for the first time I saw myself on the insides and was shocked to lean that I'm as ugly on the inside as I am on the outside." Honestly to me the most important thing is to try to tell the best story that I can, as well as I can. Wherever that takes me is where I will go.



RJ Palmer:

Most writers have a favorite genre when it comes to reading that is not necessarily the genre in which they write, do you write in your favorite genre? If so, why? If not, why not?



John Miles:

I do like science fiction and fantasy, but I also like adventure such as the type that Clive Cussler writes. I also like military adventures like the type that Tom Clancy writes. On thing about the military adventures though, you really must be up on the latest technology or people are sure to call you on it. I also enjoy nonfiction, mostly politics, history or science.



RJ Palmer:

Do you have a favorite quote from a writer that you use for inspiration? What is it and why?



John Miles:

My favorite quote is from a writer from years ago, a lady I believe whose name, like the aforementioned comedian I have sadly forgotten, "No one likes to write, but everyone likes to have written." Often times, during moments of frustration I will remind myself of that.



RJ Palmer:

Some writers tend to have a unique step in their writing process that has nothing whatsoever to do with the actual writing but has everything to do with inspiration or balance. Most people would call it a little bit OCD. Do you have such a step? Would you care to share what it is?



John Miles:

I will at times find myself trying to act out in my mind the characters speaking to each other in fact, I often try to picture them in my mind. I may be wrong, but I think that doing this helps to make their dialogue seem more natural.



(And here I thought I was the only one that did that...Hmmm.)



There you have it ladies and gents, fellow wingnuts. If you like what you see and would like to know more about John Miles, feel free to look up Assula here on Amazon and here on Smashwords. Enjoy!!!