#metoo and she was only three

November 22, 2025 mimi

Author’s Note: I wrote this blogpost in March of 2025. I didn’t post it because it felt too raw and personal at the time to post. I didn’t think I’d be able to deal with any comments that anyone left. It’s now been a lot of time. I still think about this whole thing quite a bit. It still hurts. But I’m also doing way better now. Now that I’m in a better headspace, I want to share in case others are going through similar things. There is power in community and I want to acknowledge that. I also want to be part of the healing community. I’m sharing exactly as I wrote it in March when my feelings were raw. Please be gentle/supportive in the comments with me and with anyone who writes. 

“As a community, we create a lot of space for fighting and pushing back, but not enough for connecting and healing.” -Tarana Burke, founder of the #metoo movement

In July of last year I moved into a new ward with a strong prayer in my heart that I would find community in the new ward. Miraculously, I found community that I hadn’t felt at church for years. It felt beautiful.

On February 2nd, we had a family from our ward over for dessert and had a great time. On February 6th, one of the teenagers in the household disclosed that he had pulled down my then three year old daughter’s pants and touched her labia while they were at our house. 

In other words, my baby girl was sexually assaulted in my own house by a member of the community that I had really grown to love.

The past month has been full of appointments with the pediatrician, phone calls with the Department of Human Services, phone calls trying to find therapists for my family, email exchanges with the bishop to discuss his plans for ensuring safety and our plans to leave the ward, correspondence with the new bishop to tell him why we’re coming, text messages from friends who are supportive, phone calls with loved ones. And lots and lots of tears. Lots of tears. 

The thing is that my little one is probably fine. The pediatrician said it’s likely she might not even know what happened given that we wipe her when she goes to the bathroom and she still wears a diaper at night. We had her fourth birthday party last week and it was beautiful to celebrate her and see her joy and happiness.

But just because she seems fine and likely doesn’t know what happened does not mean we don’t know what happened. 

It doesn’t mean I don’t feel violated. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel hurt. It doesn’t mean I don’t worry on a whole new level how to keep my kids safe. 

It does mean that I am forever changed. It does mean that I am going to have a hard time trusting again. It does mean that my heart has no interest in finding community in the ward that we’re having our records transferred to.

Because the perpetrator was a minor, we are hoping to keep his identity private. That means that we told our older kids some of the details, but not all of them. They know that a person from our ward pulled down their little sister’s pants and touched her labia. They don’t know any more details than that. 

But that’s enough to shake them. That’s enough to make them cry. That’s enough to make them scared to go to church (even in our new ward in a new building).

My 11 year old has another year of primary left, but will be leaving primary now in favor of using the “buddy system” and will attend Young Women’s with her sister. I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand, I don’t want to force her to grow up sooner than she needs to. But on the other hand, she’s being forced to grow up sooner than she needs to because of what happened to our family. I’d rather let her feel empowered to make a choice about what she wants to do to feel safe (even if it means breaking a norm or a rule) than tell her she has to follow said norms or rules. This is a life lesson that I hope she takes with her. Perhaps a silver lining to this whole awful situation.

My 13 year old is a social kid. She’s already asked if that particular family can come over again (reminder: we did not tell her who did it because we’re trying to protect the minor’s privacy). We sidestepped the issue. But she’s going to be confused at our sudden strictness in certain areas. I will be very vigilant in what I allow that kid to do moving forward.

We probably won’t allow the (now) 4 year old to go to primary alone for years to come. She’s so shy and doesn’t talk to people. We worry this makes her more vulnerable as outsiders may think she doesn’t know how to communicate. I don’t want anyone else taking advantage of her. 

My husband and I haven’t had sex since this happened. I have no interest in engaging in something that can also be used as a weapon. 

I finally found a therapist to help me verbally process this whole mess. 

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Photo by Alex Plesovskich on Unsplash