Not Admitting Defeat
(created by Nimue, written down by James)
Quite a few people have said kind and encouraging things about me managing to be out and about. Despite this years challenges, I’ve managed gigs, talks, and attending events. While I have no objection to being seen as slightly heroic for doing this, there’s a lot more to it. I think some of this is important to share.
While this year has been the toughest of my life so far, it’s not the first time I’ve faced daunting setbacks. The one thing I’ve learnt along the way is that admitting defeat is a sure-fire way of losing. Sometimes quitting is a good idea. There’s a lot to be said for knowing when you’re beaten, and when to give up. At the same time, being persuaded to give up can mean life getting very narrow and miserable. I’ve always been good at making the best of things and I know the value of being stubborn. Sometimes you have to pick your fights. Knowing what’s truly important makes it feasible to decide what to keep and what to let go.
Like most people, I’m innately sociable. Getting out has become technically difficult, thanks to the loss of eyesight and other health challenges. The first few attempts were genuinely scary, but I learn as I go and get better with practice. I’ve got the hang of the walking stick, and how to walk more safely. I’ve learned some routes and places well enough to make them a bit easier. I could not bear to give up events on top of what I’ve lost, and as I get a vote, I’ve put up a fight over this one.
That I have been able to get out at all has everything to do with the amount of support I get. Friends and event organisers have been brilliant. Staff at venues have been kind and helpful. Accessibility information on websites makes a lot of odds. most importantly, I’ve had tremendous support from my partner Keith and my son James. Thanks to them I’ve been able to move safely through difficult and unfamiliar places. their help and determination make all things possible. I’m hugely grateful.
As with most things, what options we have depend a lot on other people. I acknowledge the privilege of love and support that not everyone gets. It’s hard to make good choices if you don’t have good options. If you do have options, don’t let go of what matters most to you. Put up a fight for the things that your heart needs, for the things your soul can’t do without. There aren’t many hills worth dying on, but that’s definitely one of them. A life without the things that bring you joy and meaning is not a life you will find worth living.
