Between Utility and Aesthetics, Of Struggles and Privilege

On the Thrill of Secrecy, of Love and... Overthinking and the Triple A formula

Between Utility and Aesthetics, Of Struggles and Privilege

Dear Reader,

This morning I was surprised to find that I have become this person who mixes up the cappuccino in the cup and destroys the art on the whipped foam, just because it tastes better that way instead of letting the foam touch your lips.

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I didn’t keep that small piece of art intact as I took sips from my cup, and that’s so not me.

But this is probably how growing up and taking responsibility of your life feels. You tend to focus on utility and convenience and you would rather have your coffee tasting good than looking good.

A life that feels good instead of a life that only looks good - I saw a quote similar to this phrase sometime ago on IG.

Or maybe, I am just turning into my parents.

One day you are in your hostel without caring about changing your bedsheets and letting that crumpled paper be on the floor as if that’s its designated place, and the next day you are all grown up dusting the decorative items on the shelf, and wiping all surfaces clean. Who is this woman?

Don’t get me wrong. I love this part of me. Because I feel like a grown up and it tells me that despite all the changes I have made in my life, change is still possible, in small things, and maybe even in the big ones.

I have meticulously designed my life as it is. My happiness is not an accident. My fulfillment is not luck. And at times when I have been lucky, that’s created too by what they say “increasing the luck surface area,” with mindset coaching and healing.

As I enjoy my breakfast of French toast with Cream cheese and Raspberry filling, an awareness comes to me like a breeze - it’s an acknowledgement of both my struggles and my privilege.

My struggles remind me that I have worked hard my entire life to live a soft life today where my only concern is what’s my next meal is going to be. From writing and tutoring for pocket money at the age of 18, to handling multiple careers while also excelling from a Top B school in India, my friends probably get a shock if they saw me now lying on my sofa doing nothing.

My privilege is that I don’t have to send money home and so I do not have to accumulate heaps of money and not know what to do with it. And I say this because I know a lot of people do.

In fact, the day I resigned from my job was not because of my struggles but because of my privilege. I would have continued working my job and writing on the side and counseling people on the side. Nothing in my body and nervous system is alien to the concept of hustling.

But resting was a new concept. Letting things be was a foreign idea introduced to my body and my nervous system.

I quit because I acknowledged my privilege. I didn’t have to send money home, and I didn’t have to take care of a toddler, and I didn’t have a husband who relies on my income for his expenses. And more than that, I also had skills beyond my job. So I quit. And when they asked me, in private, I said- if not me, then who?

I write this so that in times of your despair when you acknowledge all your past struggles and hustles, you also take a moment to acknowledge your privilege - no matter what that is, no matter how big or small that feels. And take decisions from a place of hope rather than fear, of strength rather than victimhood.

Sometimes our privilege can also be something simple as being born in the right generation because at present, it is okay for women to live by themselves and earn for themselves and wear whatever they want to and travel wherever they can.

Sometimes our privilege is our parents being able to afford education for us. There are unfortunate families that can’t.

Sometimes our privilege is the gifts we were born with - it could be a talent for fast reading or painting or writing or differentiating one musical instrument from the other or even a psychic ability you do not tell anyone about.

Sometimes that simple acknowledgement can make us happy.

Life is short. Not everything can be about increasing your business revenue or utilizing your potential.

And as we grow up and keep focusing more on utility than aesthetic, I hope we keep that child in us alive. The child that dreams. The child for whom, stakeholder value and economy meant nothing. The child whose life feels good the moment he can look at the clouds or count the stars.

That child still wants a life that feels good rather than a life that looks good. Utilitarian or Aesthetic or Both - that’s for him to decide.

And I hope your inner child chooses well.

Love,

Sanhita

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