How to Survive a Moochie Hug
How to Survive a Moochie Hug
One: Hold your head up. When the air leaves your lungs, it's very important that there be a route by which it can return. Otherwise, you might become seriously dead. If you are not tall enough to breathe from the top, try for a spot under her arm.
Two: Reach around her as far as you can and squeeze with all your might. This helps to tighten your muscles and rib cage, preparing them for the expected assault. If you fail to do this in time, then it's important that you completely relax your muscles and go limp. That way she'll think you fainted and let up.
Three: Do not try to keep your feet on the floor unless you are over six feet tall. It will be impossible and will waste energy which might be needed later. Just be aware of where your feet are at all times so that when she lets go, you'll be able to catch yourself. It's best if your feet touch down shoulder width apart. It will give you more stability.
Four: When you land it's important to suck in as much air as possible to replace that which has been squeezed out.
Five: Immediately look around for something or someone to grab onto. It is possible that you will be disorientated, dizzy or just plain stupified. It will hurt if you fall face down on the floor.
Six: It might help if you have something to sip on while you recover: sweet tea, a Coca Cola or a Bud Light, my favorite.
Seven: Also, recite the Twenty-third Psalm, but not if you're having my favorite above. That wouldn't be respectful and things might backfire on you.
If you do all of the above, I'm pretty sure that you will survive, but not certain. So keep your bone doctor's number handy.
It's been said that a hug by my sweet Moochie can cure anything. I don't believe that because a friend of mine got a hug when he had foot fungus and he's still got it.
Anyhow, if you follow my instructions and are lucky you can proudly say: I SURVIVED A MOOCHIE HUG!
P.S. This is to be given to anyone who buys a Moochie T-shirt or does not have a written will.
P.P.S. I like to kid my Moochie about her hugs. Really, she's the most gentle person you'd ever want to meet. She would never hurt anyone, unless, of course, she's real angry or overly excited.
Read Moochie's Place
One: Hold your head up. When the air leaves your lungs, it's very important that there be a route by which it can return. Otherwise, you might become seriously dead. If you are not tall enough to breathe from the top, try for a spot under her arm.
Two: Reach around her as far as you can and squeeze with all your might. This helps to tighten your muscles and rib cage, preparing them for the expected assault. If you fail to do this in time, then it's important that you completely relax your muscles and go limp. That way she'll think you fainted and let up.
Three: Do not try to keep your feet on the floor unless you are over six feet tall. It will be impossible and will waste energy which might be needed later. Just be aware of where your feet are at all times so that when she lets go, you'll be able to catch yourself. It's best if your feet touch down shoulder width apart. It will give you more stability.
Four: When you land it's important to suck in as much air as possible to replace that which has been squeezed out.
Five: Immediately look around for something or someone to grab onto. It is possible that you will be disorientated, dizzy or just plain stupified. It will hurt if you fall face down on the floor.
Six: It might help if you have something to sip on while you recover: sweet tea, a Coca Cola or a Bud Light, my favorite.
Seven: Also, recite the Twenty-third Psalm, but not if you're having my favorite above. That wouldn't be respectful and things might backfire on you.
If you do all of the above, I'm pretty sure that you will survive, but not certain. So keep your bone doctor's number handy.
It's been said that a hug by my sweet Moochie can cure anything. I don't believe that because a friend of mine got a hug when he had foot fungus and he's still got it.
Anyhow, if you follow my instructions and are lucky you can proudly say: I SURVIVED A MOOCHIE HUG!
P.S. This is to be given to anyone who buys a Moochie T-shirt or does not have a written will.
P.P.S. I like to kid my Moochie about her hugs. Really, she's the most gentle person you'd ever want to meet. She would never hurt anyone, unless, of course, she's real angry or overly excited.
Read Moochie's Place
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