Yet another weird ad for my novels
I typically lift at a bro-heavy gym. I’m pretty meticulous about maintaining my physique, so they don’t bat an eye when I’m doing my thing. Due to the fact that I can put up decent weight, they assume I yell sports’ star names when I throw wadded paper into the trash can, or chant “USA, USA!” when something explodes.
Little do they know—I look like a meathead, but that’s as far as it goes.
Case in point: I’m watching my favorite new addiction while I’m blasting out reps. That’s right—Kpop Demon Hunters. And I am INTO it. As Jinu sacrifices himself to save Rumi, I start arguing with my phone screen. “No, you IDIOT, there’s another way to keep them alive, you don’t have to—”
“Why are you shouting?” A douche-bro with muscled straining man-teats (made ten times worse by the fact that he’s wearing a spaghetti-strap tank top), walks up and peers into my phone. “What the—” He straightens in shock, cups his mouth, and yells at the rest of the gym while pointing at my face. “HE REFUSES TO CONFORM TO OUR INSECURITY-DRIVEN TASTES—HE’S WATCHING GODDAMN KPOP DEMON HUNTERS!!!”
Cries of outrage erupt from the bros. “I HATE HIM!” And: “HIS DICK IS PROBABLY BIGGER THAN ALL OF OURS COMBINED!” Followed by: “UNDOUBTEDLY!” And: “I WOULD BET MY LIFE ON IT!” It culminates in a howl of bone-quaking rage, then they all sprint toward me with murder in their eyes.
Holy. SHIT. I am seconds away from being torn to shreds.
No options left. So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
An interdimensional portal appears in the middle of the gym. The douche-bros’ hot-ass moms pour from its center, and immediately begin chastising them. Their names throw me for a goddamn loop—it sounds like a list of Ivy-league roofie-slingers. I’m talking Daxtons, Hunters, Codys, Jaggers, Baylors, Zaydens, Sawyers…(As far as the normal ones, I’m guessing they’re horrendously misspelled—since when did it become fashionable to name your kid Qris, Zaquiri, Ty-lor, or S5imon? I mean, what in the FUCK?)
A mom flings an arm at me and screams, “Don’t you know who this is??? It’s 2025’s top-rated Man Whore!”
I rub the back of my neck and hiss through my teeth. “I mean…”
“Oh hush.” She flaps a dismissive hand at me. “Take off your clothes—lemme get to work on that top-tier womb-hammer.”
Her son (I forgot his name—I think it’s Jaxsynn, $eth, or maybe Johnorea) shoots her a look of abject horror. “Mom!”
One of the other moms adds, “And sing ‘Soda Pop’ while you’re widening our vajeens.”
“No!” The douche-bros’ drop to their knees and clutch the air with their hands. “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
I clap my hands and rub them briskly together, smiling like the cat that got the mothafuckin’ cream.
OH yeah! HEH heh heh! Kent Wayne wins again!
Are insecurity-driven douche-bros persecuting you for grooving to a banger from Ejae, Rei-Ami, or Audrey Nuna? Never fear! Buy my books, magically summon their horny-ass moms, and lay that pipe while you cum to their tears!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
