Yet another weird ad for my novels
As I plop down in front of my laptop, I clap my hands and rub em together. Guess what time it is? It’s JERKIN’ TIME!!!
Here we go. Myfriendshotmom dot com, milfaf, cougarsontheprowl…how many tabs? ALL THE TABS! How many windows? ALL THE WINDOWS!
Foul-smelling smoke drifts up from my screen. That’s how I know it’s good and ready.
In a matter of seconds, sperm is flying through my condo, plastering the walls and regrouting the tiles. After my eighth or ninth blast, I notice something weird—the women in my videos…they’re pregnant? I start shutting windows as fast as I can, sweating buckets as I work the shaft and cradle the balls. What the fuck IS this? I didn’t put pregnancy in the goddamn search engi—
“HO HO HO!” Satan materializes behind me. “You think you can procrastinate on your writing and jerk off to milfs? WITNESS THE FRUITS OF YOUR MILF-BORN INIQUITY!”
Right as he vanishes, the women on screen start to give birth. Man Child babies, all spawned from Man Child Prime (that would be me) begin shooting out of their burgeoning cooters. My laptop tips over and starts fritzing with lightning. Holy shit—their babies ARE CRAWLING OUT OF THE SCREEN!
They immediately spout poop and noxious-ass vomit. Good God, is this what it’s like to deal with a miniature me? One of them charges right at my balls, galloping on all fours and gnashing its teeth. Right as it leaps at me and howls like a demon—RRRRRRRAAAHHH—I pivot sideways and slap it away, causing it to spin in the air and crash into a lamp.
“This was your HOME!” I heft my sack and look in its eyes, struggling to hold back tears of disbelief. “Why would you try to crush your own HOME???”
In response, it snarls and hisses. There’s nothing there—just an overwhelming desire to defile and destroy. Fuck it, no options left. So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
I can feel it in my gut—a ghost-pepper burrito. I scan the horde of mini-Kents, gritting my teeth and flexing my ass. “You asked for it. Here it comes, you mindless little fucks.”
BEEEEOOOORRRRRRRRR
If this were a contest between me and Gimli (when he’s blowing the big-ass horn at Helm’s Deep), he’d stop mid-blow, regard me with astonishment, and whisper, “By all that is holy upon Middle Earth.” My death-fart expands into a baleful green mist. Wherever it lands, paint peels and wood rots. The effect on their flesh is just as horrific—mini-Kents flail and scream in agony. The ones on the ceiling drop to the floor, writhing in pain and cursing up a storm. The ones in the walls bust out and clutch their throats, gurgling and spitting as they try to catch their breath. Pretty soon, they’re reduced to puddles of bubbling flesh.
Christ. I know that’s not indicative of everyone’s kids. But when it comes to yours truly, a consummate man-child and award winning Man Whore…
Yeah. It’s better to just stick to writing fiction.
Has Satan given you a reminder that you need to quit jerking it and get back to writing? Never fear! Buy my books, tap their reality-bending powers, and destroy Satan’s spawn with a city-killing fart!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! [image error][image error] [image error] #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
