Communication Problems
Don’t Let Communication Problems Sabotage Your Leadership
You’ve got a killer strategy. Your spreadsheet is immaculate. But if you have “Communication Problems” you’ll see those problems manifest in business outcomes.
The bottom line: Strategy won’t save you and neither will your technical skills, if you don’t know how to manage yourself, and build collaborative relationships. Here’s what not to do — and what to do instead if you want to lead with clarity and courage.
Don’t Treat Communication as a diagnosis
Almost every time someone reaches out to me with a workplace concern, they diagnose the issue as a communication problem. This is the lazy man’s way of categorizing problems. Even lazier is to hold a communication workshop. Poor communication is the result of an undiagnosed or mismanaged conflict. You can’t resolve a conflict unless you know what it’s about, no matter how beautifully or how often you communicate.
What to do instead:
Understand that if there’s a communication problem there’s a mismanaged or undiagnosed conflict. Make sure your way of communicating (avoiding, appeasing, or aggression) isn’t undermining the results you want. Treat every conversation as a chance to lead by example and to be curious enough to get to the root of the problem.
Stop Believing Everything You Think
That story you’re telling yourself about resistance or lack of support: It might be fiction. Just because you feel something or think something doesn’t mean it’s so. Assumptions left unchallenged become self-fulfilling prophecies.
What to do instead:
Before blaming or jumping to assumptions, reality-check your inner narrative. Ask: “What else could be true?” Stop the habit of debating mentally and silently. You’ll only convince yourself that you’re right. Before you verify with a real conversation, check your emotions and make sure you’re centered and let the other person talk without interruption.
Watch how you show up
How do you show up on a daily basis? Does your language and behavior set the tone you want, or are you sarcastic and belittling? Sarcasm, blame, and discounting behaviors such as eye-rolling indicate unresolved anger and internal mismanagement. Especially toxic to the culture if you’re a C-suite or executive. No matter what your level of leadership passive-aggressive behavior destroys trust and damages relationships.
What to do instead:
Deal with any underlying resentments and start asking for what you want. Stop eye-rolling and other behaviors that discount others. If you want to get serious about changing your behavior do a secret ballot and find out what others really think about you. You might be surprised.
Use language and behavior that aligns with the values stated on your website.
4. Quit Preaching Values You Don’t Practice
Posting values on the wall is easy. Living them in meetings, decisions, and tough conversations is where it counts. For example, if you say you value integrity but don’t keep small promises, you have some work to do.
What to do instead:
Make values actionable. Ask in meetings: “How does this decision reflect our values?” Embed them into hiring, recognition, and feedback. When you make a promise, put it in your calendar. Follow up and apologize when you drop the ball.
Stop avoiding discomfort
The biggest way leaders escalate conflict is by avoiding it altogether. Besides a distaste for uncomfortable emotions, the main reason for avoidance is not knowing how to accurately assess the situation; not knowing how to start the conversation and not knowing how to finish strong. Avoiding conflict may buy temporary peace, but it builds long-term resentment. Silence doesn’t resolve tension—it amplifies it.
What to do instead:
Before addressing any issue, understand the situation, the desired outcome and what’s standing in the way. I teach this method in The Performance Coaching Model and it’s called Leadership Clarity. Address issues early. Use clear, non-blaming language to surface concerns before they snowball into bigger breakdowns.
Never Wing a Conflict Conversation
Going in “off the cuff” might feel confident, but it usually results in misalignment or missed opportunities for clarity. Impromptu conversations can feel good but if there’s no action item, no changed behavior and no follow up, it was just a waste of time.
What to do instead:
Plan difficult conversations with intention. Define the purpose, outcome, and key message before engaging. Clarity up front prevents confusion later.
Stop Listening to Reload
The paradox of listening is this: The more difficult the conversation, the more important listening becomes. In The Performance Coaching Model, we call it Radical Listening. When you’re listening just long enough to fire back, you’re not leading—you’re debating. Defensive listening shuts down trust.
What to do instead:
Practice radical listening. Stay curious. Reflect what you hear before responding. It builds trust and leads to better solutions. We have an entire section on Radical Listening in The Performance Coaching Model.
Don’t Confuse Information with Transformation
Many leaders are so busy reading, listening to podcasts, and attending workshops, they don’t have time to actually practice what they’re consuming. Consuming content isn’t the same as growing. Transformation takes repetition, feedback, and the willingness to change your habits. That is exactly why The Courageous Leader Ecosystem focuses on a layered approach to learning, and that’s where transformation happens.
What to do instead:
Slow down on all the consumption. Take some time to invest in application. Practice new skills, get coaching, and reflect on your own behavior. Keep a journal of improvements. That’s how learning becomes leadership.
Conclusion
Communication is not a soft skill; it’s a leadership skill. If you notice “Communication problems” find the underlying conflict and communication becomes so much easier.
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