Retiree looking for fun

I’ve been thinking of my next job as a retiree. So far, I have considered being a professional mourner and a popcorn cheese sprayer.

This week, I like the idea of writing one-liners for fortune cookies. I’m a humorist. Why shouldn’t this be my best idea yet? They can make good money, too. The Guardian reports that back in 2000 one fortune cookie writer was paid $0.75 per fortune. If you wrote 500 of them per day, you would make about $46/hour. Multiply that by eight hours. Not bad. Especially since I can sit at home in my pajamas and declare my silly/weird thoughts.

Someone has to do it.

Here are some I’ll share:

1. If you think we are going to sum up your whole life in this bitsy piece of paper, you are crazy.

2. Ignore previous cookie.

3. I see money is in your future. It is not yours to keep, though.

4. Error 404: Fortune Not Found.

5. As long as you don’t sign up for anything new, you’ll do fine.

6. Pass the bill to the person on your right.

7. It would be best to maintain a low profile for now.

8. It could be better, but it’s good enough.

9. To truly find yourself, you should play hide and seek alone.

10. The fortune you seek is in another cookie.

11. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it have calories?

12. You are about to become $10.95 poorer. ($8.95 if you had the buffet).

13. Your finances will be the key to your financial future.

14. You are not illiterate.

15. You will be hungry again in one hour.

16. You do not have to worry about your future. LUCKY NUMBERS

6 39 89 41 66 12

17. Tomorrow take a left turn as soon as you leave home.

18. The fortune you seek is in another cookie.

19. Enjoyed the meal? Buy one to go.

20. A distant relationship is beginning to look more promising.

21. There may be more fortune cookie sayings in your future.