R.J. Palmer's Blog

Lost in Chaos

You're all going to have to forgive me for not being online a lot lately.  My wonderful husband, the love of my life and my soulmate, my Dragon, Albert Robbins III passed into the next life in January and it's kind of taken all desire to do much of anything away.

I hate God every time I wake up because I didn't get to move forward into the next stage of existence.  Albert is my Dragon and I'm working so hard to find a reason not to just give up.  I miss him and my heart aches without him.  I am quite literally lost in chaos.

Give me time and latitude.

He Wasn't Kidding...

I had a tremendously spiritual experience awhile back and I've put keeping up with my blog on the back burner. I didn't say it was right or cool or anything like that; it just is what it is and ultimately, it is how I am.

I do know that, most of the details aside, my moment of spiritual insight with the King of Kings is pretty much my business and more importantly, a real snooze fest for anyone who wants to actually know.

He named me His Scribe and gave me the greatest gifts for which I could've ever asked.

I finally got to marry the most wonderful man on God's green earth. We'd called ourselves married for a long time before that, but I finally got to make an honest man of him. It was the most terrifying experience of my life and conversely, the most incredibly easy and natural thing to do.

I was so scared I might make another mistake. I'd had two false starts, my treasured and fellow wingnuts. I admit openly that I kept the right one waiting way too long because I wanted to be sure he wouldn't just change overnight after the vows. It happened before and it was my stubbornness that kept me too timid to realize that if he hadn't changed in the first three years or so, he wasn't going to after he and I legally shared a last name.

He wasn't any better; just as cautious and timid but this isn't about him. It's about me admitting that I should have opened my "eyes wide shut" far sooner.

I say "eyes wide shut" because it's exactly what I had going on. I saw him and loved him so easily, but my silly fears wouldn't let me just take the plunge. That is, until the night before our wedding, when I didn't realize that the next day was Easter. I was too absorbed in the step we were taking the next morning to think about anything else.

I did something that evening that I'd never done before. I asked the only Father I'd ever really known if He would give His blessing to us. I let Him know that I was in love and that I was making this choice. I wasn't going to ask His permission, but I did want His approval.

Imagine my surprise and chagrin when we showed up at the church the next morning and Easter faithfuls (the people who only show up at church on Easter) were walking into the church in their pretty pastels and Easter best. In a way, I felt like I might have been stealing Jesus's thunder. It was His day, after all.

Then I heard the gentle whisper from my spirit, "I brought them to bear witness and celebrate with you, Rachel."

That was when I knew that I'd not only gotten His blessing, but His unconditional approval. He'd sent at least fifty more people than were normally at that intimate little church to help me get the point and to show me without a doubt that He smiled on us that day.

I had no father type to give me away; I didn't need one then. My God, my Father sent dozens of people to see me make my choice and let me know that He supported my decision.

He knew me better than I knew myself. He knew that if anyone gave me away, it wouldn't mean as much to me as the trust He gave me to take that walk myself and take that step by my own decision. I gave my own hand in marriage and He let me go and gave His blessing long before that.

That wasn't even the sum total of the spiritual experiences that I'm talking about. Don't get me wrong, my first real, actual marriage, not the first two because they weren't really marriages anyway, but the one I feel is my one and only because it's all come from the sweetest parts of my secret heart was a powerful experience and memory. It's the only time I've ever spoken vows we wrote ourselves and didn't get at all scared when I was speaking them. That just wasn't all the good Lord decided to hand over to me.

He had another gift in store.

I can't stop writing and when I'm not writing, I phrase things in my head and write in my brain.

I describe my husband in my own head at least ten times a day in the most eloquent and interesting way I can because I want to try to do written justice to what I see when I look at him. I always fall woefully short, but that's beside the point in this instance. He'll see this and stand proud and ego rushing for a while. Then, he'll like, tweet, and Google plus it and it'll be gratifying for him.

I do things like that because I simply can't stop. It would be easier to pull my hair and nails out individually with tweezers and no pain killers.

I just didn't believe in myself so very well and that has a way of tossing talent to the side in favor of self-doubt. I asked God at least eight hundred times if it was what He wanted me to do with my life and when I never heard anything back, I got even less sure of myself. Silence was laden and telling and exactly what I didn't want and yet, it was all I got.

I finally listened to my husband when he suggested that I talk to God about it and lay down a few ground rules for my answer. I finally actually prayed about it and said, "If this isn't what You want me to do with my life, I've written my last word and I can accept that. But if it is, I'll happily write until the day I die, but You need to let me know one way or the other."

Then, I waited for lighting to strike or for the earth to open up and consign me to fiery doom for daring to lay it out on the line like that to the Almighty. I sweated that one for a few days.

That is, until we went to a weekend gathering at the church. If anyone knows what a prophet is, they're the kind of people everyone sees as predictors of the future. It's not the whole of it, but it's what people see, so it's what they are with fair and reasonable estimation. At least, it's close enough and if you are able to understand what I'm talking about and the kind of person I'm talking about, that saves me the trouble of having to explain it any further.

If you want a better idea, read the Books of Isaiah, Exodus, Kings I and II and Chronicles I and II to gain better understanding. Just don't read them through a set of biased "we're all going to hell" eyes because you'll miss the forest for the trees and the whole point of their message. Concentrate on Isaiah; especially chapter 54 verse 9 to upend every bullshit line from a doomsday prophet or Bible thumping Evangelist talking about God being mad and all of us burning in hell for eternity. I really hate that crap. It's irritating and if that weren't enough, it's a big fat lie and crock of shit.

Anyway, we'd gone to this weekend gathering at the church. It was realistically more like a seminar on "finding your inner prophet" wherein we were learning to encourage and exhort to sharpen the natural gift innate in everyone. We were pretty much told to pray and then tell our seminar partner the first thing that popped into our heads because if we emptied our minds and let God take over, we didn't have to know anything to be correct. Then, it came from the One who wasn't ever wrong.

The prophet did do the church sermon thing, by all means and that had been the main point of the weekend for me. He was inspiring even if he didn't agree with all my views. Until he turned, looked at me when he was giving a word of encouragement or guidance to someone else, and said plain as day, "The Lord has said, 'Tell her it's time to write, it's what you were born to be."

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not the type to just give credence to just anyone based on a silly little thing like only their word. I didn't then, either. He told me things about myself that he couldn't have known without outside assistance and pastor had made it very clear that no one was to give information about anyone because then, what came was definitively from God.

I'm of the opinion that a prophet who is telling you about your future should be able to tell you at least two things about yourself that there's no way they can know without spiritual assistance. He gave me a little more than that while he told me that I was to write and tell my story because God told me to.

When someone who doesn't know your name tells you about your childhood from more than a decade previous and hits the crux of the matter like they've known you all your life, you learn to listen.

The one line that caught me and stayed with me was so simple. I'd heard him mention having done his research before, so he looked into people's lives beforehand. At least, that's what I gathered from that statement. I could've disregarded everything else he said to me as well researched and chalked it up as such. Except that he told me that I've picked up my writing and put it down more than once because I just didn't think I was good enough.

No one but me knew that. I hadn't even ever told my husband because I didn't think anyone wanted or needed to know.

He knew... And the only one who could have given him that was God. I listened to everything he told me before that, but I finally knew then that my second gift that year was right in front of me and on the table.

That was when I turned and gave him my full attention and worked to make note of what he was saying to me. It was my spiritual permission slip; endorsement from the Almighty. My Heavenly Father said I was good enough, that was enough for me because I might have a hard time believing in me, but the inventor of language didn't have the same issue, and that changed everything.

Anyone on earth could have told me seven hundred times that I was good enough to write professionally and I'd have still questioned. My husband had told me several times over four years, but he was supposed to be supportive and his opinion was naturally biased. He was my husband and therefore always read my work through eyes biased by love.

It's not like I blamed him or failed to understand; he's a genius (literally and figuratively) and in my eyes, so very much more than that. I still have to understand that I see in him what no one else does and it's colored by the fact that I'm in love. I can accept that I'm incapable of real objectivity where he's concerned and I needed to accept that he would be just as incapable of real objectivity where I was concerned. Anything I wrote would automatically be a masterpiece to him. Understandable.

But this guy had no reason to lie to me, or be sensitive to my feelings or even take any kind of interest in my irrepressible, compulsive talents. I knew when I'd told God that if He didn't want me writing, I'd written my last word that I was condemning myself to thousands of sleepless nights and so many cluttered, disorganized thoughts and the possibility that I would have a psychotic break. I'm not kidding or exaggerating there. I wasn't sure I wouldn't crack mentally if I couldn't ever write again but I was willing and really, REALLY hoping that that wasn't what He wanted from me. I didn't want to go crazy.

But that wasn't what happened. God wanted me to write. God WANTED me to write. All those years I'd spent with my nose in a book ignoring a dark and terrifying world around me, the hyper literate speed reader who read everything from Encyclopedia Brittanica to little shit in the local newspaper or the ingredients on the shampoo bottle just for something to read and because I couldn't help it, it was all finally coming in handy.

All those years of a vocabulary that got me beaten (and yes, I said beaten... Read "A Sad Happy Birthday-February 14th 2012" to better understand) ostracized and hated, and that was just from my father. All the times I got into trouble because I could read anything with speed and confidence and comprehend everything, all the times I spelled words for him so he wouldn't look as ignorant and illiterate as he was, all the times I read papers to him that he couldn't understand and then explained it all, all the times my words, my reading and writing came in handy for him but not for me because being female and smarter got my ass kicked... It was all coming to something and this time, just this one time, it was coming in handy for me because I had the ability and also blessing of the God I love so much to use my words. I could use them all in ridiculous abundance and immerse myself in it, enjoy it, and glory in it.

That was one hell of a moment for me. If you understand a compulsion at all, you'll understand the impact that had on me and the course my life has taken since then. Imagine the rush. I can tell you that it was addictive, heady, and primal. I wanted to shout, jump up and down, and sing. Don't worry, I'm not in the habit of hurting others, so I didn't burst into spontaneous song. I hope you get the idea because I don't know how to explain the feeling any better than I already have.

Okay, so that was a lie, but I'd use too many pages trying and even I don't have that kind of patience.

All told, a real, honest to goodness spiritual experience gave me true and better understanding of what Christ did and what happened to Him in the wilderness those 40 days. It was enlightening, powerful, and I gained new perspective from it which means that I got exactly what I needed but refused to ask for.

Score another one for the Alpha and Omega. I'm beginning to think He might be showing off just a tad. It's not unreasonable to think that He would. I mean, if I were capable of the kind of things that He can do, I'd show off all the time, not just from time to time. I still see Him as a bit of an egomaniac, but He's the one who'll cop to it. Read the ten commandments where He says, "I'm a jealous God." He wouldn't have said that if He didn't have a great reason and know Himself so well.

I'm game for it either way, I do get to run after my dream, after all. I'll keep you updated, when I remember. In the meantime, be patient with me everyone, I have much to learn and even more to do.

We're LIVE!!!

It’s been twenty years since that fateful winter night in the Colorado asylum and the Donnelly twins are all grown up. Elizabeth is a bit of a bounder with a taste for adventure and Renee… Well, Renee just wants to be normal. Like that’s ever going to happen. When tragedy strikes the Donnelly family and everything goes haywire, Renee finds herself scrambling alone in a race against time to solve the riddle of a lifetime, fix what’s broken and figure out how it all went so horribly wrong to begin with.

Happy New Year!

Truthfully, that was all I could think to title this and Frosty the Snowman kept going through my head. Every time they bring him to life with that hat, he says, "Happy New Year!" Not the most catchy line, but sometimes corny, stupid humor is exactly what the doctor ordered.

I haven't even thought of a blog post lately and I know that sounds like cleverly disguised slacking, but there has been a point. I've been writing more on my fourth novel, trying to figure out where to hide the bodies if the kids are too rowdy...Okay, so I'm completely bluffing there. The novel part is true though.

I don't get many places to air all my most profound thoughts because I don't speak very well. I stop breathing and my face turns a lovely shade of red when I have to speak in front of people. I'm horribly introverted in that regard, with my family and my books to keep me company and...That about sums it up. I'm boring but hey, everyone gets old sooner or later and I'm rather looking forward to it.

Anyway, I've been wrestling with a good blog post, something really important and wildly interesting. And then, I came up with these ramblings but hey, it's later in the evening, I've had a little to drink and I'm generally in a good mood. Score one for vodka.

There Is No Hell

There is something that’s been on my mind for longer than I care to think about and that usually means that I need to write it out. It’s probably because someone somewhere needs to read about it so I do the writing and let God send it where He wills. Beyond writing about it, the rest is none of my business. I’ve already reconciled the finer points of what I’m about to say and I’m very sure that there’ll be more than one person who staunchly disagrees with me so I’ll say to you all right now, you won’t change my mind and impassioned arguments or scriptural references that you want to interpret to the contrary won’t sway me either. Don’t waste my time or your energy trying to change my perspective.

You see, God has worked with me for more than a decade on the little concepts and the subtleties of what the word “hell” means and its implications beyond this life. Simply put, after much study and reflection, I can only surmise from what I can see that there is no hell. No one is going to hell when they die because it doesn’t exist. Even atheists are not going to hell regardless of what they choose to believe now. Everyone is going to spend eternity with the Heavenly Father.

You see, there were four different words between the biblical Old Testament and New Testament that were translated into the word “hell” and not a single one of them literally means from the vernacular a place of eternal punishment in fire and torture. In fact, in the origins of the word “hell” it literally means “to cover up or conceal.” It comes from a Germanic root.

Let’s examine, shall we?

And yes, before we go any further, I’m going to ignore the implication of “punishment for the wicked and sinful” aspect of the translations and their meanings in each of these and I will explain this later. Hang in there with me, we’ll get to it.

The first word that was translated into the word “hell” was in the Old Testament in Hebrew. It was the word “Sheol” which is, in ancient Hebrew, the world of the dead or the grave. There are no other words translated into the word “hell” in the OT of the bible.

Now, before you go any further, you must first understand that God told Adam that he should not eat of the fruit of the tree for in that day, he would surely die. God never told Adam that he was going to a place of fiery torture for eternity. He told Adam that he would go to the grave. It’s that simple.


All the remaining words that were translated into the word “hell” are in the New Testament and I’m going to break them down one by one and then introduce a new perspective that might help someone somewhere see things in a whole new light.

The first word in the NT translated was the Greek “geenna” which was of Hebrew origin and was simply a pit or a grave where the dead, both human and animal were cast and burned. This was not for torture. This was done to prevent the spread of disease from bacterial growth and whatnot from the cadaver. This is also that simple.

The second word in the NT was “hades” which again is the underworld, or the world of the dead. In transliteration, it means “not to be seen” which coincides with the Germanic root of the word “hell.” Remember that I said that the root meaning of it is “to cover up or conceal?”

The third word in the NT was “pyr” which is of course, a fire. Now, before you get all up in the air or get your undies in a bunch, remember that it was in fact, part of the death ritual for all Greeks to be burned on a pyre. This was a necessary part of the burial process and a person could not get into hades in accordance with Greek burial tradition without their body being burned.

The fourth word from the NT that was translated into the word “hell” was “tartaros.” This was also the underworld, the grave or the pit. There is less implication that goes along with the word “tartaros” so there isn’t so much to work with as far as perspective. It was fairly simple and straightforward.

Now that we’ve examined all of the words that were translated into the word “hell” between the OT and the NT, let me introduce you to a fresh idea. Maybe you’ve thought about this before and you’ve been too worried about the potential ramifications spiritually or morally to really delve into it. The idea is simple.

Every time the word “fire” is translated from the bible, it is a part of a purification process which can only come from the embodiment of the essence of God and not an idea of eternal torture.


Riddle me this, if the fire in the bible is something to be feared, why is it that every reference to the embodiment of God in the same bible is by way of fire?

A few examples, if we will?

God instructed Moses to go to Egypt and tell Pharaoh to free the Israelites from out of “a burning bush that was not consumed.” When Pharaoh finally relented and let the Israelites go, they were led out of Egypt by night by a “pillar of fire” which was God. When God descended upon Mount Sinai to give the law to Moses, He did so as a fire and the sight of the glory of the Lord was like fire to the eyes of the Israelites.

Every sin offering to the Lord was to be a burnt offering or an offering of flesh and fire. In the tabernacle in the wilderness, by night the presence of the Lord was a fire and by day a cloud. The burnt offerings were consumed by the Lord as a fire. Even strange offerings made to the Lord which the Lord did not accept, the person who offered was consumed by fire.

Wickedness was to be burned by fire. No one with blemish was to make an offering by fire. If anyone had anything against his brother, he should settle it first and then make a sin offering by fire. When the Israelites complained and upset the Lord, He came down with fire. Every example of a burnt offering to the Lord that was made with pure intentions was made by fire and was pleasing, or a “sweet savour to the Lord.”

The Lord descended upon Sodom and Gomorrah with fire to destroy them.

In Judges, the Angel of the Lord touched the altar on which was the offering of unleavened cakes and flesh. Fire came out of the rock and consumed the offering. The spirit of the Lord descended upon Samson as fire and burnt his bonds in Lehi.

In 2 Samuel when David cried out to the Lord, the Lord heard him and answered with fire.

Elijah offered an offering to the Lord to prove between him and the prophets of Ba’al which of their gods was the living God in 1 Kings 18 and God burnt the offering, the altar, the water that was poured onto it and the water filled moat around it with fire. In 2 Kings when Elijah told the captain that if he be a man of God, that fire consume him and his fifty men, and it did. Elijah went to heaven in a chariot of fire.

Elisha’s protection in the form of Angel armies was being surrounded by chariots of fire.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were not consumed in the fiery furnace and in fact walked around in it where the servants who threw them into the furnace were consumed by the fire.

In the NT, the fire is mentioned several times as a process of purification. The clay must go through the fire to harden it and to burn up the dross. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is hewn down and cast into the fire. The tares are gathered to be burned in the fire after the harvest. Also a reference to the time of the harvest, the wheat is kept but the chaff is burned in the fire.

John the Baptist, who baptized in water and repentance, told of Jesus who was to baptize with the Holy Ghost and fire.

Everyone is to be salted with fire and every sacrifice to be salted with salt.

Jesus stated that He was come to send fire on the earth.

The Holy Spirit descended upon those in the upper room as tongues of fire and they spoke in languages they didn’t know.

Kindness to your enemies is as heaping coals of fire on their heads.

In Hebrews, God is a consuming fire.

Shall I keep going or do you have the idea? Have you figured out yet that the fire purifies? It burns up the impurities and leaves the hardened and purified state behind when it is done.


I went around all of that to make this one parallel. Every reference to hell in the NT of the bible says specifically “hell fire.” Now, if the word “hell” is of Germanic origin and means to cover up or conceal and anyone who reads this gets the point that I’m trying to make in the idea that the embodiment of God is fire, it is then not such a big stretch of the imagination to draw the idea that the real hell is what happens when you try to conceal yourself from God.

Just like Adam in Genesis when he told God that he “was naked and so he hid,” the real hell of which everyone is so afraid has nothing whatsoever to do with a place of fiery torment in the afterlife. There is no possibility that hell is a place where people are going to be cooked for eternity for the amusement of God and as punishment for their wicked ways. People hide themselves from God in their own hell to try to avoid their wickedness being laid bare before Him.

God does not intend to punish anyone forever with fire and torture. God intends to pass us through His presence to purify.

I know, I know, this completely sets the lie to whatever it was you were taught all your life. It’s so much more comforting to believe that someone who did you wrong in your mind or who doesn’t act within the scope of your accepted beliefs and behavior is going to be punished eternally by a just and righteous God.

Then again, if you’ve ever told a white lie whether it was for the right reasons or not, if you’ve ever looked at something and wanted it, if you’ve ever hated anyone for even a moment or lusted after someone else who is not your spouse, if you’ve ever carried around unforgiveness in your heart or been proud of yourself for any reason and even if you’ve ever worn cotton underwear with an elastic waistband or driven one mile an hour over the speed limit, you are just as guilty as they are and you too should go to hell. Even Jesus said, “He who is guilty of breaking one of God’s commandments is guilty of breaking them all.”

Perhaps then we should all grant some latitude to each other and be loving and sensitive in our dealings because as much as it might be consoling to you to believe that someone else is going to burn in hell for all of eternity and forever because they hurt your feelings, this is simply not going to happen. It is a lie and at face value, it’s a rather convincing one, too.

Does this upend accountability? No, because a person who is trying to conceal themselves from God is refusing accountability and will only know peace when they’ve allowed the fire that is God to help them face the things they’ve done wrong or the mistakes they’ve made and forgive themselves for it. There is the point where we step out of hell. It only happens in a spiritual manner when we are no longer trying to hide from God.


Does this mean that the Bible is a long and exhaustive way for God to say, “I love you, your sins are forgiven and you’re going to spend eternity in paradise with Me whether you want to or not and there’s nothing you can do about it?” That’s absolutely the case. That is the right answer and God has spent six thousand years telling us that and has also provided hundreds, if not thousands of examples of exactly what He was talking about. We’re all going to spend eternity in the Kingdom with our Heavenly Father no matter where we came from and no matter how much we resist. We all go home to God sooner or later, Christian or Atheist, Jew or Gentile. The person doesn’t matter, the will of God does and it is the will of God to bring all of His beloved children home. You are among them. Accept it, there are no alternatives and you have no choice.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I welcome it.

It Occurs To Me

It's been so long since I posted on my blog that I'd almost forgotten that I could use this as a place to write out my innermost thoughts, or at least some of them. Some of my quietest leanings and my most unusual viewpoints are to stay right where they are because simply put, they're a little too controversial for now. I'm not saying that that's the way it'll be indefinitely, it's just for now.



Let's just say that I've been doing a lot of thinking and I'm also a student of theology, in a manner of speaking. I'm more like a student of the Bible and it's in a most unusual way. I like looking at the vernacular, or the original meaning because centuries of translating and retranslating causes what's been said in the Greatest Story Ever Told to become twisted or perverted according to the person writing and the person translating.



With that being said, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about Genesis, the first book of the Bible as most are well aware. I’ve been particularly absorbed with the whole idea of the role of women and more particularly, the restrictions placed on them as a whole.



Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame or hate men, not anymore. I used to but then again, coming out of a raising like mine, no one could be surprised or upset at me for it. My father is a misogynist, he hates women and I suffered for years for his prejudice and his leanings. Naturally, it changed my point of view and it took a lot of years and an ocean of tears for me to surmount what he did to me and all the ways he warped me by virtue of his horrible choices. A person doesn’t ever come out of the other side of something like that completely unscathed. Use your powers for deductive reasoning and I’m sure you’ll figure out what I’m talking about. It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to understand and if you don’t figure it out, you’re in denial or you’re far more sheltered than I’d originally given you credit.



What I’ve learned is that mankind is still stuck in an idea that’s antiquated to the tune of two millennia. Not that we can be blamed as a general rule, it takes a long time to unlearn a few millennia of teaching and two thousand years is not enough to unlearn four thousand years of cultural teachings.



The primary cultural teachings I’m talking about revolve directly around the role of women in culture, in life and as a general rule, in history. I know I’m among the lucky few women with a man who understands and agrees with my view. Prior to him, I wasn’t even aware that there were men who truly agreed because I’d met too many of them whose true feelings were cloaked by an agreeable veneer. Everyone knows what I’m talking about or at least they should.





I’ve met a lot of people, men and women alike who seek to deny the role of both women and men. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a crazy feminist or a sour, embittered woman. I know because I used to be. There was a time when I would’ve done anything to deny the role of a woman in her world, when I used my anger and bitterness to justify emasculating men and I took a certain perverse pleasure in it. In my eyes, all men were cowards and sought to dominate because that was the only experience I’d ever had with men. That was my issue and I rationalized it with transference. I also tried to fit all men into the image of the role I was under the impression they all wanted and that image was simple: all women were property, they were subordinate.



My choices in companions in my life was a reflection of that for more than a decade and I can look back on it and realize that while I can hold each male with whom I got into an abusive and controlling relationship accountable for his actions, I also needed to hold myself accountable for my choices and my actions. I faced my demons in due course and walked away from them for the most part. By that I mean that there is still a part of me that automatically assumes that men only ever want to control and dominate women, that all they ever want is power and control and while this is not strictly the case, it’s still a present problem in even our modern culture.



More than anything, I guess I get tired of hearing men use a Biblical basis to further their desire for their dominion over women. Am I saying there aren’t exceptions? Dear Lord, no and if no one takes anything else out of this, mark my words, I don’t believe that every man is alike. I had to write that because people aren’t just prone to selective hearing, they’re also prone to selective reading or reading what they want to read as opposed to what is actually there. So there it is; qualifier inserted and if you should deliberately misconstrue what I’m saying to suit your own point of view or your own ideas or even simply for the sake of seeking to be offended, grow up and get over yourself. I weary of diplomacy far too easily and I’m not interested in trying to tell a bunch of people what I already said or seek to smooth ruffled feathers. I don’t have the time or inclination to make someone else feel all better because they want to whine about things I’ve stated.



For now though, back to my point. See? I was getting to it; you just needed to be patient. I’ve watched quite a few people of both genders seek to upend and overrule the natural role of women in the world while instinctively seeking the natural role and this causes a problem psychologically. Let me be perfectly blunt. Even Biblically speaking, a woman’s life role is clearly defined and the clear definition can only be found in the book of Genesis.



As succinctly as possible, Genesis states that woman, or Eve was created to be the HELPER of man, or Adam. Look it up in Genesis chapter two if you don’t believe me. I’ll even do the work for you and let you know that it’s stated in verse twenty. There you go, nice and tidy; no muss, no fuss. Now that I’ve probably pissed off a lot of people and they’ve quit reading this, I’ll finish writing this post while operating under the assumption that those who didn’t finish reading this simply aren’t ready to understand what I have to say.



The word “helper” is defined very simply as “someone who helps someone else.” It is therefore only reasonable to state that the role of a woman in the world is to help. There is nowhere in the definition of helper that states that a woman is a man’s subordinate.



That being said, yes I do understand where the modern role of a woman comes from and I also know about the Biblical teachings about the role of a wife and the place of a wife but I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that upon the point of the “Curse of Man” or Original Sin as we call it, Eve was told that her “desire would be for her husband and he would rule over her.” I don’t deny this point. Why then, when we discuss the role of Jesus as the provision for sin of the world, or everyone, do we tend to leave women out of this? Why is it that only men seem to be redeemed in the eyes of so many men and women still have the role of subordinate thrust upon us? Did Jesus leave women out when He reversed the curse or did He treat women as His equals?





I’m also very aware of the writings in the Epistles of Paul, which are in the New Testament of the Bible and yes, I do believe that he was given to misunderstanding. Let me help you understand what I talk about. Paul, when he was Saul was a Hebrew and was training to become a Pharisee, or a Priest of the Hebrew Temple. He knew the law, being the law that God handed to Moses or the Mosaic Law, inside and out. He knew about the Hebrew interpretations of that Law and he knew about the role of women in that law, which was less than nothing. In accordance with Old Testament Law, women were nothing more than property and though they were to be property treated with a certain amount of respect, they still had nothing of their own and they had few rights.



Paul received the Revelation, or Apocalypse of Jesus after the crucifixion and resurrection but his leanings and understanding would have still been as much legal as they were spiritual. He would not have been able to avoid coloring his writings with his education and upbringing, that of a Pharisee. He would have understood the sacrifice that Christ made but his legal education would have made him to overlook that Christ didn’t only die to reverse the curse of Original Sin on men, but on women as well.



In keeping with this train of thought, when Adam and Eve sinned TOGETHER because they were together when they ate the fruit, the curse wrought upon the ground was reversed but so was the punishment placed upon women. This means that a woman’s desire for her husband and his rule over her were ended. And no, I’m not talking about sexual desire, I’m talking about the desire to be ruled by and submissive to a woman’s husband was no longer the punishment for that woman. This means that any woman is free to pursue and chart her own course in life, to decide what is best for her and to chase her dreams. That is the desire I talk about. It is no longer necessary for women to pursue their husbands’ desires as their own.



This is an idea that is so slowly evolving as to be at a snail’s pace. I still hear frequently that women are to behave as if they were still under the letter of the Mosaic Law when in fact, that’s simply not true. Women use it as an excuse to deny accountability and men use it as an excuse to be right and dominant when in fact, we are all equals. I have frequently failed miserably at learning in “quiet submission” and “obedience” as outlined in the Mosaic Law. Check the New Testament in Corinthians if you again, don’t believe me. I choose to read the Epistles of Paul through the filter of his education and understanding, as it should be.





In short, I am a woman and a wife. I am equal to my husband and he was the one who insisted that we affirm that in our marriage vows, much to my surprise. I am not his subordinate and I am free to pursue my own dreams and desires in life. He doesn’t rule over me. I am his helper and neither he nor I have sought for a very long time to deny the instinctive leanings of our genders. He seems to be perfectly happy being the “protector and provider” and I’m very happy being the “nurturer and caregiver.” We raise children together though neither of us is more important than the other and neither of us takes all accountability for the raising of the children. We face this world as life mates and as a team.



He enjoys his creature comforts and I enjoy taking care of him. Dinner and cleaning are things he doesn’t worry about unless he chooses it to be so and I don’t worry about going out and working to bring home the paycheck unless I choose to do so. We have an incredible agreement worked out and it works for us because neither of us seeks to try to step outside of what we were naturally and instinctively born to do. Those instinctive leanings compel us as a couple and as a team. I am his equal even if I am his house wife and that’s okay with me. He’s my provider even if he is the working stiff in the relationship and that’s okay with him. He says he’s old fashioned about it and that he loves having his wife at home when he gets here at the end of the day but really, we tend to be progressive in that we both accept the instinctive role of our particular gender and the modern definition.



I guess I wrote all of that to say this, if the curse was reversed for everyone with the sacrifice of Christ, that means that women are no longer subordinate to men and that men no longer need take the rule or the accountability for the things that happen in their home with their wives and children. That point was intended to be a major drawback to the rule over a woman for a man. Man was given that rule but he was also given all responsibility and accountability. When his wife made a poor choice or a mistake, he was at fault and now, men need not worry about that just like women need not worry that men are to be the ruler over them. Woman was created to be man’s helper, not his slave or his bitch. Man was created to enjoy all that God had given to him, and among the great and wonderful gifts of God was and is woman.

Because I Write...

I needed to write something. I’ve been having trouble sleeping and I narrate my entire life in my head constantly. As weird as it sounds, it’s me and I have to learn to accept me for who I am. I know it can be a bit confusing. I can be a bit confusing. If you remember that I will always be writing a story in my mind and I’ll always be coming up with one descriptive or another for everything and everyone I see, you’ll figure out more about me. Maybe I need to remember that from time to time.



I’m misunderstood and I can accept that. It’s not like I came around to this conclusion casually but it’s also not like it was some kind of earth shattering epiphany, either. I simply realized it one day, accepted it and moved on. I know it should seem more glamorous than what it is and if you’re let down or disappointed by it, I’m sorry. When I started writing I thought it would be more glamorous than the life I live now. Score one for reality, I guess.



You see, the reality is that my professional life is an endless cycle of creative energy punctuated by times when I’ve let out all that creative energy and simply can’t get a handle on myself until such time as a new idea comes into my head. It’s a little nuts but then again, I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I don’t ever make a novel just become. That’s not what writing is about. My life is not a round of fast cars, fat bank accounts, designer clothes, movie deals and New York Times bestsellers. It’s not that I don’t wish that kind of thing would happen sometimes but my lot in life is what it is and damned if sometimes I don’t think I drew the short straw.



I talk to God about it a lot and sometimes He answers and sometimes He doesn’t. When He does answer, it’s invariably something along the lines of, “Rachel, just do what you do best.” All the time He’s got laughter in His voice and that can get irritating from time to time. It’s not like I would’ve chosen to be a writer. When I was sixteen and thought about it that was because I didn’t need to go to college to succeed in writing and because I thought it was so very different than it is. I thought in my youth and naivety that I could write a novel and that I’d become the next overnight sensation. I’d be discovered and never have to worry about money again and that ultimately, I would earn the respect of my peers with remarkably little effort. Boy was I wrong.



Truth be told, most of the finest examples of literature throughout history have come from the minds of people who are clinically depressed, mentally imbalanced, alcohol or substance abusers or tormented by past mistakes and regrets and sometimes, they’re a bizarre combination of more than one of the above. And yet, when you read what they’ve written, it’s so very inspiring because they have a way of taking their deepest pain and most profound thoughts and put them onto paper in a way that draws you in and won’t let you go. It’s not always that you choose to read that next page; it’s that you have to. It’s not like you’re not aware of the idea that you have to get up and go on about your day when you look at the clock and realize it’s three in the morning and you have to get ready to work in the next few hours but it’s not something you can bring yourself to sacrifice. You just can’t close that book until you’ve read through all of it or until you can’t hold your eyes open, one or the other.



If I had the choice between writing and getting a “real job” without the adventure or the element of chaos, I’d still choose writing. Perhaps it’s because I’ve already adjusted to life as a writer and honestly couldn’t see myself any other way or perhaps it’s because I’m just a glutton for punishment and I’m too stubborn to be willing to pursue any less than my dreams. Either way doesn’t sound any better and I know this because I just reread what I wrote.



I am an Independent Author. I haven’t gone the traditionally published route because I got several rejection letters but I also knew that what I had to say and the things I’ve written have merit. I have a voice. I have an opinion and I have talent and I simply can’t let someone else determine whether or not I should follow a specific course based on their bottom line. Sometimes, I truly feel sorry for Traditionally Published Authors and I have good and sound reasons.

As an Independently Published Author, I have no contractual obligations to anyone and I don’t change what I’ve written based on the opinion of a publisher or agent. I don’t have to make it “salable” for someone else. I stay true to who I am. I also don’t have to worry about passing my heart and soul (I’m referring to my manuscripts here) off to someone else to change and chop up as they see fit to fall in with their market perspective. My works are my own and I am the one who accepts accountability for all content therein.



It’s true that I pay through the nose for an editor (Felicia, you are the bomb) but she doesn’t try to change what I’ve written. She keeps the premise and story intact while she just fixes the mistakes I’ve made in the writing. My cover artist (Athanasios, I still get effusive compliments) gives me what I want and I pay well for it, but I also get to see exactly what I envisioned when he’s done. For “Sins of the Father” he overcame his doubts and gave me exactly what I asked for. I couldn’t have been happier.



I don’t labor under deadlines and I don’t have a contract which means that I don’t ever have to worry about attorneys or watching what I say. I read and review what books I choose and I don’t worry about what is and isn’t “mass market friendly.” Has anyone actually taken an honest look at the reviews for Traditionally Published Authors (and yes, I do intend the respect associated with the capitalization) and given them critical thought? Is it just me or does anyone else notice that they’ve been pigeon-holed and their works slowly become cookie cutter? In my opinion, it begs the question, do they see their career go down in a blaze of glory or do they see themselves slipping into anonymity and do they realize that the publishing industry and their agents work for them and not the other way around?



It’s not always that simple, either. When I’m writing, I change as a person. I become focused and introspective. I forget details about my daily life because I’m so lost in what I’m putting onto paper. I get cranky with my husband and kids and resent every intrusion or question. It honestly seems like sometimes the kids store up every single question they have until the moment I start to write and then it all comes out of them in a great torrent of unsatisfied curiosity. I don’t want to do anything but write. I deal with a lot of pain in my shoulders and neck and I’ll wait until the pain gets to the point that I can barely move before I’ll take a break from what I’m currently writing. I have an endless round of new ideas go through my head at breakneck pace and I lose most of them but I rationalize it by saying that if I don’t remember it so well, it wasn’t what I wanted to write anyway.



All I can think about when I’m writing is writing and most of what I think about when I’m not writing is writing. I wasn’t kidding earlier when I said that I narrate my entire life in my head. All of it is one great big composition. I’ll even complete it with chapter headings. No joke. I forget to shower and brush my teeth. I get rude with people and then have to seek them later to apologize because I really didn’t mean to snap at them, they just got in the way and they were collateral damage for lack of better phrasing. I’m constantly editing other people’s words and phrases in my head and spell checking without even thinking about it. I’ll correct people when I have no business correcting them and I won’t think about it until later. I become remarkably insensitive and tend to speak my mind without thinking about it but when I’m writing, someone else’s hurt feelings are purely incidental.



It’s not fair to other people and I’m not a nice person when I lose myself in a story but I sure can try to teach people who live with a writer a little bit of what it’s about.



Try not to take it personally when they’re lost in the creative process and take it out on you. It really isn’t your fault and they will remember that soon enough. They’ll go over every little detail they can remember in their head and they will come to you with an honest apology because they’ll realize that it wasn’t your fault they just happened to be swept along in the moment. Their changes in mood will be mercurial in nature. They’ll be angry and despondent for no particular reason that you can think of until they’re done writing. Then they’ll come out of their shell and be more amiable when they’ve finished that sentence, chapter or novel and they can lay that idea to rest. They will realize that you didn’t mean to say the wrong thing (which is anything) at the wrong time and that you were asking a simple question. There was no reason to fly off the handle like they did.



Things will calm down for a little bit and then, when they get restless, you’ll go through the whole cycle over again because that’s who they are and they can’t change it. You might as well get used to it because they are who they are and they’ll understand when you’ve got ideas floating in your head that you can’t get rid of. They’ll help you follow them to their inevitable conclusion because they can relate to the absolute need to get it out. It is in that moment that you’ll have empathetic understanding from them more than any other time.



This seems like an exhaustively long way to say, “Just be patient with them,” but it’s the only thing I can say. I value my husband because he doesn’t tear me up for being who I am. He’s patient with me. When all I can think about is writing, he’s right there with me and he accepts it for what it is. It’s just me being me and this, too, shall pass.



Am I trying to sway people one way or the other when it comes to writing? No. Do what you love and what you feel is right. Follow that rabbit down the rabbit hole until you hit a dead end and then push through it. In reading this, a person could rightfully assume that I’m trying to talk people out of being a writer but that’s not the case. You had the courage to break out of the mold. Finish what you started. Take it and run because there’s no one else who can or should take up your gauntlet for you. You took a sip from that cup and now you must drink the rest. You took the first step down that path and now you’ll have no choice but to walk the rest of the way. Your mind and your heart will not accept any less. I know because I walk that path and I do so because I have no other alternative. I’m not happy with who I am when I try to lay down the writing. I’m sickened when I think of giving up because I joke about it and say that I like sleep and without writing I don’t sleep but the truth is that I am because I write. When I don’t write, I am not.



In retrospect, would I have chosen this path for myself as a young woman or a child? No. Did my creative brain simply break out one day in a way that I would never be able to silence? Yes. Then again, in reading over my own work here, I have to say that perhaps, just perhaps I should count my blessings.

I Support Gay Marriage!!!

This may make some people angry and may even attract some censure from them for me. All to the good because I’m quite frankly not the type of person to get all scared about a little raise of the eyebrows. This is particularly true when I have something important to say. This doesn’t happen terribly often, I’d suggest you pay attention.







Let’s be clear first and foremost, I’m fully a heterosexual female and I’m sure that that will be important to someone who stumbles on this and decides to react with moral outrage. You know who you are. I’m going to tell those among us who are morally outraged by this…Come on here! Seriously??! Is it you who are considering a same sex marriage? Who are you to decide someone else’s happiness for them?



I’m also a woman of faith and I support same sex marriage. I don’t believe that love is ever shameful or wrong, regardless of its form or gender preference. I’ve seen lots of comments and posts on social media talking about how those who support same sex marriage or would seek a same sex marriage are “going against God” or “violating God’s law” and I would like to take the opportunity here and now to tell these people to grow up, step out from behind God and pursue and support your own opinion. Stop passing your beliefs off onto God and stop condemning other people for their beliefs.



Do you know how often I’ve heard the Old Testament of the Bible quoted as regards homosexuality? Yes, there are verses that very explicitly state that it is a moral act of deviation and a crime punishable by death in Leviticus but so is adultery. I’m not going to stop and count how many people I’ve known who look down morally on homosexuality while lying in the bed of their extramarital lover. Look up Leviticus 18:22 for further enlightenment if you choose.







Now with that being said, the Bible also warns of having relations with a woman who is on her cycle. That is unclean according to the same chapter of Leviticus and Leviticus in chapter 19 goes on to say that a person shouldn’t eat any meat with blood in it, shouldn’t wear clothing cut from two different types of cloth (pay attention all you people who wear cotton underwear with an elastic waistband) and you also shouldn’t cut the hair at the sides of your head or clip the edges of your beard. Also, don’t plant a field with two different types of seeds and don’t eat any fruit on a tree for five years after it’s been planted. The first three years are forbidden and the fourth year is a praise offering to the Lord. Anyone with a tattoo is disregarding the law of God according to Leviticus.



You know, Jesus had almost nothing to say about homosexuality. On the other end of the coin, he did have a lot to say about the law and keeping God’s commandments. This includes verses from the Gospel of James that he who keeps the whole law and offends on one point is guilty of all. So it could reasonably be said that Jesus said that a person who breaks even one of God’s laws is guilty of breaking them all. How many of you have told a little “white lie” and are also therefore guilty of breaking all of God’s laws? Did you think about that? Anyone who has lied is no greater or less than the serial killer the government will bury under the prison regardless of the infraction and the number of times they’ve deviated.



I don’t know about anyone else, but I do so love a nice medium rare steak but if I stick to God’s law of the Old Testament, I am unclean and I should have to go through all the rituals to be clean again or I can realize that the whole point of this law was to prevent food borne illness.



You know, every law that God gave to the Israelites of the Old Testament was to serve a purpose and that purpose is very clear. He wanted to preserve a people to carry out the bloodline that would lead to Christ. Ninety percent of the laws handed to Moses from God were about cleanliness and prevention. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, it seems. God didn’t want the Israelites dropping like flies before he could get them to the Promised Land so he set certain rules in place to take care of that. Circumcision prevents infection because the foreskin protects a membrane and keeps it moist. Clothing cut from two types of cloth leads to sweating and bacteria collect where there is moisture leading to the possibility of infection. Infectious disease is passed from person to person by means of physical and sexual contact and this was a time when a person could get an infection and die from a simple scratch. They were in the desert and water was scarce and even if water were to be in ready supply, it would have been unprocessed, unclean and fairly teeming with microorganisms. Anyone who knows anything at all would know exactly how hazardous that would be.







Are we still failing to understand a point? I hope not because it would be exhaustive to have to repeat everything I just said. I would hope that someone has figured out a thing or two during the course of this. For those of you who haven’t and insist that it is God’s absolute law that same sex marriages are wrong:



For the men; make your wife quit her job and wait on you hand and foot. She’ll be miserable so your sex life will suffer, I promise you that. You can no longer use birth control so it doesn’t matter if you are ready to have children or not, procreate to perpetuate the species and work grueling six day work weeks tilling the fields to provide for your family. You are the only person who is allowed to provide for your family, after all and all their accountability is going to fall onto your shoulders. You alone are responsible for the actions of your wife and children, servants and any creature crossing your lands that deviates from what is acceptable. It is your land and you are responsible for it. Start getting ready to make betrothal agreements for your children because by the time they reach the age of twelve, the girls are of a marriageable age and your boy has become a man. He has to have a wife and she must have a husband. While you’re at it, be the first to throw a rock and stone to death the twenty five year old son who has fallen on hard times and lives in your basement right now because he is a wastrel and as for your daughter, if she’s not a virgin on her wedding night, she needs to be stoned to death. And don’t you dare curse at your parents, you should die for it.



For the women; take off your shoes and get into your husband’s kitchen. Spend your days working in the house because that is your place. Don’t practice your suffrage (voting) because you have no say. You exist to do as you are told, marry in accordance with your father’s wishes and please your husband. You have no right to make money and you have no land or wealth. It all belongs to your husband, no exceptions. Quit your job and cover your head. Don’t even think about buying a pair of shoes without his consent and if your husband beats you, you deserved it and it was all your fault. It is your fault if a man is attracted to you or if you get raped. You should have taken better care with yourself and not invited his interest. Don’t speak your opinion because that is forbidden and you need to make absolutely sure you never do anything outside the approval of your husband. Wisdom is a woman and so is adultery so be mindful lest you disgrace your husband or father. Don’t worry about respect because you are property and you are allowed to own nothing. You are a woman and should behave as such. And whatever you do, don’t you dare live with a man outside of marriage because that’s punishable by death.



Or everyone can understand that in the keeping of God’s Mosaic Law (which was the law given to Moses by God) you can’t have it both ways. Jesus spoke about the law stating that people have a choice. You can either follow the Mosaic law and be subject to all the punishments therein or you can follow Christ and remember that his commandments were to love the Lord your God above all things and love each other as He loves us. He also had a lot to say about judgment and condemnation of others. Look up Luke 6:37 if you don’t believe me. Look at the story of the adulterous woman and ask yourself why Jesus would have said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”







Did it occur to anyone that with all the things that the Apostle Paul had to say in his Epistles that he was likely gay? Think about it, the “thorn in his flesh” that he bemoaned to God who told him, “My grace is sufficient for you.” Did it ever occur to anyone that Paul who knew the law well would have been dead set against homosexuality? The laws he lived by were very clear about relations being between a man and a woman and anything else was punishable by death. He would have had very clear ideas about “unnatural relations” and his absolutely staunch condemnation of homosexuality can lead a person to believe that he was in fact gay. He hated himself for the “thorn in his flesh” and that means that he would have “fallen off the wagon” from time to time in a manner of speaking. If he was gay, he would have had male lovers and that would have made him hate himself because he had had sex with a man and because he couldn’t help himself. He would not have realized the genetic nature of his feelings and would have tried to reject them. Reading some of the extra letters that passed between he and his friends, I can pretty cleanly establish who his lover or “intimate friend” would have been.



I don’t know about anyone else, but it seems to me that when compared to the time frame and the reasoning behind and for the Law coupled with the idea that Jesus had nothing whatsoever to say about same sex marriage or relationships leads me to conclude that trying to reference the Bible and the Mosaic Law as regards your moral outrage at same sex marriage is contraindicative to the very idea of the purpose of the law. Step outside of your religion and face faith. Stop whining about what makes other people happy and concentrate on your own happiness and prosperity. That part is within your power. Stop pointing the finger at someone else in an attempt to mask your feelings of moral inferiority and realize that you’re pointing the finger at them to take the focus off of you. Grow up and get real and love everyone and the rest will take care of itself.







People have the right to make their own choices and forge their own way in life regardless of what you think or how you feel. If you don’t like the idea of gay marriage, don’t get one. It’s just that simple. It’s not fair to go around trying to tell other people how to live their lives and the Mosaic Law is a flimsy excuse for your opinions. Don’t rely on the Law for a few things and disregard the few little things you’re not looking at or the few little laws you aren’t following and then excuse yourself by using Jesus or the Bible. If your sins are covered by the Blood of the Lamb, so are everyone else’s and you have no right to stand in judgment on them or anyone else. Think about it…



As far as I’m concerned, I stand and advocate for same sex marriage because everyone has the right to be happy and if a man’s boyfriend or a woman’s girlfriend makes them happy, loves them and treats them with respect, that is quite fine by me and I wish them all the happiness that their lives together can afford.

I'm Still Here!

I just thought everyone would like to know that I'm still here and coming up with more profound pearls of wisdom that I'll post sooner or later...



Okay, fine. So I'm just "still here" right now. Isn't that good enough?



Back to my rewrite!

The Case for Cannabis Part Two

I’m a thirty two year old married mother of six and mom to whatever children walk through my front door. That’s the way I feel and how I am and I’ve stumbled upon some quieter legislation via the faithful internet that I feel deserves some notice. Let me be perfectly blunt, I am an outspoken advocate for marijuana legalization. I’m sober and I’m smart and I’ll let anyone know right now that if they don’t see job creation and dollar signs among the hype, they need to rub the sleep out of their eyes and check again.



You see, for me it’s not a matter of whether I want to have the legal right to get stoned in the privacy of my own home. For me, the potential for money and jobs to come out of nowhere and restart a stumbled economy is too big a fish to just drop back into the lake. Maybe lawmakers just needed to be squeezed tightly enough but things they weren’t even considering before have now come under serious consideration and debate, like the legalization of cannabis on a federal level.

Let me be the first to introduce you to House Resolution 499: The Ending Marijuana Prohibition Act of 2013 if you haven’t been acquainted before. There’s a lot of legal wording going on in the written act itself but it roughly boils down to this: It would remove marijuana from the Controlled Substances Act, transfer the Drug Enforcement Administration’s authority to regulate marijuana to a newly renamed Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Marijuana and Firearms, require commercial marijuana producers to purchase a permit, and ensure that federal law distinguishes between individuals who grow marijuana for personal use and those involved in commercial sale and distribution.

Now, I don’t know about anyone else but insofar as I’m given to understand, this qualifies as the United States government beginning to fold over what has been a costly and ineffective war on a relatively benign drug because this would leave marijuana no longer criminal on a federal level. Does anyone besides me also see the potential for money making and job creation in this? That doesn’t include the decriminalization and release of nonviolent convicts and offenders from a strained prison system where their housing is costing taxpayers in the billions of dollars a year.

Let’s examine first the potential for money making in this because it is a hot ticket issue. Right now as it sits, the American economy is in shambles and is balanced precariously on the edge of a cliff. Just one misstep would not only be unwise, it would be fiscally suicidal. The commercial distribution of marijuana may not be able to fix the whole problem but it surely can put a big, heavy dent in the looming and ever present debt crisis and if the income from sales were managed wisely, begin to pull our nation out of debt. In explanation of this, I offer you two words: TAX REVENUE.



At present, Americans are taxed heavily on everyday items and taxed even more heavily under what many refer to as a “sin tax.” This includes tobacco, lottery tickets and alcohol. The cost of actually manufacturing these things is miniscule by comparison to the money charged at the check out counter after taxes have been added into the mix. Americans are even heavily taxed for gas to drive their cars. Did you know that the cost to manufacture a pack of cigarettes amounts to roughly thirty five cents? The rest of the money that smokers pay to purchase that pack comes in taxes and fees. The Master Settlement Agreement, state tax stamps and taxes added by the federal government for health care and schools make up the rest of the cost and the distributor and retailer make little profit off of tobacco sales.

The bottle of liquor you just bought the other night probably cost you no less than ten or fifteen dollars and that’s for lower shelf liquor, what people commonly refer to as “rot gut.” At cost, it is roughly half of what you actually pay. Once again, we come around to the taxes added to that bottle of liquor and the cost of cessation programs in the event raging alcoholics want to put down the bottle.

Let’s play a little devil’s advocate, shall we? At present, tobacco manufacturers already have the facilities necessary to manufacture and distribute cannabis as a commercial product. Should the federal government and then state governments successively get on board and allow commercial distribution nationwide, the potential for federal tax revenue can be conservatively estimated at tens of billions and even hundreds of billions of dollars the first year. And yes, I said billions, my friends. You know, where there are nine zero’s and then the bigger numbers start coming into play?

Want some hard numbers here? I’m game; let’s toss them out there. Let’s take a number out of the blue and say that it might cost a little more to manufacture a pack of joints. We’ll be safe and estimate seventy five cents per pack and that’s just an initial manufacturing cost. That will pay the workers that had to be hired and their employers’ cost for their benefits as well as the cost for opening new facilities that would be used for storage and manufacturing. Are we starting to see the potential for job creation yet? But I digress.

As far as a marketing trend, years of hard experience in the retail industry have shown me that you can put pretty much any price on something that is wanted badly enough and people will pay it. That would be the law of supply and demand. So let’s just say that for the sake of argument, the federal and state governments start pulling silly little taxes out of the blue and from off the tops of their heads and add those onto the cost of manufacturing. Let’s also estimate that those taxes and fees coupled with the manufacturing and distribution costs add up to roughly thirty dollars per pack. After you add in the Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price (MSRP) you’ve reached about thirty five dollars a pack.

Now, at present there are approximately two ounces of tobacco in a regular pack of cigarettes. Two ounces of marijuana on the black market is going to cost you about one hundred and fifty dollars. With that being said, at thirty five dollars a pack retail even with all the taxes and fees, you’ve still undercut the prices of the black market by over a hundred dollars. That’s a big savings and a hefty chuck of change, if you ask me.

Let’s also say that out of the three hundred and fifty million or so Americans (conservative estimate, everyone), roughly seventy percent of them are of a majority age. That is, old enough to buy alcohol. Out of those aged twenty one or older, we’re going to toss a number out there and say that about seventy five percent of them will be what we’ll call “first pack purchasers.” These are the people who have no intention whatsoever of actually smoking any weed, they’ll just buy a pack because they can for the first time in seventy years. This being established, if you crunch the numbers, that’s 183,750,000 “first pack purchasers.” Now, squish that number into the taxes and fees that add up to the cost of a pack we projected earlier and you come up with $5,512,500,000 dollars in tax revenue. That’s just from “first pack purchasers” ladies and gents. That doesn’t include people who are going to continue to buy above and beyond the first pack.



Now, let’s talk about those who buy more. If you’re reading this with reddened eyes and know the numbers but can’t quite finish a sentence, this one’s for you. Now before you go getting all offended over that, I want to give this group of people kudos for being the group of people who will manage to kick start a stagnant economy. This is no mean feat everyone and it deserves our respect. That being said, let’s examine their numbers, shall we?

Let’s assume just for the sake of argument and yes, we’re going to limit their ability to chief like a champion and estimate that they buy two packs a month. Now, some people are going to giggle at this and call me an amateur and some are going to flat out laugh. We’re also going to estimate that of the “first pack purchasers” about seventy five percent will continue to buy. This is the number that’s hard to nail down ladies and gentlemen, because as their tolerance goes up, so also do their purchases proportionately. On the other side of the argument, some people will be able to make a pack last awhile and while they continue to buy, it won’t be but a few times a year. I’m just going to estimate an average of two packs a month at seventy five percent of the first pack purchasers. Here we go.

Crunching the numbers there, you come up with 137,812,500 continuous buyers at an average of two packs a month for eleven months. When you do a little addition, multiplication and some other annoying math, you come up with this figure $90,956,250,000 which is a conservative estimate. That last number there is the potential federal and state tax revenue for first year sales. I didn’t even bother to add in that extra pack for the first month.

I’m also not taking into account the potential for income taxes relating to job creation here. I’m not even going to bother to actually break down those numbers as relates specifically to state by state job creation. That’ll make my brain hurt. Let’s just say that the nation would need workers across the board for aid in planting, growing, harvesting, production and manufacturing, distribution and sales and let’s not leave out quality control. As far as the sales and quality control are concerned, hey you connoisseurs of cannabis, you will have found your niche and your dream job all in one fell swoop. Need I say more?

I also haven’t analyzed potential pharmaceutical applications either. It has long been an accepted notion among doctors in several medical fields that THC, the active compound in marijuana, is a miracle drug that aids in everything from pain relief to the alleviation of a variety of symptoms associated with mental illness, social disorders and terminal illness. Am I saying that it’s going to get rid of all of our problems as a nation? No. What I want for you to consider is that the ability to prescribe even a low dose pill with an active ingredient compound at no more than about five percent with carefully monitored intake has enormous potential to make people feel better. The more severe the symptoms, the higher the recommended dose and the more carefully it should be monitored by your doctor. I’m still not seeing a downside to this part.

All justifications aside ladies and gentlemen, I do believe that marijuana has enormous potential on the open market. Legalizing it has to be something that everyone considers not just for the idea that you’ll legally be allowed to get stoned but that there are mind boggling implications for money and jobs but mainly the money. Do I believe that legalizing marijuana will solve all of the nations’ money woes? No, but I do think that it’ll go a long way toward making a big dang dent in that deficit everyone is worried about.

My proposal? It’s quite simple. Legalize marijuana and police it the same way alcohol is policed. A person must be of a certain age, I think twenty one is acceptable, to legally purchase and consume it with an emphasis on “safe possession” laws. By these I mean roughly the same idea, okay exactly the same idea as laws pertaining to safe possession of alcohol. A person should be under penalty of law should they choose to try to operate a motor vehicle while intoxicated or if there are opened alcohol containers accessible to the driver and I believe it should be no different with marijuana.



Enjoy responsibly, ladies and gentlemen. Just like you do with alcohol, take it home and partake in the privacy of your own home or go to a friends house, give up your keys and crash on their couch. Planning on going out on the town to partake? Take a cab home or designate a driver. Designated drivers are absolutely awesome. Are you worried about a contact high? I have three words for you: Well Ventilated Area. You wouldn’t paint your living room with the windows shut and the house closed off tight, would you?

In the end, think about the lives of others and your own before doing something so rash, reckless and terminally stupid as catching a buzz and then driving. Think about the money making implications and the potential job creation in a rough economy and finally, think about the best interests of the nation as a whole. We need to do something to bring in cash flow while adding jobs and not raising taxes. Legalizing marijuana is the solution to the looming problem and the applications and implications are too enormous to ignore. I haven’t even touched on all the potential benefits of legalizing cannabis in this. I just wanted to concentrate on the big fish swimming in the pond.

Don’t reject my words out of hand, consider them carefully. And another thing for those of you who plan on rocking the vote when you get the chance to speak your piece. Do those of us who are sober and still advocating legalization a favor and wait to spark that doobie or fire up that bowl until after you’ve had a chance to put your two cents in and cast your vote. We don’t need a bunch of people blazed up at the voting booth trying to decide if they can draw a straight line or hit the right button long enough to vote in favor of legalization. We also don’t need anyone so blazed up that they can’t quite figure out how to fill in the right bubble and if you’re giggling over the word “bubble” right now, you might be one of those people. That won’t help our case any, now will it?

The War on Drugs is not cost effective and is an unqualified failure when it comes to marijuana. Legislators have to get in line with this idea and many of them already have. It’s just a matter of time before marijuana is legal again. I’m waiting on the edge of my seat. Are you?

And now, a helpful link for those who see my point of view and would seek to cast their lot with those of us who endorse marijuana legalization. Go here and give a shout to your lawmakers. You can't go wrong giving your opinion.