Seeking Courage

(narrated by Nimue, journaled by James)

This year has had me thinking a lot about how to cultivate courage as a virtue. A number of things have helped me with this, and I thought I’d share some of them.

One is a song by Villagers called Courage. I recommend looking it up. I first heard this back in the spring when I was mostly just lying in bed being ill. It struck me and continues to feel relevant. The song makes three points that seemed important to me. Courage as harmony with something beyond the ego, the idea of knowing that nothing comes for free, and the idea of it depending on making mistakes. These are all interesting to contemplate. When it comes to mistakes, it’s a circular relationship. It takes courage to give yourself permission to mess up. At the same time, what we learn when we mess up might help us develop courage. I think that works for me, and would be interested to know how others relate to the idea.

From Robin Ince, I learned the idea of confident vulnerability. This is a wonderful notion about being unashamedly yourself and being able to express the more complicated bits. I have a lot to work on, but this feels like something to aspire to. Not trying to be what other people want but trying to be honestly and openly myself is intimidating. Still, I think this is well worth stepping up to.

A major inspiration for me has been watching my partner Keith deal with things. His willingness to step up to challenges, face problems and make changes gives me a model of courage that I aspire to. I know that what he does is driven by care above all else. I can see that as a way to root courage in my own life, and a way to find strength and motivation.

I’ve tried where I can to put a brave face on things. I’ve also tried to do that vulnerability thing and not fight the more difficult feelings. I’m trying to go through this experience as a whole and present person, not a broken or absent one, and I’m starting to think that might be what courage means.