Chasing Skylab

In loving memory of D.P.D.
9/5/1956 – 4/4/2026

All I recall of that long-ago night
Is an open field,
And darkness,
And stars in the darkness.

I remember Doug and Daddy
In the dark.
We were watching for Skylab.

Were we there a long time?
I don’t know.
Was it cold that night?
I don’t remember.
Was it a school night?
I don’t recall.

But something special was happening,
Something amazing,
Something rare,
And Doug was excited,
And Daddy was excited,
And I was excited
Because I was there
With Doug and Daddy and the dark night,
Watching,
Watching,
Watching for Skylab.

When it came,
When it finally came, it was Christmas mornings
And birthdays
And trips to McDonald’s
All rolled into one.
Doug and Daddy shouted and cheered and pointed skyward—
At Skylab.

I stood watching them
Watching what seemed no more
Than a bright point of light
Traveling fast across a dark sky.
Doug and Daddy were elated.
I was unimpressed.

I expected something big, something showy.
A spaceship.
A floating house.
Something akin to a carnival
Flying past in the night.
Still, I was excited
Because they were excited,
But I was in the darkAbout why they were excited.

Later—
Days or months or years,
I can’t recall—
Skylab fell.

I vaguely remember Doug and Daddy discussing it—
The science. The success.
The failures. The future—
Their elation subdued,
But their fire not extinguished.
Watching them,
I wondered anew
Why Skylab was so special.

Why do I recall
That dark and disappointing night?
A night vivid yet hazy
In my head,
Its images scattered
Like stars in a midnight sky.

Decades later,
I know,
I see
Why that night lives on in my heart.

It was never Skylab.

It was Doug.

I was there because of Doug.
That night holds
The essence of Doug in my little girl mind—
Doug the rockhound.
Doug the space nut.
Doug the brother I loved
More than anyone else in the world.

Doug was always looking
Ever upward,
Ever outward,
Ever searching,
Ever needing to know
The universe wide.
Like Skylab.

I cared little
About that lab in the sky
Or what it sought to know
About the universe.

My universe
Was my brother, and I too
Looked ever upward,
Ever outward,
Ever searching for his approval.
Ever needing him near.

His smile was my Skylab.

For years,
I tried to be like him.
For years,
I sought to love science,
To see the world
The way he saw it—
But I could not.
His Skylab wasn’t mine to chase.

The years between us and the years that passed
Carved a chasm
That expanded like the universe itself.
Our lives came to orbit
Separate suns,
And I have long since found
My own Skylab to chase.

Yet those years that passed,
The miles that stretched between us,
Could not lessen the longing
In my little girl heart.
Some part of me still sought
His attention,
His approval,
The Skylab of his smile.

Tonight,
I search the sky
Through a haze of heartache.
Tonight,
I watch, hoping to see
A light traveling fast
Across a starry sky.
Yet the sky remains dark.

My Skylab has slipped
Silent and unseen
From its orbit.
Still,
Though the sky stays dark above,
Somewhere beyond my sight,
He is out there soaring,

Ever upward,
Ever outward.