The Kindness Project: Gird Your Loins
Too often kindness is relegated to a random act performed only when we’re feeling good. But an even greater kindness (to ourselves and others) occurs when we reach out even when we aren't feeling entirely whole. It’s not easy, and no one is perfect. But we’ve decided it’s not impossible to brighten the world one smile, one kind word, one blog post at a time. To that end, a few of us writers have established The Kindness Project, starting with a series of inspirational posts. We post the second Wednesday of every month.
Now, let's gird.
Would you like to know one of the most common conversations I have with parents who come to me for help with their children?
It goes something like this:
Me: Wow. This is all so stressful for you. You're working really hard right now. What are you doing to take care of yourself?
Parent: My kid is my first priority. I need to make sure he's okay first, then I'll worry about myself.
Me: One moment, please. I need to find my soapbox. It's in here somewhere. *rummages behind desk*
Ever been on an airplane? Do you listen to the flight attendant? The part about the oxygen mask? If you're sitting next to a child or someone who needs assistance, you're supposed to put on your own mask FIRST, and then help the other person.
Why?
Because if you don't, you might lose your ability to help because you didn't care for yourself.
We are humans. We aren't limitless. At some point, we run out of gas. Whether it's as a parent, a partner, a friend, whatever, without self-care, it's going to be a FAIL.
In other words, you must be kind to yourself. However you feel it. Be gentle. I'm not saying to let yourself off the hook, to lower your standards, but I am saying that if you want to keep your emotional reserves full enough to have something left for others, you should maybe be willing to forgive yourself when you mess up. If you want to have the energy to reach out ... and to keep reaching out ... and to give the best of yourself instead of the burned-out leftovers, you've got to treat yourSELF as a precious resource. Bottomless? No. Renewable? YES.
I could say a lot more about this. I work in a high burn-out field, and I've seen talented, generous clinicians get totally fried and leave the field because it just ate them up, because they gave and gave and gave until they had nothing left. I've also seen similarly gifted professionals thrive and have decades-long careers. One of the differences between these two groups is self-care. The latter individuals set the boundaries around themselves and worked within them, took time away from the work to nurture themselves, and asked for help when they needed it.
It's not a question of whether you deserve it. Or whether you have time for it. It's a matter of necessity. If you want to have the energy to do great things, KIND things, generous and beautiful things that make our community better, that brighten others' lives and help them to persist, to have hope, to pass along that kindness to those who need it ... be kind to yourself.
Me: *steps off soapbox*
Parent: *stares*
(note: you know I'm not just talking about parenting, right?)
Here are the other fantastic folks posting for The Kindness Project today:
Now, let's gird.
Would you like to know one of the most common conversations I have with parents who come to me for help with their children?
It goes something like this:
Me: Wow. This is all so stressful for you. You're working really hard right now. What are you doing to take care of yourself?
Parent: My kid is my first priority. I need to make sure he's okay first, then I'll worry about myself.
Me: One moment, please. I need to find my soapbox. It's in here somewhere. *rummages behind desk*
Ever been on an airplane? Do you listen to the flight attendant? The part about the oxygen mask? If you're sitting next to a child or someone who needs assistance, you're supposed to put on your own mask FIRST, and then help the other person.
Why?
Because if you don't, you might lose your ability to help because you didn't care for yourself.
We are humans. We aren't limitless. At some point, we run out of gas. Whether it's as a parent, a partner, a friend, whatever, without self-care, it's going to be a FAIL.
In other words, you must be kind to yourself. However you feel it. Be gentle. I'm not saying to let yourself off the hook, to lower your standards, but I am saying that if you want to keep your emotional reserves full enough to have something left for others, you should maybe be willing to forgive yourself when you mess up. If you want to have the energy to reach out ... and to keep reaching out ... and to give the best of yourself instead of the burned-out leftovers, you've got to treat yourSELF as a precious resource. Bottomless? No. Renewable? YES.
I could say a lot more about this. I work in a high burn-out field, and I've seen talented, generous clinicians get totally fried and leave the field because it just ate them up, because they gave and gave and gave until they had nothing left. I've also seen similarly gifted professionals thrive and have decades-long careers. One of the differences between these two groups is self-care. The latter individuals set the boundaries around themselves and worked within them, took time away from the work to nurture themselves, and asked for help when they needed it.
It's not a question of whether you deserve it. Or whether you have time for it. It's a matter of necessity. If you want to have the energy to do great things, KIND things, generous and beautiful things that make our community better, that brighten others' lives and help them to persist, to have hope, to pass along that kindness to those who need it ... be kind to yourself.
Me: *steps off soapbox*
Parent: *stares*
(note: you know I'm not just talking about parenting, right?)
Here are the other fantastic folks posting for The Kindness Project today:
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